justme00 Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Hi All, We have a 9 year old girl and have been on and off for the past 9 years basically with her dad. It has been on though for the last 4 years. (We are in our early 30's) So now that our daughter is older she is more involved with her dad and used to him. I was a single mom for the first 4 years basically and pretty happy with it being just her and I. Anyhow, we broke up a few weeks ago and he moved out. He has been seeing her once a week and calling a few times a week. It was going pretty good I thought....Tonight before bed (She was also VERY over tired) she started crying (we all spent the day together) saying how hard it is for her and how hard of a time she is having with us not being together. She misses us all doing things as a family and she says the house is different now that he is not here and that she knows of ways we can work it out and get along and can we give it one more try pleae.....I ended up holding her till she went to sleep. The reason we are not together is because we argue ALL the time over EVRERYTHING......The problems I have with him he is addicted to his computer game and plays till 3:00 AM and he is also a pot head and not a clean person (showers once a week usually) . There is also trust issues because he has cheated on me in the past and we can just never see eye to eye on ANYTHING....He also puts me down a lot and blames me for his problems........ I have been happier living with just her and I and I think he is happier also.....I want my daughter to be happier though...She is everything to me and I do everything for her...We have a great relationship.......I went on a date (it was an old crush from high school) the other night (she just thinks I went out with my Girlfriend) and had a great time but the next day I was all weirded out because I just didn't feel right..Like I was cheating on HER....I can't image ever bringing another man into her life....I can see me being single till she is 18. Unless I found a great single dad who had a girl her age that would be different for me....... My question and what I need opinions on is should I let my EX move back in? Should I sacrifice my happiness and be stressed all the time so she is happy? Like I got into earlier, I dont know I can be happy trying to date or having her unhappy because we are not together.....Help...........What should I do? p.s Sorry if I posted this twice, I wasn't sure which topic.
Curmudgeon Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Children learn what they live. The lessons your daughter is taught about your relationship with her father are the ones she'll take into her own, future relationships. If you and her father can't teach her, by example, the reality of love, respect, partnership, commonality, mutuality, ect., in a relationship, it's probably better for her for the two of you to stay apart.
TeaCooler Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 children can see this; they're not stupid. often they are secretly hoping you will get a divorce because they are tired of dealing with both of you and the fighting.
silverbeamer Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 If you are able to do whatever it takes to make you a happier person, in the end your daughter will be happier as well. While it may take a long period of adjustment it will ultimately prove the best for all involved if you stay away from an unhealthy relationship. If you aren't willing to make a move for yourself consider this... your daughter comes to you in 20 years and is in the same exact situation as you just explained. What would your advice for her be? Would you tell her to stick with a man who she wasn't meant to be with?
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