ehead Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 My girlfriend is very grounded and pragmatic ... what I would call an anti-romantic. Sometimes her openness challenges my ideas about relationships, love, and romance. On the surface, I think I am more traditional and idealistic, if not entirely honest. Whereas she is more practical, honest, and experimental ... perhaps at the expense of idealism. By "on the surface" I mean I think I probably agree with her far more than I let on. I simply live in denial to a certain degree, or else I'm guilty of thinking one thing, but quietly expressing another. Probably I do a mixture of both. Examples: Once she told me in the bathtub that she believes people probably have thousands of "soul mates", and it's just a matter of finding them. Pressumably, it would be possible to fall in love and be happy with any one of these. Secretly I agree with this, and I think it is most definitely true. Outwardly, I told her it was the most unromantic thing I had ever heard. I wasn't lying. She has occationally told me she fears her deep feelings for me may be partly the result of the anti-depressants she is on. Once again, possibly true, but how unromantic ! Likewise, she isn't hesitant to tell me about her strong feelings for others in the past, and is quick to point out that such feelings cannot be compared from one person to the next. I too have felt strongly about someone in the past, but my idealism and sensitivity cause me to downplay it. She makes no bones about the fact that she had a very fullfilling and kinky sex life before me, though apparently I do fare admirably. In fact, she has told me I'm her best lover, quality wise. I can't compare in the quantity arena however ... that would have to go to her first paramour, who was 16. She tells me she fantasizes about others. I do as well, I just don't tell her. She doesn't hide the fact that she finds other men and women attractive. She occationally mentions what exactly she would like to do with them ... if our relationship wasn't holding her back, of course. Not that she puts it that bluntly, but it's implied. She has expressed a desire to perhaps include others in our sex life, in one fashion or another. Particular another woman (she is bisexual). It's unclear whether she wants permission to engage in same-sex sex outside our relationship, or she wants us to do it together. I've had such fantasies, but I guess I just wasn't ready to share them yet. Despite all this, she proclaims adamantly that she loves me very much, "more than I could possibly know" in fact. I don't doubt her, I just find it interesting how peoples ideas about romance and love can be so different. Honestly though, I have to admit to a certain hypocracy ... on almost every issue I must admit to agreeing with her. It's just her frankness and openness that sort of throttles my feelings of romance. So, is my discretion just a sign of immaturity ? A symptom of some strange conservative streak I didn't know I had ? There is 15 years between us, and I think her frankness may just be a product of her generation. They seem to have a realism and pragmatism about love, romance, and sex that seems bordering on the Soviet to me. Then again, my idealism can't even be said to be an honest idealism ... it is more a mirage I willingly believe in.
riobikini Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Not a mirage, you just harbor this secret jealousy of her take on things, -she doesn't stress over particular issues like you do, and besides, you're more proud of her than jealous. And it sounds like you're in love. She is a strong yin (unusual) and you are a more conservative yang (also unusual). Still works in a rather odd and exciting way for you both. A 'plus' for you: she's open, -most men (and women) would love that in a partner, -and the age difference you mention probably has a little something to do with it. Overall, it sounds like you're in good shape. Be thankful. -Rio
Author ehead Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 Thanks. That is the coolest comment I think I have ever gotten on any forum ... anywhere. It's amazing how "problems" seem to go away after a good nights sleep. Reading your comment just confirmed it ... I'm over-analyzing, obsessing, and dwelling on nothing much. I think I'll just let myself be happy now.
riobikini Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 You're welcome. It was, apparently, part of what I was born to do. (sigh, smile) As for my own problems, -hey, I have to go looking for a couch to lie down in. ('nother Smile) -Rio
jerbear Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 ehead: Sound like you got a keeper. Not many couples are that open in their desires. I had an older ex who was very open with me. Not many couples are able to communicate their feelings without getting hurt.
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