ktpch Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 So to begin this story, I'm gay, and I have been with my ex boyfriend many atime. Now, I met him a while back at a bar, and yes we were both underage. I saw him and I knew who he was. I told him I thought he was hot and that's where it all started. He came over that night and we talked all night and nothing happened... after that we were unbreakable. After a while I felt like he was to immature dating wise and it was time to break off. I phoned him and basically I made him break up with me... and that was that it was hard. I started dating someone else and they were totally abusive... he eventually moved in with me and one night came home drunk and punched me. I started bleeding and so I called my EX as he talked to me all night while I was locked in the bathroom. One day while working my EX walked in and then ran off. Keep in mind that he was not on my mind all the time but he was still there... He came over that night to "watch movies". A few weeks later we ended up back together... so second time around. Which did last long. We went to a party one night and he loves to drink and he was making a complete arse of himself and I had had it up to wazoo with him. And I broke up with him at the party while he was still drunk. Now, I feel really bad about all this because now I am in a position of where he was and I feel like crap. We started dating a third time... ha, I know. During the four month period that I wasn't with him... I was diagnosed with Panic Disorder and Anixety. So ha, that's a kick in the pants. He went thought a lot with me dealing with all the crap that I. Now after 1 year of dating (again) we have broken up. We broke up over a month ago and this is where we stand... We still kiss (no tongue though), and sometimes we end up having sex. He still tells me he loves as do I, and he goes out of his way to make sure I have a ride somewhere when I need it. It's like we're dating but without the terms of a relationship. I've asked him many times if there was someone else... and he says that there is no one.. that sad thing righjt now is that I don't want to be with anyone else... and that's sad... over the past three years... I haven't wanted to be with anyone else... so I guess I'm asking if anyone has any adivice? Think it will work...? Should I just give it time? Should I just disappear and see what happenes? What do y'all think? Thanks, ktpch
climbergirl Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Question first---Do you believe him when he says there is no one else or do you think he thinks you'll stop sleeping with him if he says there has been someone else?? And I don't quite understand the 'kissing, but no tongue' statement, but you do have sex, right?? By your statement I'm thinking you're saying that sex is purely physical w/ no emotion.(?) By the tone of your post I would tend to think he does have strong, lingering feelings for you, but, probably is as aprehensive as you are. No one wants to get hurt. 1
Author ktpch Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Well, we kiss and only when we're habing sex is when we make out hardcore... It is emotional though. It's special. And I do believe him when he says there is no one else... he continually states that he doesn't want our relationship that we DID have be like the one we COULD have. I often say how I hope we get back together soon and he is quick to agree... I don't know...
climbergirl Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Well, we kiss and only when we're habing sex is when we make out hardcore... It is emotional though. It's special. And I do believe him when he says there is no one else... he continually states that he doesn't want our relationship that we DID have be like the one we COULD have. I often say how I hope we get back together soon and he is quick to agree... I don't know... I don't know why he'd lie under these circumstances, so my opinion is that I think you two have a great chance of having a LTR as long as you two can relax and get past your past. My thought is that you both are afraid to get hurt. And that's f@#*ing normal!! Go for it...........take him out to dinner and TALK!
Author ktpch Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 See we talk all the time about "us" and that's not what he wants to do anymore. He just want's to be able to call me and say "let's hang out" without me asking how we're doing. Which I can understand... it's hard though pretending like every word and every action you have isn't trying to be the "right" move. I want him back. It's sad... but we've tried NC and that didn't work. I ahve no clue waht do do anymore... I was thinking just disappearing from sight for a few weeks would make him see...
climbergirl Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 See we talk all the time about "us" and that's not what he wants to do anymore. He just want's to be able to call me and say "let's hang out" without me asking how we're doing. Which I can understand... it's hard though pretending like every word and every action you have isn't trying to be the "right" move. I want him back. It's sad... but we've tried NC and that didn't work. I ahve no clue waht do do anymore... I was thinking just disappearing from sight for a few weeks would make him see... Ok............try the NC if that is your gut instinct. But, honestly, I think NC only works for a person if there wasn't any ambiguousness (is that an actual word?) involved in the relationship (I.e.-always second guessing your actions--am I right to distance??) . I still say to try talking to him..........I don't want you to continue to hurt. At least then you can internalize one way or another. You can't possibly move on in either direction in limbo.
Author ktpch Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 I want to talk to him, but it's getting to the point where if I try to bring up our relationship it ruins the whole night and then he is in a bad mood. He tells me how he doesn't want to talk about it right now. I just actually promised him as he was over here a few minutes ago that I wouldn't talk about what I want and our more than likely relationship, he said that would be sweet. I think it stresses him out knowing that he loves me... he's told me that before. He wants time to just be away from a relationship. I also asked him if there was actually hope for him and I... he replied with for sure, and that he loved me. It's weird for me. I want him now... but I know in the end that would hurt us. Anyway, it's been more than a month... and we're doing fine... I told him whatever happens in the next few weeks is what happens... I can't wait along for him all my life. I know that I am supossed to be with him though, and it's a weird feeling...
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