Ever embarrassed yourself contacting your ex?

[Raven1845]

Every 10 days or so, I'll contact my ex and embarrass myself proclaiming my undying love and how much I miss them, only to be left feeling embarrassed, ashamed, disappointed, humiliated, and stupid.

 

Please tell me I'm not alone.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Nope. You're not alone.

[Roarz]

Definately not man, it's just a stage you gotta go through, the bargaining stage. You think if you tell her such and such that it will make her come back. We've all been there. You'll get past it soon enough.

[AltplanB]

i was in that place for 2 months. You just gotta gain some strength and think about it before you find reasons to call. Think to yourself, is this gonna help me or hurt me? Because really, its just gonna hurt you. And if you have to ask yourself the question in the first place, and not know the answer immediately, your definately not ready. So just remember that. youll only hurt yourself.

 

I know its hard but im going through the same ****. Just count the days of NC. They will eventually call and you can ignore them or a change. But dont wait for this. If you do it will drive you insane. Wait instead for inner peace. I am still waiting for this but i know that the more i continue with NC, the better.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

They will eventually call and you can ignore them or a change.

 

Is this really the rule, or the exception. Because that's never happened to me.

[Candied-Heart]

If he/she left you, I would prefer to hold off calling them out of spite. That whole, he-doesn't-deserve-to-know-how-I-am-doing thought process.

[ That or he doesn't care anyway ]

 

Anyway, that's what I tell myself in those situations. It works.

 

Plus after a while, the thought alone that he may have someone new and she may be *gasp* there when I call and embarass myself is enough to make me busy myself with other more positive thoughts.

[Candied-Heart]

How was what I said a warranted reason to give me negative points?

 

Woe.

[Raven1845]

How was what I said a warranted reason to give me negative points?

 

Woe.

 

 

Hi Candied-Heart. I liked what you said, I didn't give you any negative points. I don't even know what they are or how to leave them.

 

?????????????????????????????????

[chocolate_boy]

Is this really the rule, or the exception. Because that's never happened to me.

 

I've had it happen with one ex, but not the rest, so I don't think it does. It's more likely to be guys that call than girls I think, as has been said, when a woman makes up her mind, she rarely changes it.

[Ariadne]

Raven,

 

I feel for you, I'm going through the very same thing myself.

 

I kept NC until his birthday where I felt it was "rude" not to wish him Happy Birthday. Well, I really hoped that he was missing me (one month since we stopped talking) and that he'd take the opportunity to say hi and start taking again.

 

Well, not a chance, he just said thanks and hope you have a nice day, something like that .

 

Then I really broke down, and once I had a few beers on I thought of doing the same thing you did and tell him how much I missed him, and if we could still see each other, yadda yadda...

 

Thank goodness I emailed a friend first who said, don't do anything till you talk to me . So I didn't, I talked to him and he brought me to my senses. He said that the guy just liked being loved and feeling attractive and didn't like confrontation (well, that was in my case anyway).

 

I realized that the only reason for me to write to him was to make him come back, and then I realized that if with all the desperate things I did during the relationship I couldn't win him over, less would that letter do.

 

So, now I'm glad I didn't, but I was this close. Most people do crazy things when in love so don't blame yourself. And I know it's awful to care so much for someone that doesn't give a darn about you .

 

Hope you are feeling better today, I'm hanging in there too,

 

Ariadne

[ChaseYng2005]

Well my problem is giving in when he contacts me. I was doing fine until he called yesterday. He didnt completely put me back at square 1, but I moved backwards a little.

[Raven1845]

Hope you are feeling better today, I'm hanging in there too,

 

Ariadne

 

Hi Ariadne. Thank you so much for sharing that you are going through this, too. I hope you hanging in there, and know that if you need to talk, please post more. We'll get through this together.

 

Thank you so much to everyone for assuring me that I'm not alone out there. The pain is bad enough without thinking that we're the only one feeling this way. It's good to know I'm not alone. I just wish that none of you had to experience any of this pain, either.

 

Hugs to you all,

Raven

[Ariadne]

Hello Raven,

 

It's good to know I'm not alone. I just wish that none of you had to experience any of this pain, either.

 

Well, the truth is that after this last time I've sworn off love out of my life. I've never done that before, since I was a hopeless romantic up until now...

 

The truth is that every single time I fell in love it's only brought me pain and sorrow. I dreamt of finding the proverbial soulmate, and was pretty sure this guy was it if I was ever close to that .

 

It turned out I was deluded (like all the other previous times), and that if I was happy at some point it was because I was living a fantasy that sooner or later crumbled.

 

So, I believe that it's not worth the pain anymore. I give up.

 

Maybe next life,

 

Ariadne

[Raven1845]

I believe that it's not worth the pain anymore. I give up.

 

Maybe next life,

 

Ariadne

 

Hello Ariadne.

 

I know I should say "don't give up!" I'm tending to agree with you, though. (smile).

 

I know I don't know you, but just from your caring and compassionate words on these forums, and the fact that you came into the forums in the first place, tells me that whether or not you've given up on love, it will somehow find its way to you again.

 

There are many kind, caring, compassionate, loving, trustworthy men in the world. The only problem is, they already have boyfriends.

 

But seriously, the right person is out there for both of us. But I'll be leary. I don't want to feel any more pain where love is concerned.

 

I talked to my ex on the phone today. (I know. I screwed up again). I miss him so much and I'm just finding it very difficult to accept that I mean nothing to him. I don't know how that's possible.

 

He just can't imagine why I'm so upset without him. (heartless snake). I love him. He doesn't deserve it. He asked me on the phone today in a sarcastic tone, "Are you in love with me?" I said, "no." Know what he said in a loud and clear voice? "RELIEF!" What kind of a jerk would say something like that? Really makes me feel stupid sitting here pining away for him.

 

I, too, am a hopeless romantic, so I know what you mean.

 

What I wouldn't give to be heartless and cold. What a wonderful existence that must be. To be totally narcissistic and never take responsibility for hurting anyone. To think anytime someone is hurt by me, it's their problem. Oh wait . . . that's my ex. (silly me).

 

Hang in there. I've been crying most of the day. I'm surprised there are any tears left in this body. I'm hoping they run out eventually.

 

Don't give up!

 

Big hugs,

Raven

[Ariadne]

Hello again,

 

Thank you so much for your kind words .

 

whether or not you've given up on love, it will somehow find its way to you again.

 

I doubt it. I was always searching for it. Going to places where I'd meet people, dating, chasing guys, going to the gym, doing everything. That's basically what I'm not going to do anymore.

 

If I were to meet someone now it'd have to be a miracle I suppose, since I'm not even planning to leave my house or even talk to guys.

 

I miss him so much and I'm just finding it very difficult to accept that I mean nothing to him. I don't know how that's possible.

 

I couldn't agree with you more. That's exactly what I feel. Mainly I'm mad about being so darn wrong. I would swear he was in love with me. The way he looked at me, grinning, the way he couldn't stop touching me, the way he kissed the back of my neck, the way he hugged me tight.

 

And it was nothing! It was crap. It was a fake. It was compassion. I don't know what the hell it was .

 

I'm so sorry about your phone conversation. You think that they'd get happy and take that chance to get near you (like I did with the Happy Birthday wish) and they just blow you off. It's terrible. Sigh.

 

Hugs back at you,

 

Ariadne

[Ariadne]

Btw,

 

I signed up at a dog shelter as a volunteer .

 

I have my orientation session this coming Saturday. Hopefully dogs will appreciate the love I have to give .

 

Ariadne

[AltplanB]

Look we have all embarassed ourselves trying to get them back. What we have to realize is when to give up, stand back up, brush ourselves off, and go start the process of forgetting them.

[chocolate_boy]

Hello again,

 

Thank you so much for your kind words .

 

whether or not you've given up on love, it will somehow find its way to you again.

 

I doubt it. I was always searching for it. Going to places where I'd meet people, dating, chasing guys, going to the gym, doing everything. That's basically what I'm not going to do anymore.

 

If I were to meet someone now it'd have to be a miracle I suppose, since I'm not even planning to leave my house or even talk to guys.

 

You know this is kind of true though, it does find its way to you when you least expect it. I had my longest bout of being single a couple of years back, I had gone through a messy break-up then I rebounded, and had enough and left the city, it then took me two years before I met anyone else I connected with, and yeah I did feel really lonely a lot of the time during those two years, however I met my next partner (now an ex too though) at the bar next to my apartment, went out for a friends birthday, was only intending on leaving the house for an hour, didn't get dressed nice or even have a shave lol. But we clicked that night and stayed together for 18 months or so,and I really did expect us to stay together for a long time, and maybe move in together etc. but out of the blue pretty much, she ended it.

 

But it can come along anytime. I've been single for approaching 5 months now, I do miss having a partner, and sadly due to not having a massive social group and living in a big city it is quite hard to meet people I like, so I will probably be single again for a long time. The break-up with my ex did upset me a lot, and lose a lot of my enthusiasm and desire for relationships, so in many ways I feel for now it's better to be on my own. I don't have a very exciting life now or particularly active one at the moment, I do spend a lot of time on my own (which so wasn't like me a year ago!), but its a lot to do with the time of year etc. So just enjoy a peaceful life, as I am, then when it all kicks off again you'll be nicely recharged, with no baggage from the past.

[Ariadne]

Hi Chocolate,

 

I met anyone else I connected with... at the bar... out of the blue pretty much, she ended it... The break-up with my ex did upset me a lot, and lose a lot of my enthusiasm

 

See, that's what I'm talking about.

 

When you find true love it's supposed to grow with time and not go bunkers like this one did.

 

Lucky those that find it, but it's just too rare I believe,

 

Ariadne

[AltplanB]

You have to remember how stress breaks you down into thinking about contacting your ex. If everything in life went well after the breakup, it would take a drastically shorter amount of time to get over them. But that is not the case. We have to remember that life is crappy, with no respect for the pain we are already going through. So when stress makes you start to think about your ex, remember that your stress and pain will change nothing. They will still not come back to you, and you will still just hurt yourself more by keeping contact with someone that has no intention of getting back together with you.

 

But on the otherhand you cannot let this pain resinate. A lot of people think that by taking up a new hobby, you can get your mind off your ex. For guys, i believe that lifting or some sort of aggression fulfillment is advisable. I know i am. For girls, i recommend exercise as well something that has always made you feel better, except binging..(heh) Do these plus hang out with your friends and limit the time alone, and you should be alright....and when i mean alright, you will struggle with life but you won't stoop to telling your ex about it.

 

We all still have feelings for our lost love, but we must recognize that that them not calling you is a message in itself. They dont want you back. Dont make them feel even better about it by showing them that you still want and possibly need them. Get your strength back. Believe in your body and mind and although it takes time, you will get back what you really most desire, not them but your own self respect.

 

peace

[Raven1845]

Btw,

 

I signed up at a dog shelter as a volunteer .

 

I have my orientation session this coming Saturday. Hopefully dogs will appreciate the love I have to give .

 

Ariadne

 

Hi Ariadne.

 

This is so wonderful! What is it Mark Twain said? Ah yes:

 

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."

 

 

Hugs,

Raven

[Ariadne]

Hello you again,

 

Yeah, I hope that doggie thing helps. I've joined meditation groups all over town too, and in those groups people invite you to other groups they know so I've been meeting some nice people there (all women though).

 

I also try and force myself to go to the gym or rollerskating, even if I don't feel like it, as someone suggested in some other post. After exhausting myself I feel much much better.

 

Did you read this book: "Letting Go"? That's also a good one and it gives a lot of examples of people going through the same things as us. Actually, some of the examples are even "worse" than us if you can believe that.

 

I read your other thread, and I think is a good thing you didn't go to the bar tonight where you could meet him. You are not thinking straight right now and most likely you were going to go and confront him and, God knows, you could have told him all kind of crazy stuff. When people are desperate they do things they regret.

 

Well, I'm off to my step aerobics now in half and hour, hey

 

Ariadne