will_d Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Hi Everyone, If you read my previous thread then u know whats been going on, for those who dont the brief summary is; i split up with this girl who cheated on me 3weeks ago, yet she dumped me rather than the other way around. she said 2 weeks ago that she loved me and then she dumped me last week, no real reason. i've been going through hell with NC, wasnt given any answers as to why by her. Well i was deleting the last traces of her today and found an email from her with her email address password! i am not the type of guy who would invade privacy, i have really good morals and know that what i could find would be hurtful.... however i still cannot stop myself from thinking that it holds answers for me, i won't do it, but how can i make it easier on myself because i am desperate to know answers and this would have been the only way. the problem i face, although i wont access it is...how can i know her password and i want answers so so badly and not go to find them? i have deleted the email but i cannot forget the password still? can anyone help?
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 wow, what a dilema. That was very strong of you to delete the email even though you remember it:) I was faced with the same issue. I had access to something of hers that could tell me a few things and it stares me in the face everyday. I have realized though that I do not want to find out that way. If I am meant to know then the answers will arise without my intervention. What would you do if you did find out? It could hurt, you may not want to know. Have faith that the answers will come and you will be stronger for not searching.
Author will_d Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 thanks hurtbeyondwords, its means a lot to know u r in a similar situation. i to dont want to find out that way thats why i will not access it, i wished i never knew the password or had a way of forgetting it. She screwed me up and i want to know why, i just cant take my mind off of it and with knowing the password it makes it worse. i wish i could just call her to tell her to change it, but that would seem stalker like and i am not wanting to appear that way. anyway of getting her to change it indirectly, i dont know any of her friends to talk to properly?
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 truthfully there is no way you just need to forget. my demon doesnt even require a password and is always at my fingertips. I just breathe and think of something else. You will get some answer someday, maybe it's that you dont need to know to be happy
Author will_d Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 i know i wont get an answer, she will never break NC, i know that much about her. it must be horrible having that ability to just open it or whatever for u? can u get rid of it and then tell yourself i didnt need to know? i just know my mind will continue to think about it. I hav been searching for answers and it could hold it but i also know they could hurt and my morals and principles would be destroyed. catch 22. its really getting to me, and i know it will for days, weeks.
notmakingsense Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 I've thought about this situation before. At one time, I was actually thinking about trying to hack in to her e-mail account to get information because when we broke up -- she just stopped talking to me.... we never had "a talk." I asked myself: "what would you feel like if you actually saw/read some notes between her and a new lover? what if you saw/read some notes between her and a friend describing your shortcomings?" My answer: It would feel more painful than I feel now. So.... re-frame your thinking: Don't do this just because it violates privacy and is not moral -- do this becuase, in the end, you will be being kinder to yourself as well.
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 my problem is that my demon involves my job which is why I cant say specifics. Trust me, it eats away at me sometimes. I just know, like you said, that my morals would be compromised and that's not worth it for me. How long have you been NC?
Author will_d Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 not long at all, 1 week. didnt talk for a week, then i saw her in a club and she made small talk and said we should have a coffee and a chat. i txt her because i wanted to know when so i could get answers she didnt reply. so i havent and wont try again. i am strong enough to do that, but this email thing will give answers and thats whats killing me. because i do it and i could get hurt + broke my morals, i dont do and i have that in the back of my head. I need to know what i stand to gain really from doing it i guess to cancel it out
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 just a side not.. of all the times I look out the window at work.. she drives by. grrr
Author will_d Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 thats bad.. i have to get a bus past hers every day practical and that sucks so i know how u feel. i struggle to not look whether she is there or not. It makes it worse... how long have u been NC now?
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 day #2. she broke my heart completely on sunday and I sent a "final" email on monday. I was gonna give her stuff to her roommate last night cus she works afternoons and low and behold she was home sick. needless to say I didnt stop, I kept driving. it seems that when I dont wanna see her she is everywhere. I did delete and block her IM last night for myself.
Author will_d Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Good for u, deleting that is a good step. i only did that yesterday, deleted all her txt messages and pictures she had sent me. i know how hard it is but u really need to remove anything that she gave u and reminds u of her if u can. If u start now then it will help. At least u sent a final email, u now can think that u have said what u felt and thats it. i didnt do that and wish i had, although it would have made me look desperate. she kissed another lad a a week before we broke up and i said i wanted to try to see how things would go. she dumped me, i still find that hard to believe. i did nothing wrong, she did, and then dumped me with no reason after saying during the week that she loved me and really wanted to try. what happened sunday if u dont mind me asking? the sooner u give it to her roommate the better. remember dont go asking how she is or telling how u feel to her roommate, u have to be strong. She isn there for u and how knowing u feel crap wont change a thing. Its all about self-respect, knowing that your worth more, although i know u might not feel it now. if your dreaming about her its only natural, read some of the other links and u'll understand it better. i know i have been dreaming and it hurts when i wake up... but she isnt hurting for me i remember. she started seeing me 3 weeks after splitting with her ex so thats what she will do to me as well.
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 sunday... well stupid me grabbed a piece of hope and hung on. I noticed that she wanted space aand all that crap after I gave her a ring and she was purchasing a house. friends and family were asking about the ring and were asking when I was moving in with her etc.I felt she might had been afraid of commitment. I brought that to her attention after having a good night, we were snug on the couch and having a good time. she smiled sighed and told me with a straight face that she loves me but has not been "in love" with me for a while. I freaked and left without actually talking anything out. I am still mad sorta. we had hung out everyweekend for a month and she kissed me 2 of the last times. we went furniture shopping and she wanted to make sure that both of us could lay down together on the couches... she was sweet. Then this. I had never seen her as happy as she was when I gave her the ring for christmas, a promise ring btw. makes no sense whatsoever! thanks for ging me a chance to vent. as Caliguy says, if her heart is going to change she will let me know. in the mean time... NC and moving on is my goal.
Author will_d Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 definitely, caliguy is right,thats the way you need to look at it, i know i am. I know it doesnt help but i dont think u will ever understand how things have changed so quickly between u, i know i dont. accepting it will take time, maybe a lot, but u will be stronger after it. i still blame myself for not giving her enough space and for not relaxing instead of being so intense. i have to live with that, i pushed, but i also know that if i wasnt worth talking 2, worth sorting stuff out with, then she wasnt who i thought she was. definitely she will get in touch if she wants u, but dont wait for it. u were right to bring anything up that was on your mind and i can understand u not wanting to wait around to find out more, what she said to u hurt enough, why stay on a couch which was happy for u one minute then a place of pain the next. remember NC all the way, be strong and when that fades LS is here and i'll be around this section for a while yet to chat to. Take care hurtbeyondwords, u'll be fine. Its hard to keep a good man down, and by the sounds of it u r. believe it.
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 thank you will_d. the hardest part of going through all this is feeling alone. you and LS have proved that Im not and I cant express my gratitude enough. Im going to make it a mission to let more people know about LS. It's support structure is the best out there.
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