csfong007 Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I apologize for the length of this. Please bear with me. Over the past couple of days P (boyfriend) and I have spent some time with two of my close girlfriends, V and G. Both women are attractive, intelligent, fun, and we have become good friends. Of course I am happy that P and they are getting along so well. But, what makes me feel uncomfortable is the somewhat flirtatious behavior and comments. Comments such as: They: C, will you share P with us? C, will you let P be our part-time boyfriend? He: I'll be the part-time boyfriend. I can handle all 3 of you women. Speaking to G he made a comment that he's trying to please her with this dark chocolate/orange candy. What broke the camel's back for me last night was as we were getting ready to leave (P and I came together and I drove) I said I better go and P said he'll stay. Now, I realize I'm quite certain everyone is just joking around and having a good time, however, I feel it's at my expense. I have no problem with P and my girlfriends becoming good friends, laughing, having a good time, him buying them flowers, but I draw the line at flirtatious behavior and comments...at least in front of my face. I am who I am which has always tended to be the more serious type of person. I just can't chill out and laugh things off. It isn't in my nature. When I dropped P off at home last night, the subject came up again and I couldn't take it any longer. Fortunately, there were no tears and no raised voices, but I very strongly let him know that his comments and behavior hurt my feelings and I'm asking him to stop. I'm asking him to respect my feelings. I asked him if he'd like to date other women...I told him if that's what he wants to do to go for it. I'm not going to stop him. He gave me the impression that he wants to date only me and that it's only me. Whatever. I told him that if the roles were reversed, the way that I feel about him, I would NEVER do what he did...NEVER...I would never hurt him or embarrass him in that way. Of course P and I are different...he wouldn't feel the way I feel. I also told him that if he can't respect my feelings on this, then I don't want to be around him. Period. I don't need this. I don't need to be hurt every time I get together with my friends. Well, he says he understands what I'm talking about, he says he won't do it anymore, but I reminded him that he did it a few months ago and he told me back then he wouldn't do it anymore. So, here we are again. Well, I guess time will tell. If he continues to do this, I will call him on it again. P mentioned that I should also talk to V about it. I told him I might but right now I'm talking to him about it. I told P I'm glad he likes my friends and vice versa and I'm happy when we're all together, but, not this part. Things ended okay...not wonderful, not great...just okay. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens in the future. Part of me feels really good about what I did. I felt empowered. I felt like I finally spoke up for myself. In the past I'd always be afraid of speaking up afraid that the guy would leave. But, as much as I love P, if he walks away because of this, so be it...then he's not the man I thought he was nor would I want to be with him. But of course part of me is afraid that he will in fact walk away and that would be difficult. But, I just felt this is something I couldn't deal with. I have two questions: 1. Do you think it'd be right of me to speak to V as well? 2. I'm curious how you would've handled it. Would it have bothered you or would you have just been able to run with the punches every single time you got together? Thanks for your help.
Spleen Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I think I would take it as a compliment that my girlfriends liked my guy so much and all thought he was hot. Even a little flirtation from them would just indicate to me that I have something they want but can't have. I'd take on an attitude like, yeah that's right, he's hot, and he's mine. It also would show confidence in that you are self-assured and not jealous, and guys like that. That's just me though... of course, I would get upset and draw the line if he started actually getting close to any of them, having private conversations with them excluding you, etc., or if anything went beyond superficial flirtation. Him staying behind to hang out with your girl friends while you went home is a little weird. You must really trust your girl friends. Seems like you made it clear to him that it bothers you. If he continues to disregard your feelings, then he's selfish and would rather soak up attention from a bunch of girls who he barely knows than have a meaningful relationship with one nice girl. If you trust your girl friends, then sure, talk to them and tell them it makes you uncomfortable, or to go find their own guys, etc.
Author csfong007 Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 Spleen, Thanks so much for your reply. It helped and I really appreciated it. C
Recommended Posts