Toni_no12002 Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Ive been with my boyfriend 2 and a half years.I think hes a lovely bloke but for a while now ive been feeling like there something missing.I have totally gone the idea of sex and would prefer to just have a cuddle.I dont know whats wrong!He says he feels rejected because i dont hardly want to do anything anymore but i just dont feel like it!When he goes to touch me intimatley i just say no or push him away. I have always been abit weird towards sex as something happened with an ex and sometimes i just feel discusted with the whole idea. Im not sure why im acting like this.Am i bored with him?I even started liking this other bloke so ive stayed away from him.The last thing id want to do is hurt my boyfriend but im confused and not sure whats going on or what to do! help!
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Maybe it's time for you and your boyfriend to take abit of time apart so you can figure out if he is the one for you right now or if you'll be happier apart. Talk to him and tell him how you're feeling. After 2 1/2 years you owe him that much.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 The thing is we live together and we have a kid so its hard to take a break really
bluebubbles Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Do you think there is some hidden resentment going on? It sounds like it. The reason why I say this is because I have been there a few times. Another reason could be is “the honeymoon is over” syndrome. Romance has faded and you see him for whom he is and not for what you want to see. Another reason could be you love him but you’re not in love with him. I’m in the same boat but we can’t do anything about the past but we can change the future.
SuperMonk Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 yep, it's time to break up. that sucks you have a kid, at such a young age... too. ah well, good thing you are not in America wasting away my tax money.
Outcast Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Oh fergawdsakes! You are at the 'love is a choice' stage. It's about mature, adult love not puppy infatuation and you are supposed to grow into that together, not go whining that the butterflies are gone. Here. Someone posted a link to this article yesterday http://lifestyle.msn.com/Relationships/CouplesandMarriage/ArticleLHJ.aspx?cp-documentid=208408>1=7815
whichwayisup Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Then get a babysitter and go out more together. Try to capture that love feeling again. Or get your mom to take your child for a weekend and the two of you have a romantic getaway. Start making special time with eachother. Eat meals together too, as a family. After your child goes to bed, take a hot bath together, do massages and lay down, cuddle. Reconnect! It takes work, relationships like everything else in life, have to be maintained otherwise they go stale.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 Im not wasting anyones tax money.I love my kid to pieces and wouldnt change him for the world.Yes at the minute i dont work because there is no one to look after him.I loved working.I worked since i was 13.When he goes to play school i will work again. I hate it when people moan because i dont work.Hardly anyone i know was working at my age!At the minute my kid is more important.What am i supposed to do leave him on his own?! As for going places together...He doesnt like going to places.Im stuck in everyday.When my friends go out he gets invited but he doesnt want to go hed rather stay in.So i feel like a gooseberry going with my mates who have there boyfriends there.Its not like he doesnt know my friends.My best mate goes out with his best mate so he doesnt feel uncomfotable. Please dont be rude and make comments like im wasting tax money and grow up and stuff.That doesnt exactly help.Im 21, nowadays that isnt exactly a young age to have a kid especially when people are having kids at 15 or 16.My mum had my brother at 21.I dont see a problem with it. Many people claim benefits when they have a kid so whys it different for me because im 21?It wouldnt matter if i had a kid at 30.Most people give up work for a short time and claim benefits.Its not like im the only one! I do try to make things work.He always seems to be mardy.I ask him whats wrong and he snaps at me.So i just try to keep out his way for abit.I know he works but i work to in a way.Looking after a kid isnt easy.I do the housework.Wash all the clothes.Tidy up.It doesnt exactly help that he is obssessivley tidy.When i tidy things up he justs moves them again and tuts and moans.I dont know what he expects.We have a 1 year old the house is going to be a bit messy.The thing is i normally keep it quite tidy but its never good enough.
littlekitty Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Toni are you guys communicating properly? Openly? It doesn't sound like it. Lack of communication is the first step on the downward path for a relationship. It also sounds like there is some resentment that you don't do the house work his way etc. Can you work on getting your communication working again? Sit down and talk about some of the issues? If he doesn't want to socialise, is there something he would like to do? Movie, dinner with you? A meal at home? You must be able to find some things you enjoy doing together and make time for yourselves.
barfool Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Your situation sounds a lot like how I was with my 6 year relationship. He was a great guy, we didn't make each other unhappy, I loved him as a person but there were things that I needed in a man that he did not have. I didn't want to think about it, didn't want to break up what was basically a good relationship and eventually did the most stupid thing possible; I cheated on him. You need to really think about your relationship. Is it something that you are willing to work on? Is there something about it or about him that will never make you happy? I basically listed out the positive aspects of my ex and listed the things I wanted in a man that he did not have. I then had to determine how important those things were to me, eventually discovering that there were some crucial elements that he lacked and that's why we didn't entirely "connect." Maybe this is something you need to do as well.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 I know we dont talk we argue.Ive tried to sit down and talk but he just gets all funny and gets mardy about it.I feel bored because i never do anything.He never wants to do anything with me.Ive told him id like to go out together somewhere but he would just rather stay in on his days off.I can understand that he just wants to chill out because hes been at work all week,but im just bored.Sometimes i dont want to get up because i dont have anything to look forward to. I may sound selfish but all i do is look after my little boy,which i dont mind.Clean,do housework.Everydays the same.My boyfriend knows i dont like to be cooped up all the time but he just doesnt want to do anything.I do things with my little boy when my bfs at work like take him to the park and stuff.But when its his day of hed rather play on his playstation.He also moans at our son when he makes little mess and he gets really angry about it.Ive told him thats hes a baby and thats what babies do but he just gets so wound up! I hate feeling like this because i feel so miserable.It makes me feel worse thinking is this what its going to be like for a few more years! Ive tried talking to him but nothings changed.I asked him if we could have a break for a little while.He said that if i leaved him hed kill himself.Great!I said that he had a son now and he cant do that but he didnt say anything. If everything carries on im going to go nuts!
barfool Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 Ive tried talking to him but nothings changed.I asked him if we could have a break for a little while.He said that if i leaved him hed kill himself.Great!I said that he had a son now and he cant do that but he didnt say anything. Whoa, this guy is starting to sound pretty bad. What he said is a threat and he needs some help. Most likely he wouldn't do it. He's just trying to manipulate you. It probably would be best to seperate for a bit so you can reevaluate him and the relationship and see if it is something you want to be a part of.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted February 11, 2006 Author Posted February 11, 2006 The thing is before he got with me he was depressed.Hes using me as an excuse to make him totally happy.Hes said before that if i left he would kill himself because i make him happy.I do care about him but im confused.If i did want to break up for good one day i wouldnt be able to because i wouldnt want him threatening to kill himself.Im no one special especially for someone to kill themselves over. I cant talk to anyone about this because my best friend goes out with his best mate so if i told her she might let it slip to her bf then he could tell my bf. Sometimes i wonder if he is happy with me because of all the moods he gets in.Ive asked him why hes gets mardy so often and he said he doesnt like the place to look a mess.He said that if everything is in its place then it keeps him sane.I dont understand!
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