Guest1000000 Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Hey men! Gots a question for ya? Lets say you mentally cheated, your sorry, want to work it out with the wife. You say it was more of a close friendship and you didnt love the other woman. Now you are commited to working things out. Do you still think of the OW? Do you have urges to contact her again? And, if she contacted you, after U told her you wanted to go back to the wife, what would you do? Just curious.
TeaCooler Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Hey men! Gots a question for ya? Lets say you mentally cheated, your sorry, want to work it out with the wife. You say it was more of a close friendship and you didnt love the other woman. Now you are commited to working things out. Do you still think of the OW? Do you have urges to contact her again? And, if she contacted you, after U told her you wanted to go back to the wife, what would you do? Just curious. how do you mentally cheat on someone?
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Wow! GREAT QUESTION!! I'd really like to know what MM think on this one. TeaCooler, mentally cheating would be "fantasizing" about the OW... and perhaps a brief physical passion.
TeaCooler Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Wow! GREAT QUESTION!! I'd really like to know what MM think on this one. TeaCooler, mentally cheating would be "fantasizing" about the OW... and perhaps a brief physical passion. oh, okay. see i see "OW" more as someone established as "the other woman." someone you're just fantasizing about seems more like just "another woman." i see what you're saying. but...if it's physical, even briefly, that's not mental...
Guest100000000 Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 "Mentally" cheating...ok, my bad "emotional affair"....I see this used alot here. Someone your man has been emotionally close to, was attracted to, but didnt esclate to a physical affair. Because they mentally bonded, i wonder when its over, do they still think of the ow?
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 What one MM thinks may not be what your MM thinks, just FYI. If he is trying to move on, my guess is he'll go out of his way and not think of the OW just because most men don't tend to sit and think like (most) women do.
My_Other_I Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 IMO people always think of other people who meant something in their lives. It's all about in what way they think of the OW.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 In my situation my H had a short-term EA. He has blocked it all from his mind and does not think about her. He still has some contact due to working conditions, but does not talk about anything personal. If she tries, he ends the conversation, or changes the subject. He says he feels nothing because 1) to him it is over, 2) he made a mistake he is not willing to make again, 3) he will not allow himself to think of her, or anyother woman as a friend, because he now know where it can lead. So what does my H think (granted I am not in his head, I can only go by what he tells me and what his actions show me)? I think WWIU is pretty darn close to what he does ... goes out of his way to purposely not think about OW. He does postpone placing orders with OW until he can't postpone anymore b/c he doesn't want to have to call her and puts it off. I'd also go one step further that WWIU did ... my h has a huge amount of guilt and so he has purposely blocked her from his mind in any way other than work. Not because that is the only way he can "cope" with the loss of her ... but b/c he doesn't want to relive his screw-up. He doesn't even remember 75% of stuff that happened during that six week period ... because he felt so screwed up and because he doesn't want to remember. Do I have a little bit of wonder about that as well? Yes, but all his actions have shown me this is the case. And, actions do speak louder than words. But these have all been from women it seems ... no males have responded. I think if they do you are going to get a very wide variety of responses ... I'd like to see them all myself.
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 IMO people always think of other people who meant something in their lives. It's all about in what way they think of the OW. I agree, but men tend to push stuff OUT of their heads quite fast. They don't like to sit and think, analize the past too much. Once the door is closed, it stays closed.
My_Other_I Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 I agree, but men tend to push stuff OUT of their heads quite fast. They don't like to sit and think, analize the past too much. Once the door is closed, it stays closed. That's what I always thought until my recent open conversation with a man. They might not tell you, but if there was an emotional attachement for them, they will always think about the person. That came from a man who is torned between two women.
big-dumbass Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 In my case, I think about her all the time. Staying on this path is not about your thoughts, but your actions. When turning away from the OW and back toward wife, initially it is all about actions, DOING the right thing regardless of your internal thinking. All men do this, those that are able to stop thinking of the OW were not really in an EA at all, perhaps just a mild infatuation. Most of us obsess over what we are losing, and this grieving process takes time. I will keep my OW in my heart for the forseable future, but continue to work on my marrrige for many reasons.
Ladyjane14 Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 I can't speak from a guy's perspective, but I did notice an almost opposite effect after my husband's EA. Once we had reestablished emotional intimacy within the marriage, his feelings for OW became quite negative. I'm not sure it's possible to have "emotional intimacy" with two different partners....at least not to the degree of true unity anyway. When you're inside the bubble of intimacy with one, the lens of infatuation will fail on the other. The rose-colored glasses come off and you see the former love interest as she truly is, warts and all. Sometimes you don't like what you see. Anyway, if you're having problems withdrawing from the OW, and if you're determined to stay in your marriage, it will help you to seek a better connection with your wife. Life is good...."inside the bubble".
StrivingtoSucceed Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 All men do this, those that are able to stop thinking of the OW were not really in an EA at all, perhaps just a mild infatuation. Interesting thought BD ... something that has crossed my mind many times ... a mild infatuation vs. EA. Hmm. Something to think about.
Guest Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 In my case, I think about her all the time. Staying on this path is not about your thoughts, but your actions. When turning away from the OW and back toward wife, initially it is all about actions, DOING the right thing regardless of your internal thinking. All men do this, those that are able to stop thinking of the OW were not really in an EA at all, perhaps just a mild infatuation. Most of us obsess over what we are losing, and this grieving process takes time. I will keep my OW in my heart for the forseable future, but continue to work on my marrrige for many reasons. For how long was your affair? It looks like it was a emotional ones instead of physical, right. My husband had an affair I think for two months, ended up five months agos. I know that they had good sex, but sometimes i think if he miss the time that he spend with her.
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