BUTAFLY Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 my friends are tired of me talking about my ExBF they say is married know and I should get over the fact he never told me he was engaged. Well its hard because not only do i see him everyday at work, but how he makes me feel in side, it feels like love. My girls say its not, that I cant love someone who has done me so wrong. I say if it isn't love that I am feeling, then what is love?
It's all good Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I'm afraid absolutely no one will have the correct answer for you. Only their opinions. There is no one true answer to that question. It sucks that he doesn't have the same feelings for you. I can understand your feelings for him and how they feel like love. If you feel like you love him than you prob. do. You can love people who don't love you, you can love people who treat you like dirt. It can be unrational, insane and the worst decision for you but it's still love. love is just a feeling. A feeling of being wanted, lust, companionship, friendship....it's feelings beyond just liking someone. it's different for everyone. It makes us do stupid things, make bad decisions or vice versa. It's not in your head. It's not thinking...it's feeling.
Allegrokw Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 It is an illusion. Give it up before it eats you alive. Love yourself first. Trust me on this one. I am reeling from the illusion
curly Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Remember that, from the 70's? Anyway, Love is diferent for everyone. For some, it's the time & history spent with someone else. For others, lust turned into something more permanent. Regardless, only you know when you love. It's different from liking someone a lot. You want to be with that person. Just their presence makes you feel good. I think it's something about the chemistry.... your smells/scents match, your breathing is similar... it's all animal. Yes, you can love someone that doesn't love you. That other person may really like you a lot or even love you but there are degrees of love. You love your parents/siblings one way. Love your friends another. And love people/lovers to certain degrees. Sometimes we love someone, but just not as much as they love you back. But, we all have to decide what we will accept in life. Can you survive loving someone who doesn't return the same level of love that you do? I know I can't, which is why I decided to end my R with my xMM. He loves me, but he does not know how to treat me right. They way I want to be treated. Try to stop loving him.... seems impossible, I know. But with no contact, you will achieve distance, emotionally. This is very important. Just keep your relationship on a professional level. Ignore the heart emotions, they will only pull you down. Know that you can love. That is something that only you own. No one can take that from you. But hold the knowledge that you love inside you. Relize that you are capable of strong feelings, but deserve to give that love to someone who will return it. Also, sometimes, unrequited love becomes all consuming. Just let it die. you will love again. Just let yourself love someone available. Good luck and hang in there. Time is on your side. 2
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Hi Butafly, I have read some of your threads and I understand what you are "feeling". My skin all over my body feel tingly and warm at just the thought of him. If that is not love, then I don't know what that is either. I wonder all the time how it would be if we were married, too. How long has he been married now?
Author BUTAFLY Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 One year. We still engage in small talk at work and he told me he is going on an anniversary cruise this week. It is so hard to hear things like that. my heart fills with jealousy but I try to surpess those feelings and smile and be polite, but on the inside i am dying.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 One year. We still engage in small talk at work and he told me he is going on an anniversary cruise this week. It is so hard to hear things like that. my heart fills with jealousy but I try to surpess those feelings and smile and be polite, but on the inside i am dying. Butafly, my heart goes out to you. I don't know if you've read my thread, but my OM just left for to the skiing trip 3 days ago. I did not want to join them with my H as I know how I would feel seeing him with his W -- whom he claims he doesn't love. I am avoiding any contact with my OM and I am HOPING that my feelings for him will go away. But it must be really difficult for you since you see him every day.... Keep posting. May I suggest that you take up a new hobby to occupy your mind? I play the piano and I find that whenever I play, I do not think about my OM... though sometimes, I do wish that he could hear me play. Needless to say, my H has been complaining that I play the piano too often!! PS. I truly feel that I know how love feels now. I did not feel this way for my H even when we were dating. It is such a magical feeling that you don't want to part with even though it is probably doing more harm... *sigh* Good luck. I wish I could make you feel better.
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 my friends are tired of me talking about my ExBF they say is married know and I should get over the fact he never told me he was engaged. Well its hard because not only do i see him everyday at work, but how he makes me feel in side, it feels like love. My girls say its not, that I cant love someone who has done me so wrong. I say if it isn't love that I am feeling, then what is love? Love is the emotion that you feel. Body, soul and mind. The 'action' of love is being with the person, allowing the love to grow together. Right now it's one sided...You spend so much time fantasizing about him, that you're not allowing yourself to let go...And that is why you're hurting. You're into a man who cannot be yours. You love how he makes you feel, but he isn't yours to gain that love from. He belongs to someone else. I do think you need to back off of him and really concentrate on yourself and letting go. Because if you don't, you're living off of a false hope that he'll be with you...And I think you know that is never going to happen.
Author BUTAFLY Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Knowhowlovefeels, Thanx, you really get it, sometimes its hard to communiate because people just don't understand. I know I have to stop thinking of him, it even gets exhausting. Its an double edge sward right now because I literaly have to mentally prepare myself for seeing him at work when my goal is not to think of him at all. When he gave me the lets be friends speech I was stable enough to carry on a semi friendship with him and chit chat about personal things with out getting jealous, but to my dismay I can't. Its almost like I am addicted to him. its not like i want him(before i discovered he was engaged to be married I broke up with him) its like an obsession to figure out who he really is, was everything lies? could he be a good person/ good husband? he discribes all the good times with his wife(and referes to her as 'my sweetie' in his stories, which I hate!) and he seems normal. but then again could a normal person do what they did to me? Its the quest for the truth that gets me. I feel if I know the truth I can then wrap my head around the whole situation and have closure. until then I'm stuck.
Craig Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 If you truly loved him, you would want what is best for him and would want to see him happy.
Author BUTAFLY Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 If you truly loved him, you would want what is best for him and would want to see him happy. I know he is better off with her. I know I can't give him all the things she can that was one of his reasons why he chose her over me. It doesn't stop me from being jealous though. Its not like I am persuing him or sleeping with him. I have not touch that man since I found out he was engaged. like I said before I don't want him back, just looking for truth
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