will_d Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Hi everyone, I Don't know really where to start with this but here it goes... I started seeing a girl in November last year. She seemed absolutely perfect, everything was right... as i guess it always seems at the time, but there was really no doubt in my mind with her, she was what i had always wanted. Just before heading home for Christmas, as i am at university, we began to get serious, were sleeping together and we were in a relationship in anything but name. She seemed really happy and really wanted us. Some of the most perfect times i had ever had. She was going through a bad time at work and decided, with my advice and her families, to leave. She went back home to her family for christmas and we kept in contact. As we couldnt see each other we talked and messaged everyday, none of the long distance problems i had had in my previous relationship. When we both got back, things started to go wrong. I had come back early just to see her and she was busy and caught up in other things, i was on my own for a week and we argued as she didnt seem as intimate or interested. She was so down about not having a job, depressed with everything. Over the next 4 weeks we argued when we met because she couldnt say what she wanted anymore, even with me, she didnt know whether she would go home or not to live, couldnt get a job and things got worse, she got more depressed and i got more hurt. Instead of just leaving her to sort things out, telling her to call me when she knew what she wanted, i tried to support her. I guess i was so shocked by how things had changed, i felt so insecure that i put pressure on her to decide on whether she wanted me while doing this, i said i understood if she was at home it couldnt work, but while she was here we should make a go of it. I really wish that i had given her space now but i was so frightened of losing her. Just as things started to become normal between us, i came out of a night club and saw her kissing another guy, a friend of hers from ages ago so i found out. I spoke to her the next day and she was really upset and down, constantly crying and told me how she loved me and wanted it to work and would do anything. She then went back home for a week to sort herself out, we talked, but less and less that week. When she got back i felt as if she was messing me around, i felt hurt and wanted her to know. i told her by email and next day went round to see her. She said she felt we needed to be friends until she knew what she wanted. I asked did she love me or had she just said it as a reaction to the event the week before? She told me that she didnt know. I said that i was happy to start again and to see each other, but i needed more than friends between us. i thought that we could work because there was nothing wrong, she was depressed and i could help. She said she couldnt do that at the moment. I said for her to call me if things changed, she said she would, but was a bit hurt and so was sarcastic about whether she would. I know that her ex used to argue with her a lot and i think thats what she felt had happened to us, but it was the situation not us and i wanted her to see that. I did the whole NC thing, even though it killed me for 1 week. Then that weekend i saw her in the night club, she passed by and made small talk. Later in the night i was drunk and so i asked her if we could talk she said not while she was with her friends, and that we should go for a coffee at some point. i always saw her online, on msn messenger, but never spoke during that week of NC. the day after the night club thing she was online but i didnt talk to her even though i wanted to, i left it till today and she seems to never be online (2nd day after the night out) so i sent a txt message saying that we should go for a coffee like she said. She hasn't replied. I really want her back, cannot concentrate on anything and wanted to find out how she felt. i am really worried about her state of mind and want to give her the love and support she needs. She had hurt me by kissing another guy but i had said some horrible things to her the day after, things i really want to take back, and had already told her that i didnt mean them. I will see her most weekends out at night and dont know how to deal with her being around all her lad friends that she has, even though it wasnt a problem before. it just kills me to think of not being with her and for her to be with someone other than me. I know NC is for the best but how do i deal with her trying to small talk with me when we're out? and how do i get on with knowing that the one person i want i cannot have...ever? Any help would be really appreciated as this has really messed me up more than anything i have had in the past, even a 2yr relationship. Thanks.
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Im sorry but I dont have any advice as Im sorta in the same boat. I have just started NC and hate it! I know it's for the best but man does it suck. I guess Im just saying that I feel for you and hope things work out for the best.
Author will_d Posted February 6, 2006 Author Posted February 6, 2006 thanks very much hurtbeyondwords... as u say it sucks and is difficult to deal with... university and going to the same places makes matters worse. Anyway, i hope that u 2 get through it, i guess being strong and to keep saying that your better than to run after someone who doesn't care is all u can do. Good Luck... i really mean it
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