Alcohol and pain/grief - not a good combination

[LawGirl]

Sooo - what did you do this weekend?

 

I got really really really intoxicated on Friday night - in a short period of time.

 

I was having a very merry time. Hanging with my friends and dancing.

 

I deliberately left my cell phone at one friend's apartment - cause I just KNEW I would be tempted to text and/or call my 'ex' at some point in the evening (as I have done in the past).

 

One minute I was dancing and (it seemed) the next minute, I was sitting in the bar sobbing. With a friend's arms around me. And man did I sob. I didn't think there were so many tears in one person.

 

Thankfully, the friend's realized I wasn't going to be stopping the river that flowed from me and assisted me on walking back to the friend's apartment. They tucked me into bed - with a bucket for good measure.

 

I actually managed to drag my relatively unproductive a$$ to work - albiet 1/2 hour late. Made many apologies that day for my drunken behaviour. Everyone was quite sympathetic - even saying, "been there done that".

 

I think I really needed to get that (sobbing) out of my system. The reason for for my pain was the 'ex' called me during the week - just to see how I was doing. And then hasn't called since. Dam^ - it seems everytime I get feeling OK about him disappearing out of my life - he has to find some way to interject. I am doing NC - wish he would as well.

 

After work, I pretty much spent the rest of the evening sleeping.

 

And, I actually feel pretty good today.

 

Will be changing my MSN, email addy and sometime soonish, my cell phone number.

 

Time to move on.....

[riobikini]

Good girl.

 

(Smile)

 

Keep Posting.

 

Yours,

-Rio

[Raven1845]

Hello LawGirl.

 

I just wanted to say that I admire your attitude about moving on, and I wish you the best of luck. Just from reading your post, I can tell you'll be able to get passed this. You sound very strong-willed and determined.

 

Though I'm sorry you experienced it, I was a little relieved to see that someone else is tempted and has text messaged their ex during a night out. I, unfortunately, embarrassed myself last night by texting my ex . . . telling him of my undying love while out at a club. I had gone 9 days without contacting him, and though it hurt, I was proud of myself. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing it. Have you felt embarrassed by your past text messages to your ex? Have you done it more than once?

 

Wish I would have left my phone at home or with a friend, too.

 

Keep your chin up! Your on the right path.

 

Best wishes!

[LawGirl]

Hello LawGirl.

 

I just wanted to say that I admire your attitude about moving on, and I wish you the best of luck. Just from reading your post, I can tell you'll be able to get passed this. You sound very strong-willed and determined.

 

Though I'm sorry you experienced it, I was a little relieved to see that someone else is tempted and has text messaged their ex during a night out. I, unfortunately, embarrassed myself last night by texting my ex . . . telling him of my undying love while out at a club. I had gone 9 days without contacting him, and though it hurt, I was proud of myself. I'm so disappointed in myself for doing it. Have you felt embarrassed by your past text messages to your ex? Have you done it more than once?

 

Wish I would have left my phone at home or with a friend, too.

 

Keep your chin up! Your on the right path.

 

Best wishes!

 

Thanks - for the admiration. Unfortunately, I too have had more than one weak moment.

 

Have I texted more than once - sad to say yes!

 

Several times which is why I absolutely had to leave the cell. Embarrassed - definately. And the last text did also say "I love you". This to a fellow that didn't want to even say he was a boyfriend. And I even emailed him this sentiment as well. No response either time.

 

Why did I say it? -cause I wanted to force an answer. Either a response in kind, or an ending.

 

I was tired of feeling constantly confused by him.

 

One minute it was "we are not in a relationship" and "you act like you own me". The next conversation was about us moving in together, or about me moving with him to another town - wtf.

 

It was sh^t or get off the pot time - for me.

 

Well I got my answer. Or non-answer which ever way you want to look at it.

 

He called me mid-week and I answered the call. He got a new cell phone and I didn't recognize the number. Which is how I ended up speaking with him.

 

I asked him what he wanted. He said he didn't know. When I asked him why he called me, he said he wanted to see what I was up to.

 

I said that I thought he never wanted to speak with me again. He said "no, I never said that". I told him that silence says alot. Then he said, I'll call you later. Which he hasn't - just like he has done before.

 

The time prior, I caved. I got great hugs, kisses, (and yeah - sex complete with a sleepover), I'll see you later and then nothing.

 

To me the definition of a F^ck buddy is someone who does his job and then you pretty much go separate ways.

 

The actions of the 'ex' meant boyfriend to me. We hung out entire weekends. We went on dates together, grocery shopped together, sat at home watched movies. Basically just hung out - alot. But then the closer we got, the more the contact dwindled.

 

What I have learnt with reflection is that he is someone who gives both messages - fb & bf.

 

I think part of him wants to be in a relationship, but he also wants to be available should something better come along. And I think he is ambivalent when it comes to love. It is too much "hassle" for him. Once, when I was angry with him for not calling me when he said he would, he said "I told you, I don't need this ****".

 

My mistake was in only paying attention to the relationship vibes he was giving off and ignoring the part where he said "I don't want to be in a relationship". In a way I guess I didn't believe and/or ignored the words when the actions negated them.

 

I expect he will contact me again. I can make it difficult for him to reach me, but he still knows my home phone number, my direct line at work and where I work and live. So yeah, if he really wanted to reach me, he would know how. I just hope I can be as strong as you think I am here.

 

He is making it easier for me though. By not seeing him on a regular basis, my thinking has become clearer, like a drug leaving my system. And I am acknowledging the more negative aspects of his behaviour. I am recognizing that even if we were to get back together, he would likely continue doing this - pulling away when we got closer. And do I really want to live this way forever more? Absolutely not.

 

I know I have self-esteem issues. I also wonder if this man was my last chance at a relationship. I have concerns about my age and the limits of my options. I am also too 'nice' and accomodating. Thinking that if you give people a chance and they see how wonderful you are, they will come around.

 

I have alot of work to do here. I have to be OK alone - which basically I think I am. I have to learn how to set boundaries, as well as learn to say no this is not working out for me alot sooner.

 

This forum is a great resource to me. As well, I am reading some great books and hopefully with time, I can be strong. And move on.

 

And hopefully eventually, I can find someone who can love me the way I want someone to. I guess only time will tell......

[curly]

You know what's the saddest thing? That women (myself included) are so accomodating to men that treat us terribly. I can tell from your words that you are a strong and independent woman that simply loves someone that doesn't love them back. It's so hard to let go of love.

 

I am going through the same thing right now. No contact. My story is a bit more complicated.. (OW/MM) but he left his wife, just to leave me a month later.

 

Bottom line... I don't think he'll contact me again. It's been a real roller coaster and I don't think he has any emotion to give anyone right now. Regardless.... I've lost my best friend and a love that I've never known before. But I'm a strong and very independent woman. Why did this man take me down?

 

I think the answer is to get through the pain, realize that we are strong and some one good will realize that as well. I just need to make myself available for him.

 

Or know that I'd rather be alone than accept how he has treated me.

 

Good luck to you. hang in there. And Yes, change your #'s. Make it difficult to reach you. At least then you'll know he worked hard to find you.

[riobikini]

Something helpful (I hope) from Raven's thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81298/

 

-Rio

[LawGirl]

Something helpful (I hope) from Raven's thread.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81298/

 

-Rio

 

Definately - thanks.

[LawGirl]

You know what's the saddest thing? That women (myself included) are so accomodating to men that treat us terribly. I can tell from your words that you are a strong and independent woman that simply loves someone that doesn't love them back. It's so hard to let go of love.

 

I am going through the same thing right now. No contact. My story is a bit more complicated.. (OW/MM) but he left his wife, just to leave me a month later.

 

Bottom line... I don't think he'll contact me again. It's been a real roller coaster and I don't think he has any emotion to give anyone right now. Regardless.... I've lost my best friend and a love that I've never known before. But I'm a strong and very independent woman. Why did this man take me down?

 

I think the answer is to get through the pain, realize that we are strong and some one good will realize that as well. I just need to make myself available for him.

 

Or know that I'd rather be alone than accept how he has treated me.

 

Good luck to you. hang in there. And Yes, change your #'s. Make it difficult to reach you. At least then you'll know he worked hard to find you.

 

Thanks - re good luck Curly. Same right back at you.

 

I think, perhaps if I were you, I would chose the second option. Alone rather than being available.

[LawGirl]

Thanks - re good luck Curly. Same right back at you.

 

I think, perhaps if I were you, I would chose the second option. Alone rather than being available.

 

I reread the post - and Curly I get now that you meant you want to be available to someone new. And improved. (Not the MM - Ooops!).

 

And yeah - definately better to be alone than with someone who makes us feel inadequate, insufficient, and just plain not good enough.

[Raven1845]

LawGirl . . . I think we were dating the same guy!

 

Not really, but I cannot believe how similar our stories are.

 

The mixed messages, "he wants me, he wants me not." I think this makes it even harder, because nothing is definite with these guys. They don't want to break up, yet give all the signals that they do. IMO, this is MUCH harder than a "normal" break-up where the other person flat out ends it. I would have still been hurt, but would have so preferred it that way instead of the stringing me along. I ended up having to be the one to verbally end it, and it was/is so very difficult for me. I guess if he really wanted to be with me, he would have called and tried to stop me from ending it. I'd give anything to win his heart, and I don't know why.

 

(HUG)

[LawGirl]

Update: Changed my cell yesterday. And instead of making me feel better, I was really down today.

 

Guess even though I thought I was getting 'over' him, I still held out hope he would someday call me.

 

Didn't change my MSN, but haven't felt like being on there anyway.

 

Guess if he really wanted to get a hold of me he would. So I guess that means ... he doesn't. F^ck.

 

Not as strong as I thought.

[Raven1845]

Hey LawGirl.

 

I can totally understand how you're feeling about changing your number. I'm thinking about changing mine, but like you said, I have that hope that he'll call. (The more I think about it, I don't know why . . . my ex is a real jerk).

 

I just had some jerk post a reply to one of my threads. It's not very nice. Take a look:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81458/

 

I replied.

 

Some days are better. Some days are worse. Hang in there. You're not alone.

 

Hugs,

Raven

[fooled]

I'm totally exhausted now and I want to call her - but I know she's spending the night with someone.

[Raven1845]

I'm totally exhausted now and I want to call her - but I know she's spending the night with someone.

 

OUCH! I know how you're feeling. Wish I had something better to say.

 

(((HUG)))

[Jools]

Lawgirl - The same thing pretty much happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I got home from work on a friday and was due to go out with a mate and my new housemate, when i was getting changed i took a call from her. It wasn't a good one and i went downstairs and started having a few drinks with the other two before heading into town. The were taking it easy but i must've had about 5 double vodka red bulls in a very short period, we then went into town and i carried on. I got totally wasted and at one point i had another call and i ended up sat in the pub car park a total wreck! My mate said that although i had been bad before, that night he really had no clue what to do or say to me.

 

And Fooled, i know exactly how you feel, the girl in my life goes away to her boyfriends every weekend from friday to sunday so i'm at my lowest at the time when i should be having fun away from work. She's really screwed me up coz for the first time in my life, i actually look forward to the weekends ending and the working week starting again!!

[LawGirl]

Hey LawGirl.

 

I can totally understand how you're feeling about changing your number. I'm thinking about changing mine, but like you said, I have that hope that he'll call. (The more I think about it, I don't know why . . . my ex is a real jerk).

 

I just had some jerk post a reply to one of my threads. It's not very nice. Take a look:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81458/

 

I replied.

 

Some days are better. Some days are worse. Hang in there. You're not alone.

 

Hugs,

Raven

 

Thanks all for the replies - it does feel somewhat better to know I am not alone. But it really sucks that there are soo many of us.

 

Sorta numb this weekend. Feel like I am just putting one foot in front of the other.

 

Watched two movies - Upside of Anger and

 

"Must Like Dogs." That one was hilarious. Of course there was a happy holiday ending.

 

Made me think two things:

 

1. Why wasn't I good enough?

2. And that I want something REAL.

[fooled]

Made me think two things:

 

1. Why wasn't I good enough?

2. And that I want something REAL.

 

1. You were and are.

2. Maybe he's not capable of living outside a fantasy world.

[LawGirl]

1. You were and are.

2. Maybe he's not capable of living outside a fantasy world.

 

re: 1 -

2 - and that is why I want something real. There are way too many 'games' being played out there.

 

That fact alone makes me soo reluctant at the thought of attempting another relationship

 

I despair at the thought of making my heart vulnerable again. There are so many unsuccessful stories here and elsewhere, maybe it would be better to be alone....

[Jools]

lawgirl - I dont think you should give up on love and giving your heart to someone, theres someone out there who deserves you and who will love you equally in return. however its important for you to mend your heart first from your current situation. then you will be better placed to find someone who is right for you and who will treat you well, will put you first and will make you happy.

 

I wish you all the best and my thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

 

keep smiling