luvtoto Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 I feel a little stupid for still being so broken up about my "he made me love him" guy. He was a great guy in a lot of ways, and I'm not the type of girl to date a lot, so I thought I had hit the jackpot when he came along. He was just divorced a year ago and his excuse to not start anything with me was because he's NOT looking for a relationship at this point in his life and that he feels that he is not good in any relationship right now due to the recent divorce and his life is out of sorts. I believed him. But, low and behold...two months later, I found out that he is indeed seeing someone...and she's in love him! Now my heart is broken into a thousand pieces and I feel lower than dirt. I was the problem. Complete and utter rejection. Ouch!
UT_longhorn Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 loveto...don't blame yourself for that situation. im sure this next girl will be dropped as well and be in ur shoes soon. i don't think this guy is fully healed from his divorce and he's looking for any way to gain solace in women. in doing that before he is completely healed...hes not going to find any satisfaction until he's satisfied with himself. don't beat urself up. its not you..it could have been anyone. the rejection part is hard...i agree as i am still reeling form mine, but why waste your heart on someone who doesn't give 2 sh*ts about you? i would concentrate on moving forward loveto.
Art_Critic Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Sorry that you are feeling hurt.. Try and remember thaat if he hurt you this way then it will happen to her also. If she is inlove with him all ready then she is following your footsteps. Try and believe that if he was all that that you would still be together.. ***Hug***
Author luvtoto Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 Thanks UT and A_C. You guys are making me cry...in a good way.
UT_longhorn Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 luvto...i know how hard being rejected can be. its so unfair sometimes. but here's the thing...you will learn...you will grow....and you will soon find happiness again. life is too short to dwell on those who aren't worth it. you will go through pain...and you will think about the past, but don't let it consume you. in time, you will be strong again. we're all in this together. like a team effort here.
Author luvtoto Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 It's just hitting so hard because the last four relationships I've been in over a 7 yr period...I've always been the one to get dumped or cheated on. I am sick of it. I've made many changes in my approach with guys and stopped dating for two years to find out who I was outside of a relationship. That was a difficult but necessary time, and now I feel my life is fairly rounded. I have a new house which I painted inside...new car...a puppy I've always wanted...I'm attractive...but, still getting dumped. What the hell is going on?
UT_longhorn Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 luvto... you have so much experience and this will lead you in your future relationships. i think this questioning that youre doing is healthy. it will help you learn about what kinds of men you are dating and learn what you want vs what you dont want in the future. you know the good qualities that you have. i think rejection makes people question themselves and brings up the question "whats wrong with me?" alot. the question i think you should as is..."what was wrong with the relationship?" im sorry for the pain you're going through. its been such a rough journey for me and i can't wait till im over these feelings. i guess all we can do it take it day by day.
notmakingsense Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Luvtoto -- have you tried to analyze the similarities between the men you have been attracted to? There is a funny radio program that I listen to sometimes called "Loveline". One of the things that the co-host likes to tell women who have been cheated on or in bad relationships is to "Seek out the guys you are least attracted to. Those are probably the ones that you'll end up being happiest with." Now, this is a bit dramatic, and he usually only says this to Women who have had problems during their childhood -- like abusive or alcoholic parents, etc. I'm a guy, and have a similar problem. I've done the dumping about 50% of the time, but usually things would have ended anyway. I'm trying to figure out whether or not I'm simply trying to go after the wrong women for me....
Author luvtoto Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 Thanks UT. You are making some very valid points. I am sorry that you are struggling with things as well. I actually gave up dating 'cause I got tired of getting my heart broke over and over. Now, I am falling for a guy friend and getting my heart broke. I guess broken hearts are not just for dating.
Author luvtoto Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 Luvtoto -- have you tried to analyze the similarities between the men you have been attracted to? There is a funny radio program that I listen to sometimes called "Loveline". One of the things that the co-host likes to tell women who have been cheated on or in bad relationships is to "Seek out the guys you are least attracted to. Those are probably the ones that you'll end up being happiest with." Now, this is a bit dramatic, and he usually only says this to Women who have had problems during their childhood -- like abusive or alcoholic parents, etc. I'm a guy, and have a similar problem. I've done the dumping about 50% of the time, but usually things would have ended anyway. I'm trying to figure out whether or not I'm simply trying to go after the wrong women for me.... That is a valid point NMS. Very well put. Neglect was my childhood issue. I met this guy in an online dating site. We hit if off bigtime on the phone. Talked for 5-6 hours straight...daily. But, when I first met him...I didn't feel that initial attraction. BUT, I thought that we could be friends. In the beginning, he continued to email me everyday and we would flirt..and he even once told me,"your search is over...I am here". So, I always felt like he liked me. We remained friends for almost two years. During that time, I fell head over heals for him. NOW, come to find out he is not interested in me anymore. So, what...he got to know my personality and thought "eww!"
Author luvtoto Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 I just realized something. Somewhere down the road...I got demoted down into the "Friend Zone" with this guy. Wow...the friend zone sucks.
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