That grey feeling

[AltplanB]

Its weird to be in that area where your emotions and your brain find a equalibrium in which neither seems to be able to overcome the other. I really want to contact my ex, because i miss her so much, but my head then tells me that nothing good will come of it and i will only feel worse later. But on the other hand, i try and move on only having every meal affected by thoughts of her and every moment alone ruined with little pestering memories that she and i both shared. I loved her but its over. What seems to be a healing period feels more like a time of torture with my inner being confused as to what i want in life and in love.

[WeaknPowerless]

I lost the greatest thing to ever walk into my life. I try and be strong, but I'm like every cliche story or song ever told. This toll on my body, its breaking me. This girl, she consumes me. I emotionally built her into my life. I HATE how I have a life, but don't. My finacial/career/independance was always there. I gave myself. I leant my experience. I shared my wisdom. I gave uncomprimised love...I've been beat down. Worked like a prize fighter out of retirement. I gave my heart, my soul. **** it. I'm tired of giving.

[coasting]

Hey Guys,

Trust me take it from a woman, it happens on both sides, and the pain we are feeling is incredible and sometimes unbearable, but you need to follow your heart and gut instincts.

If you contact them it will just be shear torture all over again. If she wants to talk to you or have anything at this point let her do the calling.

I know the feelings of the lonely meals and the thoughts that just stagger through your head, but you really are stronger then you think.

This is one valualbe lesson I have learned over the past eleven weeks. It really sucked having to learn the way I did but I am truly grateful that Ihave learned it.

Keep your chin up!

[AltplanB]

Thanks. I understand that it is important to just march through this experiance. I also know that she is not pining over me and that all the lack of communication just further proves that she does not want me in her life. I miss her greatly but my feelings are not mutual with hers. Right now i have no hope of gettin back with her but i still hurt myself by wishing. Moving on from someone you thought you could spend the rest of your life with is hard but i guess we all have to do it once in our life so that we can get stronger from it. I have made some new freinds but im still not happy and i hate being alone, both relationship wise and in my everyday dealings. I feel that everything is summed up in one sentence when it comes to my No Contact: There is so much i should not try and tell her.

[coasting]

Well I don't know that I would call it marching through as I really think it is treading through it.

Again I understand the feelings about not being mutual. I am there myself. In all honesty I want my ex back more then words could ever say, but Iknow in reality if i were to take him back he would just do it again, it would just be a matter of time. And I know I could never come home to a note on the table again....It would really kill me.

I will always love him, but trust is a whole different story. I know I go out with my friends and try to stay busy but my thoughts always do go back to him. ILike I said I know I need to be strong and stand up for myself and really protect my heart.

He keeps putting up a message that reads, "the winds of change are always blowing and every time I try to stay, the winds of change continue blowing and they carry me away." I know ther is a hidden message in there but I can not figure it out.

This is just a nother point for you to realize that they do learn that grass is not greener on the other side, but you need to be the stronger one.

Again Keep your chin up!

[AltplanB]

I may be in a real desperate and lonely place right now but i feel that its something worth going through. Something to look back on and say, "i learned a lot about myself and relationships from her." And i did, i really did. I realized that they dont last...and that you have to respect the others decision as something that you cannot change. If they wanted you, you wouldn't have to question that feeling. I know, ive been on the other end. Ive been in the exact same position with no intention of ever getting back together with her. I just have never been in love with anyone before and that takes a long time for me to gain, and let go. Took me about 7 months to fall in love. Even then, i didn't really realize it. I just thought that i really enjoyed her company and that i would do anything to protect her. It wasn't until i realized later that this was what love really felt like.

 

After we broke up and she was with someone new, i broke down and went to see her. That was like 2 months ago so dont worry no one needs to tell me how bad of an idea that was. Anyways she told me that she thought she was in love with me, but no she didn't know. To this day, i don't know if it was the begging and pleading that lead her to question if she really did in the first place or if it really was infatuation that was blinding her. Her infatuation with me was that i was a geniune nice guy. I would always try to please her and i would always do everything i could to make her happy. If i didn't, it was not my intention and she knew that. I would always try to make up for it. But she must of realized something around the time she dumped me. She can find these types in other places. She figured out i wasn't "the one" because i had something about me that didn't mesh with her. She saw me as a great guy with no serious flaws and maybe that was the problem. Some things that really bothered her was that i really had no direction with my life. I just worked out a lot and get checks dumped into my account from my parents. I go to school, but im not really into it.

But these are not serious problems, just unnattractive characteristics that i dont really see as being something that would end a relationship. One of the things that really bothered her was that she had so many problems and that i was always trying to help her and cox her and make her feel better by going out of my way time and time again. This made her feel guilty because of her bulimia, her fathers death, and her crying fits over daily negative problems. She didn't like that i would get fustrated when things didnt get solved. She would feel that i needed someone more normal. This is not to say that there weren't other reasons.

She turned 21 and was able to go out and be around my friends who are very attractive and just like me in every way. Infact she started seeing one of them 3 weeks after me. She got bored with how nice and pleasing i was...How i wouldn't take charge but just do her beckoning. She was just like me and didn't want to impose. If she didn't want to go to a certain restaraunt, it was no problem to me. I would cook her dinner and make it without anything that she wouldn't eat because of her funky eating. I would give her hour long full body massages because she is a very touchy feely person and i loved her soft skin. Well anyways, back to present day. I really miss her and i still love her and such but its over and shes with another guy. Shes happy, but sad about how she treated me. She doesn't know why it was so sudden but she was certain. Plain and simple, "I want to be freinds with you, i just dont want a romantic relationship with you."

Well i told her i couldn't do that. She cried but she has only contacted me once to test the waters and i didn't respond to the simple, "how are you doing?" message as i know it will just bring up old pain. Not to say that im not in a lot of pain still.

What gets me toasted is the fact that i have let this girl affect me so much without her wanting to hurt me in any way. She just fell out of love with me and thats that. She knows we are young and will find others, but she is looking much harder then i care to know about. Its like she replaced me, and is always on the prowl. I wouldn't call her a slut, but i would say that she lets her infatuation and her feelings, run her decisions. She almost slept with me the second time we went out and at the last second said she didn't want to seem like a slut so she said she would gimmi head. I turned her down saying i wasn't ther for sex but for her. Kinda my way of saying that i really into her and not her body.

 

So many dreams as of yet not forefilled, so many memories with happiness, ending in sadness. I miss her everyday, very much so at night. I obsess...something not healthy for a 21 year old model. Thats right, im a male 6'5" model. go ahead make jokes. Guess thats why i didn't expect to get dumped, I thought she loved my personality as well as my looks, although she did say she wouldn't care if i was fat or ugly, because love is more than that. Its bull**** i think because initial attraction starts with looks.

 

Well anyways i dont know how many of you decided to stick with me through this rant at 2 am but its what im feeling right now after watching Rudy.

[ThatOneGuy]

I’m going to relate to you what has been told by me for my entire life.

 

Stuff happens. It will always happen. You cannot stop it from happening. You must accept the stuff that happens, and move on with your life.

 

I know that you loved her deeply, and you gave your mind/body/soul to her, but obviously it didn’t work out. And the worst part of it? You probably didn’t do anything wrong, except “Love too much”.

 

Anyway, I know your hurting, but we’ve all been there. Love is a fickle thing, filled with strife and beauty. But, when you find that special someone that you can fully love and that love is returned tenfold, life is everlasting.

 

Erm, I’m sorry. I tend to get all philosophical when I think of all the memories of past summers, and wondering what’s next in the chapters of my life.

 

But, yeah. Love is good sometimes, love is bad sometimes, love is really really good sometimes, love is really really bad sometimes….

 

Your just in a phase that only time will heal. My recommendation? Find a hobby and indulge yourself in it to the point of sheer dedication.

[riobikini]

AltplanB,

 

Here's a link for you that might help.

 

-Rio

 

 

Breaking Away

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=700467#post700467

[In Sync]

AltPlanB, I did read throud your post and for me, despite the emotional upheaval this breakup has put you through, I sense growth within you. You've clearly described the dynamics of your relationship you had with your ex. Just doing that alone allows you some distance to reflect on the relationship you actually had with this person. You begin to see where you lost 'yourself' to this person.

I'm curious, I've asked this to question to another member and I'm curious to hear your response... knowing what you do, if your ex, came to you still wanting to keep contact... could you do it? Would you? Or has your perception and seeing the truth about your relationship been altered? Are you obsessing over the fantasy you harbour about her or do you see her as she really is in your life and love her despite her not being this ideal image you built up of her?

[AltplanB]

no i love her because of who she is. She may have problems but she does not blame anyone for them and she does not want it to affect anyone but her self. She is very self less. I love her and that is why i cannot contact her and i must take the time to let her go.

 

Shes looking hard for someone else and im sure shes found someone by now. She was starting up a relationship as i stopped contacting her. I had many wishes when it came to her, but one was for her to give me a second chance. One she did not give and did not plan on giving. reason? because i wasn't the one, and instead of working on it and seeing whether things could be like they were at other times in the relationship, she choose to see what else was out there. And because she has been in so many relationships, she knows the best thing to do is to not look back and move on. So thats what she did. She grieved for three weeks until another guy approached her. Then she was his. When he dumped her, she went out with anyone asked instead of taking me back. Now shes with someone else. It boggles the mind but in another light it is simple. She doesn't love me anymore, and because of that, she wants to find that feeling again. Why not me? As the book says, She just wasn't that into me.

[In Sync]

AltPlan,

It's rather honest your ex's view in the relationship. I'm sorry for your loss, but she is honest here. I actually touched on this idea in an earlier thread, about there is on 2 ways a relationship can go. You either stay with a person (the "one") forever or you accept that the relationship you are in will come to an end. Your ex gf, is rather honest viewpoint. Why stay in something that you feel is not going to last forever, especially if one admits they are not in love with the other person. The longer one clings to broken relationship that brings hurt and pain for both parties. Naturally the one being left doesn't want to separate but at this point I want to ask you another question, was she the one you could honestly say you could see "growing old together", her being your soulmate for life? Did you ever ask yourself where do I see myself in the future with her?

[AltplanB]

never actually asked myself that but yea i started thinking about plans. We would talk about where we would like to live, what kind of house. We loved having arguements about what were good names for kids. It was really awesome. But its over now.

 

Tangent:

Something I really feel strongly about is that guys like me are everywhere and nowhere. You dont need to look for us, you just have to be really nice to us, then we actually have the confidence to ask you out. You know why girls are with a**h***s? Because they have the gaul to ask out pretty girls and not give a **** if they get turned down. Nice guys like to build the feeling that this girl will not turn them down and that they really have a shot with them. I know because i am one of those guys. Something i need to start doing is to just ask out random girls. Once you have experienced heartbreak, getting turned down really isn't that bad...You just have to know that another one is out there waiting.

[In Sync]

never actually asked myself that but yea i started thinking about plans. We would talk about where we would like to live, what kind of house. We loved having arguements about what were good names for kids. It was really awesome. But its over now.

 

Tangent:

Something I really feel strongly about is that guys like me are everywhere and nowhere. You dont need to look for us, you just have to be really nice to us, then we actually have the confidence to ask you out. You know why girls are with a**h***s? Because they have the gaul to ask out pretty girls and not give a **** if they get turned down. Nice guys like to build the feeling that this girl will not turn them down and that they really have a shot with them. I know because i am one of those guys. Something i need to start doing is to just ask out random girls. Once you have experienced heartbreak, getting turned down really isn't that bad...You just have to know that another one is out there waiting.

 

 

:laugh: We all get burnt! Men women, no one is an exception to the rule..in fact I'm pretty sure that arse hole of an X, I was torn up about at some point in his pathetic life must have been burnt by someone. And I in turn got burnt by him. Look, when we fall in love, we project all our dreams and aspirations onto that person. AND we let our guard down..that's what being in love does. We don't pay attention to red flags, we don't say wow is this person someone I really see myself with, all we know is that it feels good...and if that good comes with some bad moments we will still overlook the bad moments because we keep projecting our dreams on top of more dreams onto the person who we want to love us back. At any cost. In response to your tangent: girls don't seek out guys who will hurt them, but they do tend to like someone who seems confident and assured of himself. To others that confidence can appear to be just cocky and arrogant. I do think you should take more chances to asking out someone even in the face of rejection...Rejection only teaches you to build your confidence more.

[AltplanB]

that is true but rejection is taken differently by people. Some people say...oh well thers always another. But some people look only are attracted to a very select type of person and rejection from them can spell a very bad inner reflection on the confidence level one might have.