UT_longhorn Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 i need some input here regarding how i acted after my ex broke up with me. she broke up with me and i didnt contact her for 3 weeks. i felt decently dignified when it first happened. after the three weeks..i ran into her and we met up for lunch a couple days later. i asked to reconcile. and i asked to reconcile. she got to her office...i called her and asked her to reconcile....she got annoyed. she met me up again at the end of the day and i asked the same thing. basically she was getting annoyed. i guess i was pretty much begging all day. after that day i had no contact again, which brings me to today. i guess my question is is that one day of begging enough to loose my dignity to her? do i look pathetic in her eyes?
notmakingsense Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 I think you've been reading enough of these forums to know the answer to your own question: Of course. Depending on how you conducted your inquiries, you may not look pathetic -- but you definitely would look needy and insecure. You'll never get her back unless she is the one to approach you. She'll never do that while you are pursuing her. Hard to implement -- I know -- I've done exactly the same thing before -- but still, a very important lesson. The biggest benefit of not pursuing is that eventually you will get over her. If she happens to come back for you while you are getting over her, well, fine -- but don't wait for it.
CaliGuy Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 i need some input here regarding how i acted after my ex broke up with me. she broke up with me and i didnt contact her for 3 weeks. i felt decently dignified when it first happened. after the three weeks..i ran into her and we met up for lunch a couple days later. i asked to reconcile. and i asked to reconcile. she got to her office...i called her and asked her to reconcile....she got annoyed. she met me up again at the end of the day and i asked the same thing. basically she was getting annoyed. i guess i was pretty much begging all day. after that day i had no contact again, which brings me to today. i guess my question is is that one day of begging enough to loose my dignity to her? do i look pathetic in her eyes? Maybe. If you had seen me 6 months ago I was completely pathetic. I earned back my dignity by saying 'enough is enough' and tossing her out of the house on her arse. It seems like begging when only one side is into the relationship so in her eyes yes, you probably lost a little dignity. If you ask once and she says no, then leave it at that. Let her heart change on it's own. You'll build up dignity in her eyes by sticking to NC. You'll feel better about yourself and build your confidence and self-esteem by continuing to stick with NC. Trust me, ex's who want you back will stop at nothing and whatever happened in the past will be forgotten as long as you have healthy levels of confidence and self-esteem.
wendel1 Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 How long is it since you broke up UT Longhorn? 6 weeks?
RZA-Man Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 The night my ex dumped me over the phone, I spent about 30 minutes begging her back. Nearly a month later I did the same thing with my "Hail Mary" e-mail. So I basically begged for her back twice. Does she think I'm a loser? Most likely! Did I lose my dignity? You bet! However, I don't regret what I did because it was part of the grieving process and I was in pain. The important thing is that I haven't broken NC for almost 2 months and there's no more begging. Although it's a struggle I'm moving on. Maybe my ex does think I'm a loser for begging, but I don't care - she's out of my life. UT, it's ok to feel embarassed about begging and (I hate to say this) your ex probably does think you're a loser. Yet, as along as you're keeping NC, healing, and getting on with your life what she thinks doesn't matter at all. If you think about it, you have nothing to be ashamed of because having begged for your ex to come back doesn't mean you're a weak person it just means you had a weak moment - like every guy here
CaliGuy Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Sometime, after we're well healed from the ex, we look back at our actions and in some ways gain a sense of relief. While we may have screwed things up with the Ex, we learned from our mistakes and start anew with someone else. And a clean slate. If you keep that perspective then you realize the mistakes you made in the past won't hurt your future. Indeed, it will only help it. Chin up guys. Many more fish in the sea. That said: Get out from behind the PC and go on a date!
riobikini Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 RE: RZAman: " You have nothing to be ashamed of because having begged for your ex to come back doesn't mean you're a weak person it just means you had a weak moment - like every guy here." Like every guy, -like every woman. Amen. -Rio
Author UT_longhorn Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 thanks guys. what a great community.
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