starr3546 Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 A little lengthy, but please read this, i hope it is inspirational to all of you hurting on here! Hello~ Many of you on here are familiar with my story...to sum it up, my bf and i broke up for no reason at all, 3 days b4 he broke my heart, he was telling me how much he cared about me and then b4 i knew we were broken up....i kept NC even though i wanted to talk to him....boy o boy i would try to think of htings i could ask him, but kept strong!! I went for 2 months with NC and then, opps, totally my bad, i called him new years eve...as you can imagine i was completely wasted i told him i loved him and missed him and totally put feelings out on the table...we talked and i felt better after closing some of the doors i left open....we hung up on good terrms! Recently he started calling me a couple weeks ago, at first i was confused...y is he calling me, what does he want...we met for coffee, and he kept calling it a date and saying things that kind of sounded like he wanted to come back into my life. We continued talking for a few weeks and saw each other a few times... Well..... Tuesday night i went over to his house, he had made a comment earlier in the week about trying online dating...which completely pissed me off...i began thinking what is he doing here, with me, what is this online dating, is he really thinking he can talk to me about this!...so tuesday i went over and helped him set up a myspace page and we ended up watching a movie and then after the movie i got up to leave and he asked me if i wanted to stay the night! It was snowing real hard, and it was already really late...so i said ya.. So we are in bed, and i could feel the tension, he didn't try anything, so i grabbed his arm and just held onto it, he started rubbing my back and o my god, let me tell you i forgot how amazing his touch is:( We started kissing and suddenly he was on top of me trying to take off my clothes...i said no...and then he rolled over and got quiet, said he didn't mean for that to happen...i told him i know... I asked him, if he was coming to me out of loneliness and because he thought he could get some...he was extremely offended...i believe those weren't his intentions Anguish...the only way to describe my feelings This is the way i have been feeling, lost and falling fast to what i knew was going to be a horrible death...i made up my mind...i am not going to sit idlely by and watch from afar... I called him today!! I asked him his feelings and told him i need to know where he is going...he told me his intentions were more platonic right now, he said he still felt more for me however, he still wants to play around, and doesn't want to be commited....he said i wanna befriends those words the worst anyone wants to hear... This is where i win...not beating him at anything, but winning 4 myself! I told him i have enough friends, i don't need anymore, i said i am sorry u know were i stand with you, and things aren't going to change with me...i need a lover, and a friend all in one.... there are no half way with us...he was upset and asked y....i stood my ground.... sad...sure i am feeling better already...u bet I realized today, that even though you love someone, and you know they still care about you, sometimes it just isn't enough...the most important person here is me...and even though i wanted to keep him close, and just take the littlest bit of him i could get, down deep i knew it wasn't enough....and i could either A go down the path of broken hearts and destruction, or i could B make a new path, which i don't know wherre it might go, but it is one where i can start fresh and who knows build something pretty spectacular!!! xoxxo k~~
WindDrifter Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 Nice work Star! You are now starting to live for yourself! Be a little selfish do what you want! Trust me before you know it you will see all those opportunities out there. I don't think you will stop thinking about him or loving him immediately but over time you will heal and move on. Keep remembering you have done everything you could and he doesn't want it so he doesn't deserve it. You will find someone who wants you just as much as you want them but for now just live for yourself. When you are happy and live for yourself you will find someone when you aren't even looking. Cheers, WD
Kengne Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 I realized today, that even though you love someone, and you know they still care about you, sometimes it just isn't enough...the most important person here is me...and even though i wanted to keep him close, and just take the littlest bit of him i could get, down deep i knew it wasn't enough....and i could either A go down the path of broken hearts and destruction, or i could B make a new path, which i don't know wherre it might go, but it is one where i can start fresh and who knows build something pretty spectacular!!! xoxxo k~~ Hey starr... I'm late jumping on this, but I just had to say I'm so proud of you! This bit of your post I pulled was extremely insightful. I only wish more people were this discerning. Because you did the right thing - FOR YOU. No matter how hard it was. This is not the end - it is the start of a new chapter in your life. Take care hun! K.
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