Super89Rex Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Well, As you all have known; I went on my second date with that girl yesterday. Everything was alright, but I did notice she wasn't very receptive to any of my attempts to make contact. I did make her laugh and smile a lot, we ended up going out to eat; I had planned to go bowling but she didn't want to so we ended up going to her place to watch a movie. I TRIED to make contact, touching her hand, trying to warm her hands up (they were cold) putting my arms around her, the whole hair playing thing; didn't get much of a response out of her.. Either she is VERY conservative or shy, but at the end of the night before I left; I said "Listen, I don't want you to panic but I'm going to kiss you now." and went in for my attempt! and she told me she thought about that too but wanted to get to know me better ?? I don't understand what to think about this.. Now, what should I do; I don't even know if she has a romantic interest in me, she must considering shes been out with me a few times and even said she wanted to get together again last night but that could have just been a way to let me down easy.. Should I even call anytime soon or wait for her to? Man, this sucks; last night definitely didn't end the way I had hoped it would, I ended up going home and crashing on my bed much earlier than I had anticipated.
amerikajin Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Dude, I hate to be the pessimist here but it doesn't look good. If this were a trauma patient we would be in the emergency room using defibrillation and giving CPR. I think you and I made the same exact mistake. I think you were okay to go for the kiss but two things: 1) I never ask for it...I just do it and see what happens; 2) the touchy-feely stuff before hand was probably forced, and you have to know that women don't like to be forced into anything like that. They like to make it plainly obvious what's up. I would not call her for at least a few days. Let her think this one through a bit. Call her up after a good three or four days and just talk to her, maybe set up a date for the next week - instead of rushing things, push it back a bit. Don't apologize, but just get a sense for how she's feeling. If she says 'I'm busy, gotta go', well...you're out. If she sounds okay talking with you then set up the next date.]
juliainoz Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 talk to her about it - ask her how she feels, if she wants to date u again or not.....thats what the new man in my life did when we were confused about this
Author Super89Rex Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Dude, I hate to be the pessimist here but it doesn't look good. If this were a trauma patient we would be in the emergency room using defibrillation and giving CPR. I think you and I made the same exact mistake. I think you were okay to go for the kiss but two things: 1) I never ask for it...I just do it and see what happens; 2) the touchy-feely stuff before hand was probably forced, and you have to know that women don't like to be forced into anything like that. They like to make it plainly obvious what's up. I would not call her for at least a few days. Let her think this one through a bit. Call her up after a good three or four days and just talk to her, maybe set up a date for the next week - instead of rushing things, push it back a bit. Don't apologize, but just get a sense for how she's feeling. If she says 'I'm busy, gotta go', well...you're out. If she sounds okay talking with you then set up the next date.] Well dude, lets hope so man; I pretty much did the opposite of what I usually did following advice Ive read from here and there and quite frankly, it didn't work out as well as I thought it would.. I should wait until like Friday to call? I think her interest level in me has to be pretty low considering she wouldn't even kiss me.. I think by her saying she wants to get to know me better she meant, "I dont like you that much, but I am continuing to see you in the hopes that I will like you enough to kiss you." This situation has got me all confused.
barfool Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Do you know about any of her past relationships? Do you know if she usually took it slow? Is she young and inexperienced? If so then she may be placing a lot of value on kissing and what she said would not be a sign of disinterest. If she is older and has been in a number of relationships then this is most likely a bad sign.
amerikajin Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Each woman is different, dude. I think that you should just call her up in a few days and say 'Hey what's up, how was your week and then get to the nitty gritty of asking her out for another date.' You'll see her reaction then. She'll either say a-okay or 'Um, I'm gonna be busy from now until the end of the century...call me back in another life' (or something along those lines). Be careful about following 'the rules' for guys. I do agree that you have to 'have confidence' and you have to not come across as needy and desperate, and that you also have to show your date that you like her and go for a good night kiss. But pull back if you go for that kiss and she doesn't appear enthused about it. Never - I mean ever - touch your date until either a) she touches you first or b) you're ready to say good night to her and you want to give her a nice little good-night kiss. But here's the thing...if she ditches you, get over it. Lesson learned. Don't beat yourself up over it. When you next talk or meet, just stick to the basics and politely and cheerfully ask her out like nothing happened. If there's no dice, move on.
Author Super89Rex Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Each woman is different, dude. I think that you should just call her up in a few days and say 'Hey what's up, how was your week and then get to the nitty gritty of asking her out for another date.' You'll see her reaction then. She'll either say a-okay or 'Um, I'm gonna be busy from now until the end of the century...call me back in another life' (or something along those lines). Be careful about following 'the rules' for guys. I do agree that you have to 'have confidence' and you have to not come across as needy and desperate, and that you also have to show your date that you like her and go for a good night kiss. But pull back if you go for that kiss and she doesn't appear enthused about it. Never - I mean ever - touch your date until either a) she touches you first or b) you're ready to say good night to her and you want to give her a nice little good-night kiss. But here's the thing...if she ditches you, get over it. Lesson learned. Don't beat yourself up over it. When you next talk or meet, just stick to the basics and politely and cheerfully ask her out like nothing happened. If there's no dice, move on. I was always under the impression that the guy had to make the first move and show confidence,that was what I was essentially *ATTEMPTING* to do.. lol look like it may have backfired, hopefully she looks past it and next time I will just play it cool like nothing happened.
amerikajin Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Yes, the guy does have to make the first move and show confidence doing it, but he also has to be able to read the signs which would indicate she's ready for you to make your move. The safest time to kiss is at the end of the date, and I would not necessarily rush into it on date one. By date two I would definitely try it and see where it leads. Some say it has to land on the lips but I don't think that's necessarily true...I think she just has to be receptive to it and if it lands on the cheek, then so be it. If everything else has gone well up to that point, well then, cheeks or lips...what's the difference? I agree that if she lets you kiss her on the lips then that shows a higher level of interest but hell, I remember one time this girl practically mugged me at a train station here...then texted me later telling me that she had a boyfriend. Weird. Anyway, point is...I think you can actually screw things up by moving too quickly. Watch out for that...I'm in the same boat you are, mon.
gfto Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Well, As you all have known; I went on my second date with that girl yesterday. Everything was alright, but I did notice she wasn't very receptive to any of my attempts to make contact. I did make her laugh and smile a lot, we ended up going out to eat; I had planned to go bowling but she didn't want to so we ended up going to her place to watch a movie. I TRIED to make contact, touching her hand, trying to warm her hands up (they were cold) putting my arms around her, the whole hair playing thing; didn't get much of a response out of her.. Either she is VERY conservative or shy, but at the end of the night before I left; I said "Listen, I don't want you to panic but I'm going to kiss you now." and went in for my attempt! and she told me she thought about that too but wanted to get to know me better ?? I don't understand what to think about this.. Now, what should I do; I don't even know if she has a romantic interest in me, she must considering shes been out with me a few times and even said she wanted to get together again last night but that could have just been a way to let me down easy.. Should I even call anytime soon or wait for her to? Man, this sucks; last night definitely didn't end the way I had hoped it would, I ended up going home and crashing on my bed much earlier than I had anticipated. I'm just curious...how old are you two? I'd say she has extremely low (if any) romantic interest in you. Keep your hands to yourself, and let her initiate the touching. And, don't ever announce an impending kiss. Just lean over and do it. But not in her house like that. Do it at the end of the date as you're walking her to the door. As for what you should do now, I'd say nothing. She knows you like her. If she feels the same way, she'll get in touch with you.
Author Super89Rex Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Well I think its been established that I royally *(#*#(ed up on this date, but what can I do to best repair any damage I have done if I do manage to get another date?
amerikajin Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Well, honestly, between now and the next date there's not much you can do really. The thing you have to keep in mind is that she knows you're interested in her but she does not know if she's interested enough in return. She knows you've moved faster physically than she's comfortable with. I would just try to set up the date and act like nothing happened. You might want to suggest it in a place that would be non-threatening for her (i.e. some place public where she knows you'll be less likely to try something on her). But you're just gonna have to live with whatever happens either way. If she is really into you she will let this pass without too much of a fuss, but if not, you're probably out.
gfto Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 I wouldn't say that you royally #$^%&$ed up at all. True, the touching was a mistake, but you did the right thing by going in for a small kiss. (I realize a lot of people disagree, but reality says a woman who sees "boyfriend potential" in you isn't going to refuse a small peck on the lips at the end of a second date.) Unfortunately, she didn't go for it. That answers your question "is she interested?" No. Now, you don't have to spend your time and hard earned money going on three or four more dates only to experience more confusion and find out then that she isn't into you. You've got to put your ego aside here, and look at this very objectively. You were getting weird vibes from her; you're confused; and she turned away a kiss. Add it all up...... low interest level. Don't take it personally.
Mary3 Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 Sorry dude but I will give it to you straight : I dont think she was romantically interested in you . I was in this exact situation. I went out on a second date with this man ( he was nice but a bit strange ) and then he tried the arm around me and the caressing and said he was going to kiss me. I had to pull away. He asked what was wrong. Insisted I TELL him after many times asking. I finally said : " I am not romantically interested in you, sorry ". He looked pretty upset but I dont feel you should drag out something that just is not there. I don't think she is interested in you that way.
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