dilbert Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 My wife is from South America... Has been here for around 5 years and I have known her for 3.5 and been married for 2. If anyone on here is bilingual in spanish please let me know, I will show you the origianl emails... I am hoping I am just translating these things very wrongly.. Her first language is Spanish and I can speak basic spanish, but not write it really well... Well over the past month or so she has been coming out of a shell... she was always really conservative about sex, wanting just kisses, massaging and then sex. Never would let me finger her, give felletio, touch her anus, and would rarely give me head... We fairly recently (1.5years) moved to our new city, and didn't start making friends as a couple until about 1-2 months ago. About a month ago we went to a strip club and got a couple of dances that she liked but told me she only liked it because I liked it. Then we started watching the bunnyranch show on HBO about the whore house in las vegas. After that she started changing more, letting me do more stuff in bed, becoming more fun. I thought it was a combination of the strip club, making friends, and the tv show that was bringing her out of a shell. about 2 weeks ago she shaved completly (only the second time ever). Last monday she said she had to work late which is what I was doing so I didn't think anything of it. She left on thursday to go home for a week back to South America. I woke up thinking about all the changes and it got me thinking about how it was possible that she was cheating on me. I got into her email and this is what I found... now its all translated from spanish and I don't have many of her emails cause hotmail doesn't save the outgoing mail... Let me know what you think... Him I tried to call you early today, but I don't know if I could. I'm at (work?) all day. What time do you get out? I'll try to be at LOCAL CITY whenever you get out. Do you have plans? _____ Wife Hey! How are you? Tomorrow I work the first shift. call me. _____ Him- Do you hide yourself? I'll see you on monday. Don't worry. I'll call you as soon as I get out of work so we can see each other. _______ Wife I can leave early because I have a supervisor working with me, but that depends on you, truthefully, and I prefer that you call me, it saddens/pains/embaresses me to call you. ____ him I'll try to call you early but I don't know if I can. I'm at (work?) all day. What time do you get out? I'll try and be at "Local City" for when you get out. Do you have plans? ____ EDITING... Monday night I found a credit card bill for 9bucks at a local bar/resturant... she told me she was working late... This is the email for the next day, tuesday. Him- How do you feel? Good I hope! I woke up with a sore throat. ____ Him again final email came yesterday Hello (nickname/affectionate name?) How are things? I hope you're rejuvinated 1000% When is it you return? I really want to... Let's see if we can go crazy a little, no? I'll soon tell you what I have in mind let me know how you are! ok? Later
JadeStar Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Just from reading the email I would say something is really up. Does she know you have read the email? If so have you asked her about it? Here's some options for you, either call her out on the email and ask her about it. Which she will probably pass off as "we're just friends," also if she is doing something, she will know you suspect something and either end whatever is going on, or she will learn to hide it better. Or wait it out and see if you see anything else new develop. However, I wouldn't wait to long. If infact she is cheating, especailly sexually, not only could she be risking her health but yours as well. If she were to tell you again shes working late, you could always show up at her work to see if shes there. If shes not you could try that bar where you said you saw a credit card bill. Jade
SoleMate Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 The answer to your question is that yes, your wife is engaged in an emotional and probably also physical affair. "Getting crazy" has a strong sexual implication - unless you know that they are competitive flamenco dancers. I would suggest that you actually don't NEED to know for sure whether/how physical it has gotten, because you already know the most important fact and one that should drive you to action: Your marriage is in crisis. You can choose to: 1) Fight for your marriage 2) Stall for time while you think about things (max 3 months) 3) Plan to end your marriage If you choose to fight (that doesn't mean be nasty, it means throw every ounce of your strength and courage into saving your r/s, just like you would fight off a grizzly bear who was lunging at your toddler), please check out the books of Dr. Willard Harley (Plan A, Plan B, Love Bank, Love Busters). There is hope if you want to make the effort. Good luck.
Bryanp Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 She is cheating on you and putting your health at risk for STD's. The question is what are you going to do about it? I would confront her and ask her why she would put her marriage at risk like this. I would demand no contact with this person and go for marriage counseling. If she refuses then I would contact a lawyer. If the roles were reversed, do you think she would put up with such crap from you? I wish you luck.
Author dilbert Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 I have two problems, with coming out and accusing her right away... One is that these emails are in spanish... I don't understand spanish, I am not going to accuse her of somthing unless I get a little more concrete eveidence. (She doesn't know that I have reading her email, but she is probably not concerned with hiding it since the subjects are hola, and hi plus they are entirly in spanish and she knows I don't understand a whole lot). the other problem is our relationship has gotten much more active over the past month or two. We just started making friends outside of work" (due to the fact that we just moved here recently and neither of us work in jobs where we can make friends with our co-workers as she is the boss of her store, and I work as a contractor in a place where everyone else is jeoulus of both my office, pay, benefits, and they are all over 20 years older than me, plus I live 30 min. away in a town where my wife works) We just started going out again, hanging out at friends houses, going to couples poker night, our sex life has become much better and we rarely spend anytime apart except for work. Monday was the exception, thats the first time its ever happened. Our basic relationship has not gotten worse, its improved. We have never not hung out, we spend just about all our time together, we never fight except about the few lb's that I have gained since we have been together which is going away rapidly. We go out to a upscale bar where we keep meeting people our age and in our similar situation. Her parents are also living with us because they just immigrated here and that made her happier than anything because she didn't see them for almost 4 years. Is it possible to have a better relationship because of this? I could be translating these passages wrong see http://www.network54.com/Forum/241066/message/1138991371/Translation+help....Is+my+wife+cheating- and http://www.network54.com/Forum/241066/message/1139255176/Spanish+-+English+Translation...+Is+my+wife+cheating- for the spanish versions of this letter if you know spanish. I don't want to be niaive, I also don't want to get screwed. She has gained a little weight and all her friends and family call her fat (somethign crazy about her culture, I get pissed at this), I think that has been getting on her nerves but she won't believe me that a size 5 is perfect (used be be a zero when I met her)... could she be flirting to see if she still has it? Because of her career she sees hundreds of people every day and she has told me that two guys in the past few weeks were hitting on her... I don't know, I have been going nuts since last week and I am getting tired of going nuts, I just want proof now... I seriously hope that nothing ever comes of this, but I am also not going to hide my head under a blanket... Also, my mom cheated on my dad a few years back, she knows I am wary of that fact and I have made my opinions known about what I would do if that ever happened to me. That happened just as we were going out, and she pretty much forced me to start talking to my mom again. Could this be causing me to worry too much? One last thing too... she told me while she was drunk and just after a couple of private dances at the strip club that she wouldn't mind having a girl first share the bed if I didn't mind it then have a guy share the bed... never mentioned it since, but I was sober and havn't hinted at it... could it be that she wants to become a swinger? I told her about the party's they have locally (which I researched afterward) and she never brought it up again... she was in catholic school from 1st to 12 and still has some baggage from that, that she is just now getting rid of... I know this is a huge twist, but I just remembered this...
tweedle-dee Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 This is definately not good news. I would say she is definately cheating on you. The translations do give a good idea of what the e-mails mean. I don't know it perfectly, but I read them and I came to the same conclusion you did. What gives it all away is his comment in the e-mail : "I really want to...:)" I understood it as he really has the desire to ... Same meaning. But, That gave it away! Talk to her. Be more patient. Don't spill the beans. Can you surprise her at work? See her reaction. See how she acts. You don't want to do something stupid and find out you're wrong. But I will tell you I don't think you can be wrong. This is way too much!! See how things go, try to catch her in action.. That's the best confirmation... Good luck.
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I'd say basically you translated it correctly. The vocabulary is easy and does not really contain any traps. I think I would be concerned with "I really want to...;)", somehow that doesn't sound too good. I think you should talk with her and clarify things. What I don't really like about your posts is that your focus is so much on sex. The way you talk about it and your expectations makes me uncomfortable just reading about it. Does Hotmail not save your outgoing emails?? I'd check your account settings. My comments on your translation: I tried to call you early today, but I don't know if I could. I'm at (work?) all day. What time do you get out? I'll try to be at LOCAL CITY whenever you get out. Do you have plans? He said "trataré" which means he will call her. The correct phrase is: "I will try to call you early, but I don't know if I will be able to." juzgado = court morena = brunette, dark haired; it's sometimes used to address people, I wouldn't say it's especially affectionate morenasa could be a comparison in South America, not sure what it means alocamos: I have no clue what this verb means, so I'm not going to confirm that you are right with your translation, might be right though
Author dilbert Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 I aplogize for the focusing on sex. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I am just trying to give as much information as possible so someone from a distant perspective has all the information. So much of what I have been reading is where people say their spouse becomes cold or offputting. I havn't read much about it going the other way. Sorry to make you uncomfortable.. but thank you for the translations. Hotmail only saves outgoing emails if you select that option when your sending the email.. she never selects is. She just responded to that last email, and I want to see what she wrote more than anything...
JadeStar Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 One of the signs of cheating, and I say signs because thats all it is until further proof which looks like you have. But alot of people think that lack of sex can mean cheating, which sometimes it can, but it can mean the opposite as well. Sometimes when a person all of a sudden wants sex more or wants to try new positions etc, can be a sign as well. I don't think anyone is saying you need to come right out and accuse her, but you do need to find out exactly what is going on for sure one way or the other. Jade
butterflygurl929 Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I agree with all the other posters as well , get to the bottom of what is going on before you accuse her.. If you accuse her with no proof to back it up she will deny it ..
portableversion Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 You've 'turned' her out, as they say in prisons. You take her to strip clubs, watch porn with her, etc...all in an effort to combat her 'conservative' ways and to make her more whorish, and now you are bitching because she's actually becoming that whore. Be careful what you wish for, sonny.
Author dilbert Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 [FONT="]From her today... Heyyy, como estas, espero que mejor que yo,al final tuve un accidente con el pie izquierdo, y no puedo caminar bien.Llego el jueves en la manana y trabajo en la tarde de todas maneras te llamo en cuento llegue..y que planes tienes? [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]Tambien te quiero ver [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]cuidate From him... [/FONT][FONT="]Osea que metiste la pata!! y como fue el accidente? no tengo planes todavia hablamos cuando llegues! si no escucho de ti antes de que te vengas, pues que tengas un buen viaje y platicamos cuando llegues ok? [/FONT][FONT="] [/FONT][FONT="]Bye. I am so unbelivelbly p*ss*d off.. I don't even know what to do... I want to go home and kick her parents out of my house, take their car and so much more... she said "te quiero" to him which is almost like saying i love you but its a little lower... more like i really really like you. I won't do any of that, but I am dying here. she told me yesterday she hurt her foot and they took a toenail off. Yah, I did that, but she went along with it all, I never had to ask her, and the strip club was her idea. [/FONT]
Bryanp Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I am sorry Dilbert but she is playing you for an absolute fool. You deserve better than this. She is totally disrespecting you.
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 She didn't say she loved... You should take a Spanish class, really. I would expect my spouse to learn my language as well. Heyyy, como estas, espero que mejor que yo,al final tuve un accidente con el pie izquierdo, y no puedo caminar bien.Llego el jueves en la manana y trabajo en la tarde de todas maneras te llamo en cuento llegue..y que planes tienes? Tambien te quiero ver cuidate Hey, how are you, I hope better than I. In the end I had an accident with my left foo and I can't walk properly. I arrive on Thursday in the morning and work in the evening. In any case I call as soon as I arrive.. and what plans do you have? I also want to see you. Take care. Osea que metiste la pata!! y como fue el accidente? no tengo planes todavia hablamos cuando llegues! si no escucho de ti antes de que te vengas, pues que tengas un buen viaje y platicamos cuando llegues ok? In other words you put your foot in it [i hope that's the right English expression]!! And how was the accident? I still don't have plans, let's speak when you arrive! And if I don't hear from you before you come, then have a good trip and let's chat when you arrive, ok? dilbert, I didn't mind hearing about you talking about your sex life, but it somewhat disturbs me to see how you view your wife. I kind of miss a true connection with her, most of your relationship seems to focus on sex. Also the fact that you don't speak her language that well doesn't sound very good. I think there is more distance between you than you imagine right now. Are you sure you have a complete idea of your wife as a person? How her feelings are and what kind of problems she might have? I think some people who have a partner from a different culture don't really have a clue about them and how strongly they got influenced by their culture and their upbringing in it. And if I may say, Americans are one of the most ignorant ones towards other cultures.
JadeStar Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 So dilbert whats your plan? Are you going to ask her about all this? Surprise her at work when she has to work late? Sit back and see what else develops? Just wondering if you had a plan of action on the matter. Jade
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Damn it, this new editing rules sucks! I wanted to add that you of course do not deserve to get treated like this and that you might want to go to counseling with her if you want to save your marriage to get to the roots of your problems. If you end up in a foreign country it can be lonely for people and she might miss her country more than she actually wants this guy. He just might represent this feeling of home to her.
Author dilbert Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 I will agree with you about the culture. I don't know as much as I should about it, But I have been learning how to speak spanish, writing is beyond me. We have been focused mainly on her learning to write and speak better as she is a mananger of a major quick service food chain, and needs to be fluent in English. My whole relationship doesn't center around sex, its just changed dramatically in the past month, which is why I brought it up. I have been to Peru to visit her friends and family, her parents live in my house which is why I am learning to speak spanish, and can carry on a conversation with them without a problem, they only came to the states in the middle of last year. Her parents even commented how she won't teach me spanish. "Te Quiero" is something that she told me you (or her she is Peruvian) only say to someone your dating. She told me its the step below "Te Amo". She started saying it to me. Its possible I am mistaken on this as its been a couple of years, and I seriously hope that I am completly wrong. I take great pains to learn about her culture. Loony, from your reading do you feel that she is seeing this other guy behind my back? Whats your feeling just from reading the emails, eliminating my comments...
Author dilbert Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 I agree... She has been here 5 years, is a great girl, very cute, funny and fun to be around. yeah, she misses her home and her friends. and I took her away from all her friends she had during her first 3.5 years here when I moved her to the new city. As far as planning goes, I think I will catch them in the act... I am not going to say anything to her... I will just act naturally with her... but once she comes home all communication will goto cell phone and I will lose the email... then again I may confront her on thursday when she comes home. don't know yet... I have to go home and face her parents... oh yeah, she got a pedicure in peru and they infected her toe, she went in for surgery on her foot and had to take the toe nail off... thats the other part of that note, she told me about that yesterday.
JadeStar Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 What do mean all communication will go to cell phones and you will lose this?
Author dilbert Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 Currently since she is out of the country they are corresponding via email... when she comes home, it will be entirly by cell phone...
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 From your posts I get the feeling that you might be a bit of a 'nice' guy, that you do like her, but are not really connecting with her on an emotional level. You need to talk with her, that's the most important thing. I have no clue if she is cheating or not, it might be some kind of emotional affair though. They do seem to talk a lot and it seems they have some kind of close friendship. I would not exclude that she was cheating on you, but I would also not say that I'm a 100% sure. When you talk to her, try to stay calm and collected. I somehow have the feeling that you are too hot tempered. "Te quiero" does indeed mean "I love you", the same as "te amo", but the latter is a bit stronger and only reserved to lovers. The former can also be said to friends. It sometimes has the same importance as the "I love you's" that Americans throw around. In this case though "te quiero" is followed by an infinitive "ver" which means "to see", therefore she didn't say "I love you", but "I want to see you". "Querer" is a modal verb and can be followed by an infinitive. It can mean "to love" or just a simple "to like". If you want to make sure that you love someone say "te amo", but I think it also considered to be a tad kitschy. si no escucho de ti antes de que te vengas I think I didn't translate it quite right, I guess he wanted to say, before she left.
loony Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 To clarify the situation, they are both in Peru now? Actually, I'm getting quite confused with the emails.
Author dilbert Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 She is in peru.... whoever this other person is is here.. This is the extent of the email and proof that I have... Nothing more.. I have simplified it and taken all the headers and subjects out. Plus I have a receipt for where she bought dinner on monday night when she told me she was working late. the $$ was only for 8 bucks at a sit down place, so it may have only been one-two drinks and a tip at most. From Him. Te escondes? te veo el Lunes AH -------------------------- From Her Hey, como estas! Manana trabajo en el primer turno, me llamas. Cuidate -------------------------- From Him. Hey, Tratare de llamarte temprano pero no se si pueda! estoy en el juzgado todo el dia! a que hora sales? tratare de estar en Lex. para cuando salgas. tienes planes? Bye. -------------------------- From Her. Puedo salir temprano, por que tengo un supervisor trabajando conmigo, pero es depende de ti, la verdad, y prefiero que tu me llames, me da pena llamarte. Bye -------------------------- From Him. No te preocupes Yo te llamo tan pronto salga del trabajo espero que no s podamos ver! -------------------------- From Her. MISSING -------------------------- From Him. Como te sientes? Espero que bien! Yo amaneci con un dolor de garganta!! later -------------------------- From Him. Hola morenasa, como te va? espero que te estes reventando al 1000% Cuando es que regresas? tengo muchas ganas de......;)haber si nos alocamos un poco no? ya te dire lo que tengo en mente dejame saber como te va! ok? hasta pronto! AH -------------------------- From Her Heyyy, como estas, espero que mejor que yo,al final tuve un accidente con el pie izquierdo, y no puedo caminar bien.Llego el jueves en la manana y trabajo en la tarde de todas maneras te llamo en cuento llegue..y que planes tienes? Tambien te quiero ver cuidate . -------------------------- From Him. Osea que metiste la pata!! y como fue el accidente? no tengo planes todavia hablamos cuando llegues! si no escucho de ti antes de que te vengas, pues que tengas un buen viaje y platicamos cuando llegues ok? Bye.
In Like Flynn Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 I think you can assume that most if not 99% of people reading this can't speak/read spanish. Can you translate please.
loony Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 The situation does seem somewhat fishy, but I'm still not sure what to think. You definitely should talk with her.
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