will_d Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Hi everyone, i've posted on LS a couple of times recently and its really helped me to get on and to try to deal with things. However i am a student in a small city in the uk, everyone always goes to the same night club, including me and my ex. she dumped me 2 weeks ago with no reason, saying that we should be friends, which i said i couldnt be... if u have read my thread 'writing on the wall?' then u will know the rest. A week before we broke up i saw her kissing a friend of hers 20 feet from me, she said it meant nothing and was really upset over it all, telling me she loved me, i believed her. i was really horrible to her that night because i was really trusting and hurt, but i realised she had been really depressed, didnt know what she wanted and was trying to push me away. we said we would work it out,i wanted her stupidly... i thought i was smart. then she says 'friends' to me a week later. Basically i saw her in this night club last weekend (1 week after splitting up), she looked stunning as usual, and thats not just because she is my ex, everyone thought she was before. She has loads of lad friends and is very confident on the outside, able to chat and flirt with anyone. This didnt bother me before because i am not a jealous person and i realise that friends are friends, thats it. Anyway that night in the club she walked past and made small talk as if we were good friends, i was fine with this as i saw it as a sign that she wanted to get back together... how wrong i was. later in the night i asked if we could talk and she said not infront of her friends...we'll go for a coffee at some point. i sent her a txt 2 days later saying that we should talk and go for that coffee. no reply came back. i know...no NC... and i am strong enough to stick to it, although its hell... but i felt hurt again. I havent spoke to her since, but am still in a bad state about it, not myself who is usually confident. i know that she will get over me by kissing other lads and finding someone else quickly... she started to see me 3 weeks after splitting up with her ex of 8 months... i was only going out with her for 2.5 months, but it felt soo much more than that. i connected and had so many brilliant moments between just the two of us, my 2 year relationship before didnt hurt as much as this. i just dont know how to handle seeing her with all these lads laughing and joking... it will cut me up badly inside. i will have to go to this night club because all of my friends go there and because, stupidly again, i want her to see whats shes missing. i mainly go out with my lad mates and am not into the whole flirting, pulling scene, it doesnt mean anything to me. my questions are: how do i deal with seeing her with all these lads flirting and messing around? what do i do if eye contact is made? or i bump into her? i dont want to be an arse but she treated me badly. how do i get excited about a night out if i am dreading seeing her, she is stunning and puts the other girls in the club to shame in looks, although i know it definitely isnt everything, I also liked her personality to before all this. i am normally a confident person and able to be outwardly so but this has knocked me completely please help.
pippen_2k Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 I know its the only club in town, but it dosent sound like your gonna have much fun if you go there. If I were you, Id probably avoid going to the club for a while, even if it does mean ditching your mates. You want to go there to make her see what she is missing out on? Thats just the wrong mindset, cause you are in no emotional state to go out and have a great time, without putting on some BS act .... So really she aint missing out on much. Your not missing out on anything either mind you, especially if she is kissing other dudes and relegating you to some friend status ( Trust me, you aint her friend )...thats just wrong.
Author will_d Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 i know i'm not her friend... definitely, i never wanted to be after all that happened, too difficult. i am in no emotional state but the alternative is to stay in on a sat, i dont want to make my mates stay in to baby-sit me and im a person who is used to going out with my friends. its difficult to think that i am not missing out on anything when i still want her... stupid i know. I know it would be an act but is she just acting? i dont know i just know that i feel as if i have to get some self-respect back by showing that she hasnt stopped me from going out and that i'm still standing after it all. kind of if i mean nothing to her then i have moved on like she has. i just dont know anymore?
notmakingsense Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 No other pubs to go hang out at? That's a tough one. I do feel you have to live your life -- don't let someone who treated you badly keep you from having fun with your mates. Go out to the pub and just act as naturally as you can. Don't put on an act, just have fun with your mates. If she runs in to you, just be friendly, but definitely don't try to pursue her any longer. You don't need to do that. Never bring up your relationship with her again. Even though she looks the best to you now, other girls will become more attractive to you once you start to get over her.
pippen_2k Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Yeah I know where you stand, but just dont go out for the wrong reasons. Do whats in your best interest, and dont worry how you portray your image infront of her. I just think if you go out, and have some drinks, you will probably do something you might regret. Im sure if you dissapeared for a while, curiosity would kill the cat and she would start wondering what your up to, opposed to going out and pretending your enjoying yourself. Also, dont put urself in the situation where you could see her hook up with other guys. Talk about daggers in the heart there.
Author will_d Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 thanks notmakingsense, i have enough self belief that i know i am worth more than her. at the moment she is all that i can think about, partly i admit because i thought i was a good judge of character and dont understand how things went so wrong so quickly. i wont pursue her, i wont, but i want her to look at me in a while and think that she was the one who lost out. i guess i want her to feel upset too, that it mattered. but i also know what she thinks shouldnt matter anymore... i guess i know its over, im just hanging on to the memories of what it was and how i wished it could hav been.
CaliGuy Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Stop going to that pub. Go hang out with friends elsewhere, go to the gym and start working out and delve into hobbies. It serves you no good to see her all the time when you're not quite over her.
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