Lora78 Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I drive myself insane preoccupying my mind thinking about my partner with his exs. He has bought houses with them, been engaged, had a child, been loads of places and I have not done any of that with him. He says he didnt know what love was until he met me. There is an age difference as he is older than me and that would explain him having more life experience but I just can't get my head round it all and it is driving us both insane. Am I being unreasonably jealous or am I justified in feeling that I will never match up to these woman and will always be second best. He did say to me early on in our relationship that in hindsight one of his exs was the one was he should have been with. Its no wonder I feel the way I do. He also continued to text romantic/sexual texts to his last ex while we were together. He said he was trying to keep her sweet so she would not stop him seeing his little girl. Please help.
flowergirl Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 Hey, girl. Sometimes us women get jealous of our SO's past because we're competitive, and that's our instinct. However, it seems that in this situation, your man is giving you valid reason to feel insecure, and you really need to just be straightforward with him about how what he's said makes you feel. If it doesn't change, then roll out. All of us women deserve to be with someone who wants only us, and doesn't have one foot in the past. Good luck. 1
TeaCooler Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 Hey, girl. Sometimes us women get jealous of our SO's past because we're competitive, and that's our instinct. i do agree...but what are you actually competing with when it's just memories? people need to get used to the idea that you can't expect the man of your dreams to be waiting for you. you have done things, he has done things, and if either of you were happy with your former situations, you would still be in that situation...not with each other. you can't erase people's memories, you can't erase their experiences. the best thing you can do is stop being so focused on his past, and be the best, most fun, most loving person you can be so he doesn't even want to think of his past either, since he's finally found what he's looking for in you. good luck. 1
Curmudgeon Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 I can understand, to a degree, why you'd be challenged by your husband's past and he hasn't helped in that regard by what he's said and some of what he's done, no matter what the reason is. All that aside, we all have histories and baggage we bring into relationships. My wife and I had 98 collective years of it when we married. Holding resentments about someone's past is patently unfair and somewhat cruel. There's not a thing they can do to change it. I think your energy should be focused on what is and what's to come, not on what was. After all, you're the one he's with now! There must be a good reason for that.
Raiatea Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 What??? He said that he should have been with one of his exes when he was with you??? That is an insensitive thing to say at the start of a relationship. My ex told me that his ex wife was his soulmate, the most beautiful woman in the world, the one woman he could talk to about anything, the one person in the world he could trust. We hadn't been together long either (and she was a model.....talk about making a girl feel inadequate). As you can imagine, the relationship didn't work out (I believe I told him to shove his obsessed head up his arse. Admittedly, not a practical suggestion but it made me feel better). I'm not saying that yours won't, after all he is with you now and not anyone from his past. Everyone has a past, unless you date a 16 year old virgin with no social life. Its just a case of getting things out into the open and not dwelling on the things that have happened. Think of what good you can have in your future, not what he did in his past. Think only of what can come, not what can't be changed.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 He did say to me early on in our relationship that in hindsight one of his exs was the one was he should have been with. That seems to contradict him saying you were the one that made him realize what love is. My boyfriend is also older than I am, and I hate to think of him with his exes. But one of them wanted to meet me (the one he is on best terms with and talked about the most), and after meeting her I felt so much better. Maybe that would work for you too, if your bf is still on good tersm with any fo his exes?
shell1162 Posted March 1, 2006 Posted March 1, 2006 hi, i can totally understand where u are coming from, to be honest i would have left the relationship as soon as he said that about his x, but thats my choice. Its difficult trying to get ur head round xs and there past situations, im having the same troubles and ive been with my b/f for 2 years and have a child with him. ur b/f has contridicted himself by saying about loving u then about his x, men are confusing. I would not meet any of his xs it makes things so much worse if i had my way i would never have to see my b/f x but as i have to for the sake of the child i do as she is the most important person in it. Days when i think im a crazy mad women thinking about crazy things my otherhalf did before me, the more u think the more u hate what u start to imagine, most of it is made up things which u start to believe was true. I know the feeling of thinking ur second best its not the greatest of feelings in the world, the more u try to work things out in ur head the more irrational u get, its a visious circle. keep smiling
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