AltplanB Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 I find myself under a constant strain not to contact my ex. Its been over 3 months now and i still struggle everyday, especially if there is stress in my life. The littlest thing can really bring me down and i dont know how i can get back my confidence. I work out a lot but i am not seeing the results i want. Since the breakup i lost a lot of muscle weight that i have not been able to get back. I still struggle with everything but i am able to keep it to myself and put on a smile when someone i dont want to know about it comes along. Everyday i want to contact her. A past memory arises..another reason that would make it seem impossible for her to be not not wanting me anymore. But then the realization sets in. Its over. Shes not coming back. She is getting those same feelings for someone else and she wants you as a freind and not a lover. You may be depressed and lonely and needy and wanting nothing more than her back but its not gonna happen. Dont worry she knows and has accepted it. Shes accepted that friendship is not gonna happen and that not talking is the only way to go about things. Its really hard and i hope i can find someone that will spark my interest like her, if not now then definately later. I just have to be patient. So to all those out there that are heartbroken, even when you cant think of anything else but to call, remember that they made the decision and that it was not taken lightly. Im not professing letting go of love, just letting go of hope. Hope can drive you insane. I know, it has for 3 months. I let it and its destroyed many aspects of my life. You cant hope or wish or even think that it will work out for the best when they come back to you. Live off one continous thought if you have too: If there was one person, there can be another. Love strikes when you least expect it. If you are just yourself when it happens, it is all the more sweet.
riobikini Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 AltPlanB, I'm right there with you. We all struggle with the contact issue and deal with the left-over emotions in our own individual ways. Some of those ways we choose to deal with it are pretty f*cked up, like what I'm doing, I suppose, -but we all have a little dysfunction in our lives. Hey, -most of us, like you and I, already know it does get better because we've been there before, -but to some of these who are experiencing it for the first time, it's tougher, -more confusing- and they really, honestly think they're going to die from it. But it doesn't kill us, -instead, we survive it and find ourselves looking back on it, one day, wondering what the hell did it matter? But it matters now, -only in our present state of shattered mind and emotion, -and that's where it's at for anybody going through it. It's the minute-to-minute excruciating existance that we can't imagine will ever let us live peacefully, nor happily, again. It's an exercisie in just how much hell we can take, and how far we have to go to the edge of our rational minds before we plunge over into the 'other side'. We never do. It only feels like we might. It seems, we only just arrive there, teetering on the edge before we decide, -on the spur of the moment, that we're not going anyplace that dark until, -unless- we're damned good and ready -so what the hell- we decide to stay on this side of sanity, after all. It's where our roots are, where our families rely on us, and by God, where we belong. So, if no one reads this except for you and I, AltPlanB, it's a true shame, -but at least, we've shared a few thoughts here, -and sometimes, at just the right time, -that's enough. (Smile) Take Care, my friend. -Rio 1
Author AltplanB Posted February 6, 2006 Author Posted February 6, 2006 right on. You speak some very intellegent words. I dont know how old you are, but man i wish girls my age shared this wisdom.
riobikini Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 AltplanB, (Smile) Not too young, not too old, and still, always learning... I realize that my youth was never meant to be a 'forever' thing and I am lucky to have grasped enough of an even greater and amazing truth about aging and about love: that is, -it is possible to actually embrace the idea of growing old because, although it is born and regenerated within us, love is ageless and does not rely on the human organism in order to be, but rather, relies on something more important, - it's soul. (Smile, again) Take Care. -Rio P.S. Apology for the typos in my previous post. 1
scobro Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 I can relate to the weight loss.My wife ended our marriage six months ago and in the first couple of months on my own I couldn't eat and lost 15lbs.Now being in the fitness profession and bodybuilding this was hell, but after the initial trauma and pain of realising this is it it's over, I gained the weight back and now am back to where I was.I am literally today at the 6 month mark and have gotten over the days of feeling down all the time.It seems like a distant dream my marriage life and with no contact with my wife for the last 3 months its easier to let go and move on.I love the comment you made "if there was one person there will be another".Every relationship has an expiry date and we need to all realise this,whether someone leaves suddenly or dies or falls out of love every relationship will expire and if you don't base your whole self identity on someone else and expect them to make you happy and alive you will handle the expiry of the relationship as a gift that came into your life and it was good but now it's gone and that's the way it goes.Now it's easier said than done when strong feelings are attached and you don't want the expiry to happen but in the end all relationships will expire.
Author AltplanB Posted February 6, 2006 Author Posted February 6, 2006 Im glad that there is a brighter road ahead. I still struggle everyday with pestering thoughts but i also work out constantly to gain back that weight. I think its better to just focus on your own life and to forget about the whole experiance until you know you are ready. I have many down moments but i also have uppers. I know im attractive but i lost all of my confidence. I am getting it back slowly. We all are.
scobro Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 I was the same way I lost all confidence and couldn't even talk to women i felt so inadequate, but now it's totally changed I have been out on a few dates and know some women find me attractive, so it all takes time but it really is what you do with that time that is so important. I read a lot of books and got into learning about some spirituality teachings which was something I never had in my life, it has literally changed the way I think and it was an incredible transformation I made that I never would have looked into if I was still with my ex.So really lots of positive things have changed for me in six months.I will admit though at the time I thought my life was over when really now I think it's just beginning, its an incredible change that I am so glad happened because I know it is the best thing for me.
blind_otter Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 If you don't endure it now, it may haunt you for the rest of your life. "It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all."
Author AltplanB Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 Im glad that our stories can relate so much. I look forward to better road ahead. During the day i feel fine, only thinking about her during meals and during times when im daydreaming. At night its much worse though, sitting in my dorm room until 3 am when i just cant get over the lonelyness and the thought of her with someone else that she has become so involved with already. This new guy is nto a rebound, he is the new man...the one she wants to spend a good while with. I have no hope for reconciliation and i dont want to be her friend in the future. I do miss her extremely though, making this tougher then i would of hoped.
scobro Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Dude I have been right where you are and almost sick to my stomach knowing my wife was with someone else.Try not to put her on such a high pedastal.I was you 4-6 months ago and today I am dating someone who definately makes me forget about my ex it will happen to you just work on improving you it will make all the difference 3 months from now I promise 1
witabix Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 AltplanB, (Smile) Not too young, not too old, and still, always learning... I realize that my youth was never meant to be a 'forever' thing and I am lucky to have grasped enough of an even greater and amazing truth about aging and about love: that is, -it is possible to actually embrace the idea of growing old because, although it is born and regenerated within us, love is ageless and does not rely on the human organism in order to be, but rather, relies on something more important, - it's soul. (Smile, again) Take Care. -Rio P.S. Apology for the typos in my previous post. Lovely! So true, and Rio, if thats your pic you are doing an excellent job!!!
riobikini Posted February 8, 2006 Posted February 8, 2006 Yep, it's me, Witabix. Hope things are going well with you. Hugs to you. (Smile) -Rio
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