Author kjo314 Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 oh herfriend told me that my ex was "happy for me" because I was going out on dates.
clynn Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 She may or may not have moved on to other guys yet. Regardless, when my boyfriend and I broke up...I moved away the same distance. I wanted the relationship to be over, and although I didn't have another boyfriend, I still knew I no longer wanted to be with my ex either. For a while, I wanted to stay friends with him and keep talking on the phone, etc. He decided that he didn't want to do that so we stopped talking altogether. In the end, he moved on much quicker than I did. I mean, I was over him completely but still several years later I have yet to find another. He found another girl to date (and live with and marry) very soon.
Author kjo314 Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 but yet.... why leave someone if they loved you??? Even if they say that change can happen?
clynn Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 He loved me but I didn't love him any longer. I cared for him and was concerned about his welfare but I did not love him and knew that we would not be together in the end. Although I don't have someone to love now.....I don't regret breaking up with him. You can't make yourself or someone else feel something that they don't.
cygny Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 what clynn is true--but there are also cases where the passion has gone because one of the people has become too predictable, too boring in a way. in those cases, the passion can be reawakened. in other cases, where one person just feels the other person isn't right for them, there's no getting back.
clynn Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Yes, I was only sharing my story. Of course I can't possibly predict what is happening in this situation.
Author kjo314 Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 so ifs he calls again what should I do??
salmagundi Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 uhhh...why dont you try talking to her next time? Or better yet, let her tak to you? I mean, ok maybe these adolescent games are a necessary evil...but they also make you sound like a bit of a jackass. Look, if its over, move on, tell her to go to hell...do what you've gotta do. If its not, give her the floor, let her give you a reason why you should be hanging around. If not, see above. The games will work to a point but they will sap your relations of spontaneity and eventual, once she catches on that you're justf*cking with her, she'll just give it right back to you, youèll end up in a vicious downward spiral of game playing and next thing you know you'll just hate each other.
cygny Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 if you talk to her she'll just try to convince you why you are not right for her and why you should just be friends. she'll use that as the springboard for making you choose whether to go NC all the way or be the guy she leans on for emotional support as a buddy. you'll be her therapist. i don't really see it as 'playing games' to avoid that fate. in a way, it is assertive. through your actions, you are saying, 'i don't want to be just your friend, and really, i don't need another friend, like that'.
Author kjo314 Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 so... i got another question for ya.. though this might not be the right board for it.. So I took a girl to lunch the other day and had a really good time... I want to take things slow obviously. I told her we shoudl do it again and we both agreed that we should... I havn't talked to her since but I will today and I think on Thursday I am going to ask her to lunch again on Monday. Is that a wise idea??? Am I taking good steps to get to know someone before takigna plunge into an actual "date".... I figured if lunch went well again then I would ask her our on a date.
cygny Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 i don't think you need to take it so slow or be so serious. ask her out for saturday night and be easy and breezy. if she says no, say "oh well" in a happy voice with a smile on your face and move on. just play the field and have fun. you don't need to get tied down to one girl anyway. why not develop some flirting skill.
clynn Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Yahooooo! I think asking her out for a couple lunches and some phone calls is a great way to begin to get to know her!
jerbear Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 KJO314, I am happy that you are dating again. I might have to ask you and Cygny for pointers oneday.
Author kjo314 Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 Ha I wouldn't call it dating so much as... meeting new people... Though I would really love to take a shot at this one she is funny and smart I jsut hope I don't blow it. I seem to be doing that lately
jerbear Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Ha I wouldn't call it dating so much as... meeting new people... Though I would really love to take a shot at this one she is funny and smart I jsut hope I don't blow it. I seem to be doing that lately Enjoy being 21 and meeting new people. Glad you are taking it easy and enjoying the company of a funny and smart girl.
Author kjo314 Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 She hasn't called me this week at all... I am worried that I made her mad.... Help... keep me from breaking.
jerbear Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 She hasn't called me this week at all... I am worried that I made her mad.... Help... keep me from breaking. First what did you say to her to make her mad? If you called her once, then it is in her court. I would give her a call once more just in case. One call and not talking is one thing, two calls and nothing; unfortunately it would be something else. After the 2nd call, I would just lay low with her. Make some plans to do somethings this weekend, go with friends to watch a movie. When she calls, you have something planned and add her.
clynn Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Which girl hasn't called?????????????????????????????????
magda Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 She's not mad, she thinks you are dating other girls. And she's right. She got your message, don't worry about it.
Author kjo314 Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 well.. I just got rejected again..... what does a guy got to do to get a date... dammit
jerbear Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 well.. I just got rejected again..... what does a guy got to do to get a date... dammit Be yourself. From your prior posts, I've seen a few things. Have you considered working on yourself? Before getting a date, get yourself. Most of the dates/gf where when I was not even looking; it just happened. Are you taking classes right now or working? Just talk to some people. Don't ask any out, just talk to them. You might be surprised, one might ask you out.
Author kjo314 Posted February 19, 2006 Author Posted February 19, 2006 So... If the ex calls again what do I do... Getting back to that.. After she called me a week ago from today and I told her I was busy and couldn't talk. She hasn't called me again. She told me I should call her or get a hols of her... Obviously I havn't. She seems interested in this 32 y.o guy that lives 3 hours away from her that she met online. I don't know.. What should I do peeps.
SuperMonk Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Ignore her. trust me. She no longer serves a purpose. And stop asking "what should I do" do you have a backbone, Make your decisions BE A MAN.
jerbear Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 32 year old well she likes older men, many women out there that prefer older men even those in the thirties prefer older men. Many things ranging from social to psychological. She voiced her stance, you have to stand by it and stop chasing, stop thinking, stop wanting her. If the ex calls, just ignore her. SuperMonk got it right. Don't expect anything more from her; she gave you her answer and it was no but you can call if you like. No hope, no contact, no wishy washy especially from a guy. Improve yourself, be better than the 32 year old, while you are at it; you will be a better catch. When you turn 32, you can go after the younger woman, if you so desire. Hopefully by that time, you have an idea what you want.
Author kjo314 Posted February 19, 2006 Author Posted February 19, 2006 I know what I want... I do.. I can't seem to find it... It is like it doesn't exist. She isn't in a realtionship with him but she is "dating" him... coudl she be desperate?? but yet should I care?? no
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