habeebah Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all... so is it true? i'm in a relationship that seems to be getting more serious by the day. it's wonderful however, i'm perplexed by 2 things: 1. i plan to move half way cross country in about 5 months and he'll be going overseas for the summer come june. so, while our relationship is flourishing, i'm scared to put my heart out there too much that i won't be able to get over him in the end. 2. today we actually talked about how we are going to have to get over each other sometime in the near future. totally heart breaking. i started crying and it was sooo embarrassing. he told me it's easier for guys to get over girls and that i should start protecting myself. so, while we're enjoying things so much, he's starting to mean a lot more than just fun. interesting fact: i've never had a serious relationship bc i always get freaked out with my non-commital self. perhaps i'm just being non-commital or perhaps i was always non-commital bc i was scared. in the end, i just want to know what you think. enjoy things now and deal with the inevitable later (while i'm a bit emotional about it) or stop delaying the inevitable and take care of it now. thanks
amerikajin Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all... so is it true? I think it depends. If you made an honest go at love and it didn't work out, then absolutely, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I think you two need to be honest about your feelings right now. You guys are doing the career over love thing, but if you get the sense that real feelings are starting to develop, you both need to acknowledge that now. It will hurt like hell if you break up and deny that you are in love...you will not soon get over that. And if he thinks he'll get over it soon, he's dead wrong - I bet he'll end up hurting more than you. I think he's in denial. Regardless, if you are falling in love, there may be time to just get out while your emotions are still in check.
Author habeebah Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 good advice- thanks. i do need to be straight up with myself about it. i think i may be falling in love with the relationship more than the person.... however, i know that can change with time. so, we shall see. another concern is that although we are in a relationship i feel as if the "chase" factor is diminishing. he chased for a long time to get me and now it's like i'm the one showing up at his place, giving up my free time to be with him. i know it's petty to even mention the "chase" while in a relationship, but i feel like it might help me safeguard my heart for the future. am i totallly off base here with the "chase" and safeguarding my heart while in a relationship?
silverbeamer Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 I think you are off base. I was in a relationship for 8 months when my bf told me he was moving 2000 miles away for his work and simply I wasn't invited... he didn't say it that harsh, I think it was something like "I won't bring my own ants to the picnic"... so essentially I knew that it was going to end when he moved. He was my first true love and taught me so much about myself. Up until the day he left we dated and acted like nothing was going to change or happen. He moved- we didn't talk for months... and now 3 years later he is one of my best friends and the one person in the world that knows me better then anyone. We are both dating other people now but I wouldn't have given up that time for anything. Sure, I was still completely heartbroken when he left but it made me see that I am capable of loving another person and someday I hope to get that feeling back. To this day we end our conversations with an ILY. And you mention that you may be more in love with the relationship than with the actual person... he plays a major role in that relationship therefore you care deeply about him too. Just things to think about... he may be really important to you but obviously not important enough to stay with each and not move. There will be others out there.
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