kpin124 Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 ok here is my question ???? i am a mw and my om is also m and well we have known each other now for about 3 years and have been actually intimate now for about 6 months well he wants to meet on valentines day and i just think it is kind of weird... what do you all think? we live about 3 hours apart and it is hard for us to get away and meet and i just thing that valentines day me leaving for the day might send up some red flags with my h..... so i am looking for some advice ..... maybe a what would you do
No Stress Lady Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I think you'd be nuts to disappear off for the whole of Valentines Day, unless your husband is completely stupid he's bound to smell a rat...and surely your MM's wife will too?
Author kpin124 Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 well i would be back home by say 3 in the afternoon and probably wouldn't leave till 8 or so that morning ..... mm would just leave as usual like he was going to work .... i don't know i have a bad feeling about it with it being valentines day and all......... i probably would be nuts .....thanks lol
StrivingtoSucceed Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Even if MM pretends to be going to work, it is V-day. His wife will probably call him sometime during the day ... Turn the page and it probably would raise a red flag to your H.
Guestagain Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Here is the BEST idea! You spend Valentines Day with your Husband, and your MM spends it with his wife. Then, you decide to stop the affair because it is WRONG, and either go on with your life as a faithful married woman, or get a divorce! As a wife, let me ask you this? Does it feel good to betray the one you "Love". Does it feel good to know your MM still makes love with his wife? (yea, they do). Does it feel good to know you are second best? Tell me, what feels good about an affair? The secrets, the lies, the imoral behavior? I just dont get people like you. How would you like it if your H was having an affair on you? Do society and married women everywhere a favor.....Get some self worth. Remember this, if you were #1 in his life, he would be with you and only you.
Sami_D Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 ...might send up some red flags with my h..... If you think your H might suspect something... then I'd turn down the invitation. Unless you want a D-day. I know it sounds all romantic and so on, but if your OM can't understand that you are concerned about this... then I wonder what his motives are. He needs to be sensible, as well as 'romantic'.
Author kpin124 Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 thanks you guys.... you have really helped i am going to tell him that i can't meet him on valentines day because it is just to risky..... yes it does sound all romantic but it's not worth it..... we will just have to meet on a different day...
Sasperilla Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 ok here is my question ???? i am a mw and my om is also m and well we have known each other now for about 3 years and have been actually intimate now for about 6 months well he wants to meet on valentines day and i just think it is kind of weird... what do you all think? we live about 3 hours apart and it is hard for us to get away and meet and i just thing that valentines day me leaving for the day might send up some red flags with my h..... so i am looking for some advice ..... maybe a what would you do Do you have any idea how callous you sound? Jeeez! Your h is a real lucky guy to married to someone who wants to cheat on him on Valentine's day:sick: Any thought at all for him in all of this?? 1
Author kpin124 Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 Do you have any idea how callous you sound? Jeeez! Your h is a real lucky guy to married to someone who wants to cheat on him on Valentine's day:sick: Any thought at all for him in all of this?? well yes actually i have thought of him..... anyway h is the one who ruined my valentines day last year by telling me that he was thinking about leaving me and he had thought about it all day and he had decided that he could probably afford it on his own and that is what he thought he wanted....... so valentines day kind of sucks around my house because i have that memory those thoughts running through my head of what my h said to me last year!
hotgurl Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 well yes actually i have thought of him..... anyway h is the one who ruined my valentines day last year by telling me that he was thinking about leaving me and he had thought about it all day and he had decided that he could probably afford it on his own and that is what he thought he wanted....... so valentines day kind of sucks around my house because i have that memory those thoughts running through my head of what my h said to me last year! so why don't you just leave your husband
StrivingtoSucceed Posted February 9, 2006 Posted February 9, 2006 O.K., I have read all of the threads you have started. Here is what I learned: You have admitted that you have a low self-esteem, you gained weight during your pregnancy and didn’t lose it right away, your H had something going on with a co-worker that you don’t believe him about and he dropped the bomb on you last V-day that he was thinking he was going to leave. You go back and forth between feeling used for sex by your MM, and thinking that you guys have such a strong bond together. Just recently you wondered if you could possibly be pregnant by some actions that you took. You lost the weight for the MM, not for yourself, or for your H. While the loss of weight can make you yourself feel better, I think your relationship with MM is draining the “feel good” feelings out of that. I think you are using the fact that your H might have possibly had an affair, and that he hurt you last V-Day to justify what you are doing now, and what you are considering. Two wrongs do not make a right, and being vindictive is not doing you, or anyone else a favor. Your H stayed with you. Obviously he wants to be with you. You have been talking to this MM going on three years now ... your H considered leaving one year ago. Have you ever thought that maybe you were already emotionally separated from your H and not providing what his emotional needs were at that time BECAUSE you were already involved with MM? The times you have been with MM in past six months, while infrequent, involve lots of sex in a short amount of time. Of course you are going to feel used ... where is the time spent together doing something OTHER than sex? Dinner? Lunch? Breakfast? Movies? A walk in the park? The fact that he lives three hours away is not an excuse ... he finds a way to meet you to have sex doesn't he? MM is really not the issue here though. The issue is the problem(s) in your marriage and your self-worth. You are possibly using MM as a crutch – look, someone wants me! However, he is holding you down. But you are so close to the picture that you can’t see the whole picture. You questioned if you could get pregnant by using a soiled towel. That leads me to believe that you are young and inexperienced. Sperm would have to be inside your vaginal canal in order to travel to your eggs to get pregnant. (Not saying that can’t happen ... I’m not a doctor, or a scientist, but that would be like me getting an STD from sitting on a toilet seat five minutes after someone who has an STD did ... it doesn’t happen.) Additionally, you reused the condom ... This isn’t meant to be a harsh post, but I think you need to get a hold of yourself and take care of yourself ... for you. Not for anyone else. Counseling. Something. You need to respect yourself enough to not allow some guy to just pay for a few hours in a motel every few months to have lots of sex with. Talk with your H. Whether you tell him, or not is your choice. But the two of you need to decide if you want to work on your marriage, or not. If you don’t, then get out. Make a life for yourself ... and leave the MM behind as well. You deserve better than what he is giving you.
Author kpin124 Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 because we have a 5 year old son.....
Author kpin124 Posted February 9, 2006 Author Posted February 9, 2006 i just wanted to say thank you to "StrivingtoSucceed " for the previous post. it has given me alot to think about and i totaly understand that it was not ment to be harsh! one thing though i did looze the weight for myself i am very happy with the success that i have had .... yes i will admit the mm was a driving force behind the losing weight but i did do it for me it was something i wanted to do and i have done just that! now for my situation i am not real sure what i am going to do you have given me a great deal to think about and hopefully i can make a logical decission....
StrivingtoSucceed Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I can understand what you mean by your 5 year old son ... I was previously married and had two boys with ex-h. Was the hardest decision I ever made in my life and I didn't know how I was going to get through it. Three years after I left him I realized it was the best decision I ever made in my life. How did I leave? Honestly, I couldn't have done it without the support I got from my current H. Met him, 30 days later I left my Ex. He was not the reason I ended my marriage, there were way too many problems in it. What made me realize I needed to leave was that my seven year old was getting old enough to see the things that were going on. THAT opened my eyes as a mother ... did I really want my son's to grow up thinking this is normal? That it is o.k. to treat a spouse the way we were treating each other? Granted, my ex was abusive to me, was a drug-addict and alcoholic, but neither of us treated each other well ... I had numerous affairs on him looking specifically for what you are looking for - someone to love me. We didn't really know any better. If it was just that we needed to learn how to treat each other counseling would have benefited us, but the abuse, drugs, etc. were the real kicker. Back to what you are looking for. Yes, I found it with my current H. But that was after numerous affairs on my part. Most of them were involved in relationships, some of them weren't. Pregnancy ... whose was it? Husbands/other mans? OMG - the stuff that you go through is devastating! Most of them made me feel good while we were together, looking forward to being together, all that. But, I felt dirty, cheap, etc., after all was said and done. I would also feel guilty. So guilty that I felt I owed it to my H to stay with him and make a go of it. I I lucked out with the man I found ... he wasn't involved in another relationship, met me, and basically wouldn't have a relationship with me unless I was separated/divorced. At the same time I met him is the same time I saw what my relationship with Ex was doing to my kids. What I am saying is I think I know where you are. That is great that you lost the weight for you. Congratulations! It is a great feeling! You are carrying around all this weight and regardless of the excuses that you just had a baby ... after a few years, you can't use that as an excuse anymore and you just end up not making excuses for it. But inside you hate it. Losing the weight makes you feel good inside. Just make sure that all the other emotional stuff that you are going through doesn't deprive you of the self-worth and pride that you need to have in yourself. No one is worth giving that up for, no one. 1
Author kpin124 Posted February 10, 2006 Author Posted February 10, 2006 I had numerous affairs on him looking specifically for what you are looking for - someone to love me. well it really sounds like you have been through alot..... i just keep thinking about what you said here looking for someone to love me and that is the truth i do want someone to love me for me to pay attention to me to say nice things to me to want me to LOVE me....... and i guess for a minute i thought it was ok to do what i am doing because i just wanted someone to love me and if i had that then everything would be fine.... well was i ever wrong its not that easy i have never had to deal with anything that was this hard before and some days i just feel so helpless and don't even know what i can do to get my self out of this mess.... i really wish i could talk with you more i really think i could learn a great deal from you..... you have already made me relize some things that i hadn't even thought about untill you posted... thanks again
My_Other_I Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 Valentine's day, B-day, Wedding anniversary day, X-mas.... It doesn't matter, it's just another day to cheat on. Cheating sux no matter what day you do it on. It's not more special just because it's a V-day. As a matter of fact it's not special at all. My MM didn't give rats when he f*cked me. He would go out with his W to celebrate some anniversary and then come to me later. I didn't know about those things until later. V-day is just another excuse for you OM to get some.
StrivingtoSucceed Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 i really wish i could talk with you more i really think i could learn a great deal from you..... kpin - I will be gone for a week, but I'll be back and I'll look for you. But keep posting ... get all your thoughts and feelings out there. Someone will always be on here to answer you and help you through - they helped me through. The reason why it isn't o.k. is b/c you are actually hurting yourself, but don't realize it. Everyone deserves to be loved, wanted, made to feel attractive. Go back and think about how your relationship was with your H before you got married. Why you got married doesn't matter anymore (pregnant), your married. But what was there before that? Was all that there for you then? Really, I think you have three possible choices. Both you and your h are not meeting each others needs and either need to learn how to meet them, end your marriage as amicably as possible, or go on like you two are for another 10 years, possibly have another child, and possibly continue searching for what is missing. I got a book last November that was great, recommended by someone on here. His Needs/Her Needs ... How to Affair Proof Your Marriage. I finished it in about a week. My h is now on Chap. 9. BUT, he is reading it. If you can, get a copy of the book and read it, I think it will shed some light on what you and your H need to do; or, if you decide to get out of your marriage, what you will need to do in another relationship. Above all else though, again, I want to stress that you deserve more than what MM is giving you -- scratch that. He isn't giving you anything, he is bringing you down. And, keep up on taking care of yourself! Don't stop at just the weight loss ... try styling your hair differently, change your make-up around a bit. I'm sure your H has noticed the weight loss and is just as proud of you ... he just might not know how to show it.
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