"let's stop having sex and see what it's like" seems like a break up?

[clynn]

Looks like we're on our way out.

 

I'm so sad and hope I'm wrong!

 

It had seemed apparent that there was distance that he was putting between us. So by the time we saw each other yesterday it was obvious one or the other of us would mention it and it did indeed just come up, it was the elephant in the room.

 

Basically it started because, at the end of the night, he wanted to not sleep overnight together, which is farily standard for how we conclude our dates, and often enjoy a morning together following. sniff, sniff.

 

He said that he wants to keep things just as they are pretty much but to try cutting out the physical stuff and see what happens.

 

Indeed he confirmed that he had been keeping himself busy with all sorts of new activities. He said that he was making a choice in a way to distance himself to see how it felt and he said that he felt that okay with the space, and this was a bit of a test for himself to see how vested in the relationship he was as he is uncertain if he could see it developing into something more serious. He said he was getting a lot of questions and pressure from his family to move the relationship along .... and this made him think he better know what he wants.

 

SO, definitely not how I wanted this to be. I'm very sad of course. I didn't cry with him at all. Somehow as I get older, I don't take these things as hard - or at least I'm not as outwardly emotional.

 

He very much wants to still spend time together and going out and talking, etc. For now he just wants the physical to stop. I told him I couldn't really comment on how I would feel until a bit of time had past as right now I just feel sad. I offered to run inside and grab stuff that belonged to him. He said, "no, no, we're definitely going to be seeing each other."

 

As foolish as I know this sounds, I still have hope that things may change. But at least I know I"m foolish and that hope just comes from a place that, until very recently, believed we were developing closer and closer all the time.

[Fester Lungblood]

Yep. It's over. Unless he's in a mood and is just playing you.

[clynn]

Well, that's one helluva mood if it is. And I am pretty certain it is not just a mood.

 

How come he wouldn't just come right out and break up with me?

[Fester Lungblood]

We can't know what it is in his mind that has him in such a state that he feels complelled to withdraw and not permit himself to discuss it with you. People are weird, that's all.

[SoleMate]

One possibility is that he is interested in or pursuing some other woman, and he doesn't feel right sleeping with you at the same time. And yet, he does enjoy either your company, or the security of knowing that he's keeping his hand in with you so he can fire things up if the other deal does not work out as planned.

 

Usually, a man does not call a halt to a satisfying sexual relationship without a REAL reason. As in, not just a vague idea, but a REASON with arms and legs...

[salmagundi]

you know...I really hate to say this, but...as a guy...the only way I would stop having sex with one person was if I was going to start having sex with someone else. Seriously. But thats just me. In any case, I'm not convinced that his withdrawal is just a matter of his needing to sort out his feelings for you. There almost has to be more to it. I guess I worry that he doesnt want to break up with you, as such...sounds like he still wants you attached to him...he just wants to be less attached to you. So I just wonder if he is exploring another 'option' and leaving you on the backburner until he sees if it will pan out. At which point he'll drop the bomb on you.

 

But honnestly, I'm only speculating. WHat do I know? But you know what? Two weeks before me and my ex split, I got cut off. It was like you...we would hang out but at the end of the night she would be like "yeah, I think i wanna just sleep alone tonight..." And? She was hanging around another guy but still keeping me on the line while she figured out what was gonna happen. Two weeks later we broke up. So maybe just watch out for yourself.

 

salmagundi

[clynn]

Thanks folks (or not!!!)

 

This are my instincts and what I fear will happen.

 

Yick.

[clynn]

We've been talking since then but that's all. He seems to be pretty upfront about all of his plans and giving me a play by play of what he is doing.

 

Yesterday when he called me up I wasn't home adn didn't get home until later in the evening. He was nervous, I could tell, by the time I phoned him back. (Although we aren't on top of each other all the time.....It isn't usual for either of us to not phone be aware of other's activities...and hence to not return phone calls fairly promptly).

 

After stressing about the whole thing for a couple of days, I actually felt kind of weary and although he was very interested in talking, I simply wasn't all there.

 

He then laid out exactly what and with whom and how he plans on spending his upcoming days (his buddies) - I'll be cramming for my upcoming exam for the next week and a bit.

 

Then he emailed me first thing this morning to give me an update on something we talked about.

 

Geeesh.

[SuperMonk]

the dude is not into you anymore (or not in love with you) and wants to date another woman.

[UnderWorld]

mmmmm thats what my bf was doing w/o even telling me he wants to how weird...its annoying and im thinkin hes gay hahha!!!!

[UnderWorld]

oh **** now im scared hes sleeping or talken to someone else cuz my bf is w. drawling physically its bugging me ah!

[Shattered Heart]

So I just wonder if he is exploring another 'option' and leaving you on the backburner until he sees if it will pan out. At which point he'll drop the bomb on you.

 

That reminds me of tonight's episode of "Two and a Half Men" when Charlie's girlfriend thought he was using his former girlfriend as a lifeboat in case their new relation"ship" sank.

 

Well, if this is what your boyfriend is doing, you and I will be in the same boat, since my girlfriend of over a year apparently always had her own "lifeboat" in place, if we were to ever break up. Well, she did break up with me, and now she's riding her lifeboat (in more ways than one). I think that hurts more than if she had cheated on me, since cheating is usually with some random person. But her knowing all along she had someone to fall back on in the event of our breakup, only makes it feel like she used me throughout our whole relationship. As if it was some big joke to her. I feel like a puppet where all she ever did was pull at my strings. Believe me, I would much rather be the lifeboat.

[clynn]

Yah, I don't know really.

 

Last night he came over and we hung out for a little bit. I gave him some stuff of his.

 

It just didn't really feel very right. It is hard for me to know anything anyhow cuz I'm studying for this big exam and truth be told I can't concentrate on much other than that.

 

I'll know better after the next couple of weeks but I don't think he is using me for a life boat.

 

I think he is just making a slow exit. Probably for two reasons 1) to be nice to me - after all there are no hard feelings, he just doesn't want to be with me AND 2) just to be certain he is doing the right thing.

 

But he came back for a visit and it felt like he fast forwarded the whole thing so he could leave fairly quick.

 

So there you go. I'm really sad about it.