luvtoto Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 ...have had 4 lunch dates and one weekend date hanging out with his buddies. I'm dissappointed because we have not even held hands yet. I don't think we'll ever move out of the friendship stage. I am tired of dating aseholes and thought I'd like to get to know a nice guy for a change...but, I feel like I'm out on a date with my brother. We've had chances to kiss...but after being his coworker for 3 yrs at the office, it is just tooooo weird to switch it up and become lovers. It just ain't happening. Oh well, back to the drawing board. *sigh* 1
mrB2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Hi, Well, I have some experience in this department... First off, I don't consider this guy a 'nice guy' in the pathetic sense.... To me it sounds like he is shy.... I was in this situation....I didn't hold my friends hand. I didn't do squat...She was giving me all of the signals, but I was too damn chicken to do anything... I know some who have read my posts last summer are saying that I had no shot at all with my friend...They may be right.. My advice to you is to make the first move....Go for his hand. However, do not pull something too grand, like a neckrub in public.. (That happened to me and that messed me up even worse...I was torn for days as to what my move should be...I freaked out I guess). But Don't be too pushy. I realize that the guy is suppose to make the first move. However, this guy sounds like me. I truely loved this gal, but was too much of a wussy to show her. So, this guy may be head over heels in love with you, but just too shy to make a move... In my situation, I just wish my friend had held my hand rather than give me a neckrub... Well, that's all I have now. I'm sure you'll get more responses later.... but don't give up hope yet....He'll come around. (I came around, but it was too late!).
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Maybe he's the sort of guy that thinks it's un-gentleman-ly to make a move on a girl he's not officially dating (unless you ARE officially dating, and I misinterprreted your post). It's rare to find a guy with that sort of class nowadays. Or else, like MrB said, maybe he's just shy. Either way, don't give up! Nice guy > jerk, any day, any time. 1
noclobber Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Hi luvtoto, "4 lunch dates and one weekend date hanging out with his buddies" does not sound romantic at all! it looks more like two friends hanging out together. are you sure that he knows you have a romantic interest in him? may be he doesn't know and that's why he is not making a move? flirt with him, touch him a lot, and try to get him for a dinner date. good luck to you
noclobber Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 I am tired of dating aseholes and thought I'd like to get to know a nice guy for a change... ha ha... no wonder they say "nice guys finish last"
Author luvtoto Posted February 6, 2006 Author Posted February 6, 2006 Sorry...I posted last night and then went right to bed. Thanks for all your replies everyone. Well, we are supposed to be on dates getting to know each other. He asked me out a couple days before Christmass in a letter which seemed really romantic. I just think he's lost interest in me. Something I did or said turned him off. Last night during the football game, he just sat next to me with his arms crossed all night. No guy is really THAT shy.
alphamale Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 ......but, I feel like I'm out on a date with my brother. ..."sibling dates" are no fun 1
Author luvtoto Posted February 6, 2006 Author Posted February 6, 2006 ..."sibling dates" are no fun Speakin' from experience Alpha?
kitten chick Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 No guy is really THAT shy. Uh yeah, some guys are that shy. Nice shy guys usually take a while to open up but they're totally worth it. Once you're in they will treat you like you are the greatest person to walk the face of the earth. Give it time and be patient. Enjoy your time getting to know him and if something develops you won't be sorry that you stuck with him.
whichwayisup Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Try grabbing him and kissing him. See if it's still like hanging out with your brother. He could be shy and/or inexperienced. So, I say if you're curious, go for it! You're gonna have to make the first move.
jerbear Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Uh yeah, some guys are that shy. Nice shy guys usually take a while to open up but they're totally worth it. Once you're in they will treat you like you are the greatest person to walk the face of the earth. Give it time and be patient. Enjoy your time getting to know him and if something develops you won't be sorry that you stuck with him. I don't know about the wrapped arms, 4 lunch dates, and weekend date. Nah... I don't think he is that interested, then again it could be his team lost? He would be saying choice words instead of silent treatment.
Author luvtoto Posted February 6, 2006 Author Posted February 6, 2006 I'm beginning to think he is THAT shy. He & I went out on another lunch date today with another coworker. They talked shop...but, he kept brushing his knee against mine under the table on purpose. He's interested that's for sure. I kept daydreaming about dragging him under the table and...well, you know! I am impulsive & spontaneous, and I am not too hip on all this, so called, red tape I am needing to break through!!
silverbeamer Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Valentine's day is coming up... give him a cheesy card that says you have a crush on him... boys like cute things like that. I know, it's worked for me twice now.
Nur Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 but after being his coworker for 3 yrs at the office, it is just tooooo weird to switch it up and become lovers. Not necessarily! My boyfriend and I were friends for three years first. I was too dense to realize that he liked me, but he used to invite me to the movies (I always took my sister) and he asked me to prom (assuring it was as friends, but later he told me he was going to kiss me at the end -- if I hadn't run off first) and he'd rush down to the parking lot to see me at the end of the day every day for two years, but I never noticed, I just thought he was there coincidentally. He took a long time to be really direct about it. We were on a school trip, after I graduated, and he danced really close to me and put his arm on the small of my back to guide me, etc. I started sort of freaking out because I'd always thought he was cute, and now finally I realized he liked me in *that* way. I gave it a chance, and we've been together over seven months now. He's such an amazing person. I guess the moral of the story is to give it time. Personally I can't find myself attracted to guys who don't have the guts to make the first move, but sometimes they can take a long time to be obvious about it (although I can be sort of dense on the hint-taking). He was always too shy to do more than hint around -- it was actually not till I asked him bluntly, "How do you feel about me?" that he spilled it. So just wait. If the guy is showing interest in you, maybe he's just working up the courage to make a move.
alphamale Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 So just wait. If the guy is showing interest in you, maybe he's just working up the courage to make a move. Yeah NUR...and while Mr. Turtle takes his time "working up the courage" she'll run off, get married and have three kids
mrB2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 For me, I took way too long. But I honestly was inexperienced in the romance department....And maybe this is where I was mistaken, but I wanted to take things VERY slow so I could learn about my friend.... During each of our unofficial 'dates', I would learn a little bit more about her. I became attached to her intellectually, spirtually, and emotionally.....Yes, I realize that this sounds very, very odd. There were two reasons (albeit convoluted reasons) why I didn't make my move...1) I had enought 'respect' for her. I didn't want to come across as just a guy who wanted to jump in her pants. 2) I was just way too inexperienced. I was too shy. I was fearful that I would do it all wrong. If you do something, make sure it isn't brash....It might scare him to death....I'll tell you, when my friend gave me a neckrub in public, I was very nervous and terrified...I kept thinking "What do I do? What do I do?"..I was 'standing at attention' if you know what I mean...but I liked it. She 'upped the ante' and I was too chicken to respond. No wonder she thought that I was interested. But in reality, I wanted to sweep her off of her feet.... Go for his hand, and maybe he'll gather enough courage to hold your hand as well. (This guy sounds a lot like me....) MrB
Nur Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Yeah NUR...and while Mr. Turtle takes his time "working up the courage" she'll run off, get married and have three kids Well, ALPHA, I am not saying to give him thirty years. I meant more in the ballpark of a few weeks. If he's still too wimpy to make any moves on you at all (even holding your hand!) after you've gone on several dates, he'd better either get some guts or go bother someone else. Unless you like to be the really forward one in the relationship... I don't know, some girls do. But if I went on dates and the guy didn't even touch me or look at me in a sexy way or say anything remotely fliratious, I would assume he only wants a platonic relationship. Even when my (now) boyfriend did do some of those things, it took a while for me to catch on... imagine if he hadn't done anything at all. Maybe, after a few uneventful dates, ask him. Just say, "How do you feel about me?" You might be surprised at the answer -- maybe he'll have the courage to say in words what he is afraid to express.
Author luvtoto Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 I am getting some useful advice thanks everyone! But if I went on dates and the guy didn't even touch me or look at me in a sexy way or say anything remotely fliratious, I would assume he only wants a platonic relationship. I think I am just spoiled by my last BF. All he would have to do was look at me with his sexy blue eyes...and I just felt desired. I ain't gettin' nuttin' from this guy. No sexy look...no teasing...nuttin'. Well, today, he nudged my leg a couple times. It's hard to develop feelings for a guy that is so dry. The only thing keeping me holding on is that he IS a really nice guy...and you never know...he might just be a sexual dynamo in bed!!! I am just trying so hard not to lose interest in him I just don't feel wanted sexually. I am sure it's about the fact that he has so much respect for me. It's been since December that we started dating! Gosh! Where's the passion?! Should I give up on this guy or just plant a big one on him?
mrB2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 luvtoto: I implore you to make your move first. Believe me, it sounds like this guy is interested. He is just too shy and inexeperienced. I have been in those shoes before. And it is no fun for him either. Go for his hand....Yes, the guy is suppose to make the first move, but.... My situation from last summer is over. We still remain in contact. However, I think back at the many chances I had to make a move and it can make a person cry. This guy is probably thinking like that as well. Please, for the sake of inexperienced guys out there, go for his hand....He'll appreciate it. If that doesnt work, then move on. Like I said earlier, go for the hand. Don't make brash moves. It WILL freak him out--remember my incident with the neckrub! And yes, Alpha is right about taking too long. MrB
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