bigbrowneyes Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 So here is yet another post from someone questioning why they broke no contact! I am so angry with myself right now. It’s been almost 3 months since I’ve actually talked to my x, and exactly 8 weeks since he’s contacted me last. At 4:00 p.m. yesterday as I am getting ready to leave from work, I see an email from him with "You don’t need to respond" in the subject line. I know I shouldn’t read it but of course I do. Email says Hey, hope you are well. I make a point not to contact you for reasons we both understand. I truly miss you and wish you the best life has to offer. Just wanted to let you know I cancelled the insurance on your ring so you may want to get it covered. I also canceled the BJ’s membership so it would be good if you can get your own. Life is good for me. Then he signs it using a nickname that I’ve never called him. For some reason this email made me break down and sob. I guess it doesn't help that I found out from someone around xmas that he already has a new girlfriend and is crazy in love with her (volunteered info that I never solicitate..don't want to know). They are getting a house together so why email me? It doesn't help to know that the girl is like 14 years younger and positively beautiful. It just confirms that he must have never loved me to be so heavily involved with someone after a couple of months. I mean, I miss him so much that dating is even too hard for me so how can he be so happy so soon? So anyway, in my fragile state of mind I did exactly what I read on here not to do…call. I leave him a message and say that I’m glad life is good for him but I’m not the least bit interested in knowing about how wonderful his life is after he destroyed mine. I’m trying to find happiness in my life just like him but one thing I have experienced since I broke up with him is inner peace. Please don’t contact me anymore, as you won’t be able to at that email soon anyway. I tell him that it’s unfortunate that he canceled the insurance on the ring as I put the ring in his pants pocket the last time he was at my house and I am no longer the owner. I tell him that I understand that he still has the business BJ’s membership but took my name off to add his new girlfriend on ( I found out last week he did this after I shopped for an hour and I had to go to member services…I kept the business membership card oribinally since I paid for it!) and i know it was not cancelled as the lie in his email claims and I think he’s a real creep for not just getting his own membership. Then I ramble on about how I don’t need constant reminders about how wonderful his life is. Isn’t enough that he’s caused me so much pain already. I ask him what’s it going to take for him to stop getting some sick gratification to know how much he’s hurt and destroyed me. Now I am pissed at myself. Why couldn’t I do what everyone here says NOT to do???? I read this list serve everyday as a constant reminder to stay NC and what do I do? Call and give this man confirmation that I still love him and I am miserable withot him. Mission accomplished for him. Anyway, I can’t thank everyone on here enough for all their words of encouragement to others because reading it each morning gives me the strength to walk trough another day. I beg of anyone who is thinking of breaking NC…. don’t do it!! I can promise you that the repercussions are exactly what everyone claims it will be....terrible! I feel miserable and quite honestly, life just seems hopeless to me anymore. Maybe I'll just go back to bed and pray God lets me sleep forever. Why does this have to be so hard.
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I ask him what’s it going to take for him to stop getting some sick gratification to know how much he’s hurt and destroyed me. BBE.. Your hurting.. you did nothing wrong and personally I think the part I quoted should show him how much you want him out of your life.. Go back to NC.. and continue the healing..
Author bigbrowneyes Posted February 6, 2006 Author Posted February 6, 2006 Thanks for reminding me that I wanted him out of my life AC. Today's a better day. The support and advice from LS helps so much. So, I'm on day 3 of NC....again! Yeah for me!
In Sync Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 bigbrowneyes Sometimes I wish I had the power to wipe away people's hurt and pain..I can only send you a bunny hug (((((((((())))))))))))))))). You did nothing wrong..so please don't beat yourself up over anything. We are all human! You defended your honour in frnot of someone who chose to hurt you. What's wrong with that? You WILL heal and we WILL be here for you.
scobro Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Then he signs it using a nickname that I’ve never called him. oh man that is harsh,what's up with that?
fallenheart45 Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 In Sync...you got all the wirte comfort!
jerbear Posted February 6, 2006 Posted February 6, 2006 Thanks for reminding me that I wanted him out of my life AC. Today's a better day. The support and advice from LS helps so much. So, I'm on day 3 of NC....again! Yeah for me! Great job on day 3 of NC
Author bigbrowneyes Posted February 7, 2006 Author Posted February 7, 2006 Thanks for the hugs In Sync. Your words help me forgive what I did and recognize that I'm only human and that I have the ability to get back on track. I managed to get through another day...thanks to everyone on here. The advice given on here is very inspiring. It is so generous for everyone to share their life experiences to help others. When I read some of the post on here I can't help but think what a fool our X's are. We're a pretty special group of people and someone is going to be very lucky to have us in their life. Thanks all.
CaliGuy Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Off topic here, but I guess I'm going to have to put up a pic of my chest to keep up with scobro and fallenheart. Just kidding, I'm not quite that big (yet!)
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 7, 2006 Posted February 7, 2006 Thanks for the hugs In Sync. Your words help me forgive what I did and recognize that I'm only human and that I have the ability to get back on track. I managed to get through another day...thanks to everyone on here. The advice given on here is very inspiring. It is so generous for everyone to share their life experiences to help others. When I read some of the post on here I can't help but think what a fool our X's are. We're a pretty special group of people and someone is going to be very lucky to have us in their life. Thanks all. I could'nt have said it better myself
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