notmakingsense Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 A little over 2 months of NC, and although I'm still thinking of her every day -- the thoughts no longer cause me pain -- more just like a dull sadness now. That all changed this morning. She, in all her beautiful and sexy glory, came to me. "NMS", she said as she pressed in close to me, "I'm so sorry for what I did to you." Her eyes sparkled as she looked up at me. "It took me 2 months, and the process I went through wasn't fair to you -- but I know now that I want to be with you forever." I could feel the gentleness of her breath as our faces drew closer together. I hesitated at first, but as I felt all the pain begin to float away, I let it happen -- a deep, penetrating, enveloping kiss. I could feel the happiness welling up inside me, then.... BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP -- my alarm woke me up. F'ucking dreams!!! Is that some curse that the universe's powers have decided to place on me just as I was starting to feel better? I think that single dream just sent me backwards a month. Damn it!!
UT_longhorn Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 my god motmakingsense... i hope i never dream anything like that. that would tear me apart. i dont think it will set you back a month. im gonna guess youre just gonna feel ****ty for a day or so. but can i ask you...at 2 months of NC (before the dream) how are you? I've been broken up 6 weeks and 2 weeks of NC, and its still pretty damn rough.
Author notmakingsense Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Thanks for the reply UT -- It does get better (barring dreams!!!), so just hang in there. I still think of her constantly -- but the thoughts are no longer debilitating. Every once in a while, I find myself in a good mood or laughing at something. That never used to happen to me until very recently. It will be very slow for me though.... this last relationship was a very deep one for me. That, and the fact that I want to remain alone for a while to focus on myself -- I think will delay getting completely over her. In past breakups (I've had a few), I'd simply jump into the next relationship and that would speed things along. But, if I can keep myself from seeing her by accident, stick to NC, and stop dreaming!!! I'll eventually be fine.
Jools Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 I know what you mean but i'm slightly different. The girl i love is with someone else and i cant stop thinking about her every minute of every day. Good stuff but also painful stuff, like regretting mistakes ive made that led to me not being with her and also her being with her boyfriend. I cant really sleep that much but at least i used to get some rest in my sleep. But the past month i have started dreaming about her but in my case, the majority of them are really painful dreams about her being with her boyfriend etc. I suppose they are more like nightmares really! I keep asking myself, when will the pain end? ANSWER - I haven't a clue!
Author notmakingsense Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Yeah Jools -- try not to go there. USUALLY dreams are a reflection of what you are thinking about during your wakeful hours -- so if you are dwelling on what she's doing with her new dude -- you'll dream about it. This type of thinking really used to get to me bad -- because my exgf -- although I don't know for sure -- I think has hooked up with someone else during our final days. I believe that for most people, thinking of exes with others is the WORST!!! My suggestion is to do ANYTHING YOU CAN TO STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! Anything -- like, for example, when the thought pops up in your head, immediately get up and go do something -- just do anything to force it out of your mind. Another technique is to think of yourself with someone new (and hotter than her!!). Whatever it takes.
Jools Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 cheers and yeah good advice but unfortunately very difficult in practice in my case. you see the girl I'm madly in love with is also my best mate and I know that she feels for me as well, maybe not as much, I'm not sure on that one but at one point she did say she was falling in love with me. the thing is that I dragged my heels in telling her my true feelings and by then it was too late as she'd started to see someone else. I also work with her so I see her every day. its very difficult as a result to try and not think about things. most advice I get is to try and move on and with time I will, but you see I don't want to, I want to be with her and I hope that in time I will be. I hope that in time things will end with her bf and I will get another chance. so in the mean time I guess I just have to live with my feelings and deal with the pain. I just hope i don't have to wait too long but who knows. Sorry m8, don't wanna hijack ur thread
pioneer Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Iv been split with my Ex nearly 18 months, and i was with her for nearly six years, and within a year of us splitting shed found someone else and brought a house with them and theyre getting married. I still think about her everyday and when im making decisions, i always wonder what she say do if i asked her, oh and yeah, i still dream about her to at least once a week, really sucks.
Author notmakingsense Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Pioneer -- that really sucks -- 18 months! But -- you were in a long relationship, so that doesn't sound like too long of a time. Moving on is hard!
Jools Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 I suppose my situation must seem a bit more trivial in comparison to a guy like pioneer, really sorry to hear bout yours by the way. I haven't been in a relationship with my love, altho we are very close and obviously I want much more now that I can't have. and I've only been coping with losing her for about 2 1/2 months so I realise that others out there have it worse off than me. but still, I honestly don't know what I'm going to do, she knows that the only thing I want and hope for is to be with her and she's said she'll tell me if I get another chance, so all I want to do at the moment is wait and see how long it takes for that chance to come. how long I can put myself through this I really don't know and in the back of my head a little voive tells me that what if it never happens? I could put myself through feeling like this for months and months or longer and nothing might not happen? would it be easier to try and force myself to move on? oh and I had another really bad dream last night, and I still feel ****ty now, I decided not to go to work too. this is affecting every part of my life and I'm really worried what it will end up doing to me!?
Author notmakingsense Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 ...I honestly don't know what I'm going to do, she knows that the only thing I want and hope for is to be with her and she's said she'll tell me if I get another chance, so all I want to do at the moment is wait and see how long it takes for that chance to come. how long I can put myself through this I really don't know and in the back of my head a little voive tells me that what if it never happens? I could put myself through feeling like this for months and months or longer and nothing might not happen? would it be easier to try and force myself to move on?... Jools -- the key here is to not wait for her. Conduct your life as if it is over -- because (for now), it is. Ex's have a funny way of coming back to you after you have moved on... But the biggest benefit from this approach is that you'll start to discover that your self-confidence and esteem will grow, which is just as likely to attract new women as it is to make you not care so much about your ex. If your Ex does come back to you while you are moving on, you will be much better prepared to make a choice between her and your new prospects!
Jools Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 cheers NMS, I really wish I could take the approach you suggest and hopefully in a bit of time I will but I suppose at the moment things are still a bit too fresh for me and I still harbour hopes that i'll get to be with her soon. I also worry that if I do make myself move on and she becomes available, then I might not be. and I can see myself wanting to be with her and I wouldn't want to be in that situation. I suppose I'm my own worst enemy, I'm probably doing everything I shouldn't, well I'm certainly not doing what anyones advised me to do so far. in a way I suppose I'm punishing myself too, as its my inaction that lead me to be in this situation. a mate who's supported me the most thru this says that she's having her cake and eating it, and she probably is but I don't want to hurt her or upset her so I'm taking everything on my shoulders and they're getting very heavy. like I say tho, I think with a bit more time i'll probably start moving on a bit and taking some of the advice I've been given. but for the time being I can't see myself doing anything different, I suppose love's like that tho, it makes you do things that you wouldn't normally do and that make other people think your crazy. cheers for all the advice tho, I've certainly taken note and i'll keep it in mind for the coming months.
Author notmakingsense Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 Ok -- but don't say we didn't warn you! Sometimes this approach will actually backfire... This girl may end up thinking of you as being spineless and waiting like a puppy. I know, because this happened to me.....
Jools Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 yeah I get where your coming from and don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be running around like a puppy. the whole waiting thing is a personal thing that I won't be making obvious to her, so I don't think she'll get the whole spineless vibe etc. And like I say, in a bit of time I'm sure things will change and I will start to move on, I just don't think I'm quite ready to give up on her yet.
latefragment Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 in the space of 2 days I had 2 different dreams about guys who had dumped me - both times they came back to me saying they wanted to be with me. Wow, it was very painful. Waking up two mornings in a row, sad about a different guy each time. It really makes me angry. Why did my subconsciousness have to do that to me? Why did I let it. I know how you feel.
Jools Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I had yet another one last night, i'm back at work today and i feel like crap! I always feel really bad on fridays tho as tonight is when she travels to see her boyfriend, i now wont see her until work on monday. Weekends are the worst, i almost cant function as i know where she is. I try and keep busy but i don't have the will to do anything sometimes, and then when i go to sleep i have the worst dreams of all. She asks me how i'm doing and i normally just say 'ok' or something like that. I've recently told her that i'll keep to myself my thoughts and feelings, to spare her any grief, i'll keep everything to myself and deal with it somehow. But i sometimes want to tell her how i'm feeling. Should i? I often think though, how does she see me when i tell her how i'm feeling? Does it reinforce to her how i feel about her and do any good or does it just make her feel pity and think i'm a sap?
Chocolatellama Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I hate dreams like that! I have one almost every night, he comes to me and says he wants me back and hes sorry and everything and i wake up happy and then i realise it was just a dream and i feel even worse. Another dream i've been having is just replaying him breaking up with me.. but in different way to the way it actually happened.
Author notmakingsense Posted February 10, 2006 Author Posted February 10, 2006 Well, at least I know I'm not the only one suffering this affliction! Thankfully this doesn't happen often any longer. When it happened a few days ago, it really set me back. I definitely don't want that to happen again. I have a friend who is in to a bunch of pyschology-dream interpretation stuff. She was giving me some line of pycho-babble about how it was my brain that actually stopped the dream before the alarm went off - just at the moment the kiss was about to start. She says that is a good sign because I know now deep down that the relationship wasn't right for me. I was like, "huh?" She said, "think about it -- why is it that we always get woken up just as something dramatic is about to happen?" I don't know, seems like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo to me. I just think we dream about things we are subconsciously thinking about all the time during the day.... PS Jools: Quit talking to this woman!
fallenheart45 Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I just had a dream last night I was upstairs in a room. She came through the downstairs door. I could hear her voice from all the way upstairs. I had a INSTENSE HOT RUSH from my heart to my brain and legs. When she came up stairs...she tackled me and held me and we fell to the ground. When we fell to the ground she whispered to my ear ..."I've loved you this whole time while I didn't have a boyfriend" ...then I woke up! I was sweating...so nervous...so lost...so hurt.... I have no direction no more...
Jools Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 NMS - I can't stop talking to her, she's my best mate and i work with her. I actually had a really good day today at work with her, we went into town at lunch and i took her to a cafe and bought us lunch. Later on, back at work she said that lately she's felt herself getting closer to me and i detect that there may be problems on the other side of the fence. I don't know if i'm just getting my hopes up, but she has said a few times that she thinks we'll end up together etc but she wants her current thing to take its 'natural course' and the latest info makes me wonder more. I really do think that its only a matter of time before we get together, but it could be a while, i just have to wait and see and see if i can hold it together long enough. I know people out there are probably reading what i'm saying and thinking what's that guy doing? He's crazy? But i suppose because i love her so much and apart from the pain from her being with someone else, we get on really well and are really close. So close that i'm pretty sure everyone we work with thinks we're together (and its a big office) and some have actually commented on it, my family have all asked and her family suspect it too, most of my mates have asked me too and recently my housemates have both referred to her as my girlfriend, just assuming that she is. Although she has just left to go to her bf's for the weekend so i'm started to head back down to feeling bad after feeling good with her today. I had said i wasn't going to do anything on valentines day and i still think i shouldn't, but part of me really wants to. More so after she told me today that she felt herself getting closer to me. I had started to back off a bit but am now thinking maybe i shouldn't?
Author notmakingsense Posted February 10, 2006 Author Posted February 10, 2006 Ugh. You are a lost cause! (As I once was) Don't you see that it is your backing off a bit that is causing her to act closer to you? Backing off more will improve your situation! She won't fault you for it -- all you need to tell her is that because you are hurting about her being with another -- that you need to back off a bit in order to get used to it. She'll probably come running! But if not, this will speed up your process of feeling better.
Jools Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 don't get me wrong NMS, I don't have my head in the clouds and I'm not talking about being full on all over her with attention, I just think that we had a good chat today and some things came to the surface, I'm thinking about taking her out for a meal on tuesday and hopefully we can talk about some more stuff, and even if it doesn't go the way I want it to at least I will have learnt something from whatever she has to tell me. then if she still continues on the road she's on i'll continue to back off, i'll tell her how I'm feeling about her being with someone else (well she already does really) and that's why I may be different etc. I do understand what your saying and like I say after next week, i'll see where things lie and take it from there. thanks again for the advice, even tho it may sound like I'm not listening, I am.
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