verrrrryyyylost Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Im kind of new to this. Any advice would be great. Heres my story ... Well I was in a relationship for 4 years and 4 weeks ago my ex broke up with me. This was what I thought just to be a temp thing as we have done this in the past and just took the words as if it was just a tease or something to hurt the other person. A few days passed and as both of us are stubborn we didn't call each other. I then called her because I missed her. We had this huge talk about her just wanting to be friends and stuff. I was heart broken. I told her I would do anything for her to take me back ect. and she didn't budge. A few more days passed I went along calling and sms'n her and trying to see if she would get back with me (the hope was still there). This once again ended in tears as she said she still didn't want to get back with me. Then she came over and said she needed some time to deceide weither she wanted to get back with me. She said she just needs some time alone. At this time she wouldn't even tell me she loved me when I told her I loved her which realy hurt! She was also telling me things like go make out with other girls and stuff. To me this came as a surprise as she is very very very jelious and used to even hate the thought of another female "checking me out". She also said not to call her for 5 days so she could have time alone. To me this was the point where I just wanted to die . I thought I had no hope to get her back so I started in the right track to move on. I didn't call her and tried my hardest not to think about her. I wanted her to call me to see if she missed me or still wanted me.. she didn't. I thought we were over and I felt I had nothing left to offer her. I told her how I felt and how I loved her so much and I couldn't stand to be just friends. I was moving on. I started to talking to girls and even kissed a girl when I was mega drunk. This made me feel a whole lot worse for some reason. I still couldn't stop thinking about my ex. About 10 days after no contact I went to see her mum (who I adore) for her birthday. I knew she would be there and in a way I kind of wanted to see her as well. When I went there I ignored her and just payed attention to her family (I missed them). For some reason she went through my phone and saw a few girls numbers and messages from girls. She got mega jelious and we had a little argument. I went on ignoring her which got her blood boiling. She called me to her room and we had a talk. At this moment I thought "yes! she wants to get back with me". She was telling me she loved and missed me ect. This went well and ended up at my place talking. She said she still wants to be friends and she will still have sex with me. This once again brought hope for us to be together. She still made it clear that we were just friends. For the next 2 days she came over and we had sex as friends. Over those days she now tells me she loves me and cares for me but doesnt want to get back together. She still tells me to go make out with other girls but she wants to know about it. She wants to see and talk to me as friends just with sex involved. The sex is realy for me as she doesn't realy like having sex that often. Seems like a trade off? Im friends with her and she gives me sex? She also says that she doesn't want to get with any other guys at the moment and will let me know if she does (I told her if she does im leaving because im to jelious)? She says that maybe down the track we will get back together? This is all giving me hope. I want to hold on but Im not sure if thats the right thing to do as it may end in more heart ache. Im mega confused. Should I continue this friendship and hold on to her with the thought of getting back with her? or should I move on without her (knowing that later she might want me back)? With all the things she has said I trust her 100%. I know she still loves and cares for me. I know she doesnt want to make out with guys (no just yet anyways). I know she wants to see me. I just can't understand why she doesn't want to be with me? What we are doing now is exactly what couples do? She says this is not a test either? Im lost! ... Any help would be great. Thank you in advance.
newbby Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 it sounds as though she is going through the usual post break up feelings, missing you etc. getting jealous is natural too, it doesnt necessarily mean anything. so she says go off and have other girls but hang around with me and i will give you sex. no wonder you are confused, but it really does seem like she wants it all on her terms. she wants you to be around whilst she gets over the relationship, she wants you to ease her out of the relationship. i have seen it many times. ive also been in the position you are now in. it NEVER works. if she wants to end the relationship, she has to accept what that actually means. if you are there accompanying her through the end, how does she get chance to miss you and see what being over with you is really like? DONT DO IT. she will lose respect for you. hope this helps. 1
Author verrrrryyyylost Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 Thankyou so much for your advice. It means the world to me ... It was to hard to open up this much to anyone. I just did it the cowards way I spose ...
newbby Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Thankyou so much for your advice. It means the world to me ... thats quite okay It was to hard to open up this much to anyone. I just did it the cowards way I spose ... i dont quite understand this:confused: are you talking about opening up to her in your relationship? and dealing with the break up in the cowards way? if so, i dont think many people deal with the end of relationships very well. of course love shack helps! it sounds as though, you are doing fine, asking questions and ready to accept the answers you hear, shows that you have the strength to accept the end of the relationship.
Author verrrrryyyylost Posted February 8, 2006 Author Posted February 8, 2006 Thanks ... I haven't yet stopped calling her tho ... Plus she still has some of my stuff (which I need) ... She gives me signs like she wants me back Arggrgrgggg ... Maybe she does? ... Im still mega confused ... She says that she isn't being friends just to get over me? ... What should I say/do?
newbby Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 well if you want to be just friends or f*** buddies, go for it. bear in mind that any decision you make has to be based only on what is happening NOW. i.e, dont be her f*** buddy, with a view to a committed relationship, or a friend with a view to getting back together. make your decision based ONLY on what she is offering right now. if you dont want either of those, then you have to accept it is over and take steps to dealing with it. if you look around this site, you will find nc mentioned quite alot. this is generally because it works better than anything else in helping you get over somebody. if you have made a decision, and you WANT to do nc, but are stopping yourself because she has some of your things, think long and hard about whether this is an excuse or not. do you require these things to live? more than likely the loss of these things will not result in more than a slight inconvenience. if you definetly must have these things, collect them all at once, and be done with it. there are some very good threads on nc, the best (that i know of) is this one http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/?highlight=guide+for+the+long+walk, although i think caliguy has done his own research into the subject, so you might also want to look up his threads.
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