Why is he doing this to me????

[justagirl1121]

I posted elsewhere on here about my situation and I got a lot of great feedback during the time, but now I'm at a different stage. And I don't mean to be a pain and just drag my problem out....but it's really hard to get over.

 

So, real quick I'll just sum it all up.

 

-Worked somewhere and made a guy friend.

-We no longer work together.

-I had a crush on him.

-HE started being flirty.

-After we were done working, HE called me like once a week to talk.

-I started to like him a lot more.

-Finally, after like 5 mo of not seeing him, he comes hang out with a group of us.

-First time ever, HE makes plans to get dinner. It was just dinner.

-THEN I dont talk to him for a while. THEN on a call, he mentions having dinner like 4 times. really unusual for him.

-THEN he calls me later that week and doesnt ask me to do anything but, also unusual for him is all like 'im so bored. im not doing anything. i have nothing to do all weekend. what are you doing tonight?' etc. So i ask him to do something.

-we have dinner, then he suggests going elsewhere. so we go to a few different places. (bars) THEN he makes moves on me. HE totally was making moves all night (sitting close, touching, etc)

-He makes comments about how he debated doing that all night, always wanted a sweet girl, etc

-THEN,

-THEN!

-He tells me how he's not interested in a realationship with anyone, he's not emotionally there, but also makes remarks about "seeing where it goes"

-Even after we were driving back to my car, he held my hand twice, and before i got out we kissed again.

-We'd made "plans" to do something the following weekend. he called as planned, but we didnt get to do anything cause hte call got dropped and he didnt call back.

-i called a couple days later, we talked, but he had to go answer his call waiting and said he'd call me right back, but he didnt. so i didnt get a chance to make any plans.

-i waited like 2 weeks. no call. i called him earlier this week. left a voice mail.

-its been like 3 nights, still no call.

 

 

WHAT THE HELL GIVES?!?! Is he ignoring me? I think he is interested in me and i don't want to force him to date me, but i realllllllly like him. And he gave me the impression he liked me. do u do that to a friend? he didnt just meet me! he said he was just going with teh flow, but u dont hint at these things and make slow moves and make out wiht me and stuff and then say you arent interested in dating anyone. u dont hold my hand after that and kiss me at the end again!!!!!!

 

I thought maybe i could hang out with him and sorta talk. i didnt want to put him on the spot, but i think i deserve at least a little bit of insight into where this is going, like either tell me absolutely not, just stop thinking about it and move on, i want nothing more or.......well we can be casual and kinda hang out and see. but i cant even get a hold of him. i feel like he is blowing me off!

 

I know he said he didnt want a relationship, or to even date, but he also mentioned seeing where it led...

 

He is very contradictive of himself, in that he says and does things and then says and does other things that are totally opposite, so i dont know how to read him or take him for what its worth.

 

Also last Feb he had plans to move across state. He says adamently that he will be out of here by the end of hte month. But he's been saying that EVERY MONTH. And unless he did just move in the last 2 weeks...he hasn't moved. It's like it is all talk.

 

i feel really pissed at him now and really hurt. he said hurting me was hte last thing he wanted to do, but he's done exactly that!

 

for the longest time i thought he liked me back but still doubted it, so i thought

-if he asked me out, i'd know......but after that i still didnt

-if he kissed me, i'd know......but i still dont'

 

how can it be this flippin' hard!?

 

I'd try to move on, but i dont really meet guys. i feel like there's something wrong with me. I can't find anyone to take my mind off this.

 

I guess i dont know what i should do from here:

 

Call again and 1. invite him out. 2. call just to see if he answers. 3. call and ask what is the deal?

 

or not call him again and see if he ever in this lifetime calls me back?

 

I need some help on this from people sooooo bad! My friends all tell me what I want to hear. And yes, I like that and don't want to be told the sucky parts, but I have no idea what to do with myself!!!

 

I really like this quote from a book I read:

"As long as there is cake, there's hope. And there's always cake."

 

But right now, that quote is just really pissing me off.

 

Thanks in advance!!!

[swissair]

"He's just not that into you"... I hate to sound mean, but look how much thought you had to put into this. It shouldn't be this way. Find someone who makes you know that he likes you

[blue16]

Ya I agree with swissair, sorry. Fact of the matter is that he said he'd call, and didn't. It's one thing if he's like "ya I'll call you back" and got tied up with something and called back a day or two later. But it's been two weeks and he hasn't called so the only thing you can do is move on. Don't call him anymore, because at that point you are only feeding his ego.

 

Heres what you do. Nothing. If he happens to call, don't pick up. He'll wonder why you aren't answering - perhaps you found someone else? perhaps you aren't into him anymore? It's very important that you don't act like nothing happened because most likely the main reason why he'd call at this point is to make sure you still like him, so he can get a cheap ego boost. However, if you have the integrity to ignore his actions (I mean let's face it, if he takes two weeks to call then you deserve to ignore him) then he might realize what he's missing. But if you are always available then he won't ever realized what he's lost.

 

Not trying to get your hopes up, but just sayin that in case he does call I wouldn't even answer. Let him do the chasing this time.

[justagirl1121]

Yeah, i'm am like 99.99% sure that he likes me just like i like him but he is being a total ass for some reason. and since its now been the close of 3 weeks since i've heard from him and almost a week since i've called him wthout a response, im just as sure that he is purposely avoiding me.

 

i just didnt think he'd be such a jerk!! i mean, if i'd started hounding him about hanging out and stuff and being soem psycho i could understand, but i totally gave him space and never brought up the subject even once or hinted at it in the slightest way the two times we DID talk. i just think we would fit good together.

 

im not calling him or anything. if he never contacts me back, then i guess i will never ever see or hear from him again. i do honestly think that over a month later, i really deserve some sort of closure/ answer from him. if he wasn't so contradictive, i would have let it go.

 

if he does call me, im not going to be very friendly, and just act like nothings wrong though. im going to be like 'obviously you dont want more, and that's fine. just so u know, in the future, do me a favor and dont go and persue someone and hten tell them you do not want anything more after you've put yourself out there.'

 

if he asks if i regret it im going to tell him that i kind of do, as i think it must have ruined things. and i wouldnt have wanted it to do that. tho its all his fault.

 

i just dont feel like being very nice. b/c i reallllly like him. and i thought it was leading somewhere. i know he likes me. but im extremely hurt now, and i am pissed, and so i feel like tellin it straight. right, what can it hurt? im not with him so if it turns him away, it didnt lose anything.

[silverbeamer]

I say if you're not stalking, you're not trying! Call him from a friends cell phone so he doesn't know its you and see if he answers. I'd leave 2 more messages and if he doesn't respond to any of it... its time to move on sista!

 

He might have other things going on...

[justagirl1121]

hmm....see i had the impression that being a "stalker" was a BAD thing. Ranks right up there with being clingy and needy and psycho. I think i'll just call him an ass and no one ignores someone for 3 weeks unless you're lying 6 ft under.

[tweedle-dee]

Don't waste your time. Go on with your life, don't let something like this take up your brain. Believe me, when someone wants something, they will do anything to get it! It doesn't look like he cares a lot, it's more like something that was tehre and enjoyed having it around, and if it's not, so what.

 

We never think guys are jerks, we always try to make excuses for them, not unless he has a damn good one for you!

[filarena]

Not that I disagree with everyone saying forget him, but I will say I don't think it's because he's not interested or a jerk. He told you upfront he wasn't looking for a relationship, he's not there right now. He's got things going on in his head, he can't commit. He probably DOES like you. Believe it or not, sometimes that's the problem. You are relationship material and he's not ready for a relationship. Don't let it wound your ego. Just accept that he would have been bad news later on down the line anyway and move on.

[justagirl1121]

yeah you make alot of sense. its hard tomove on tho when there's nothing to take your mind off it. he's just so contradictive all the time, its hard to believe he really isnt ready; after all he used to talk about girls all the time. he shouldn't have persued me to the point that he did, where the start of a "dating" relationship started, only to kill it. being scared of committment i can understand. not wanting a relationship with ANYONE doesnt suddenly happen in a second.

 

i will give him a few days and give him a call. and see exactly what is going on. he is a friend after all. so i dont see why i cant call him again without appearing stalkerish. so either way i'll know, because if he doesnt answer, i'll leave a voicemail asking what gives, and if he doesnt call me back.....then well...goodbye for good.

[amerikajin]

He probably does like you but his interest in you isn't as high as yours is in him. I think that's the thing you've got to feel out in a relationship always, in every relationship you've got. The question is, do you want to continue knowing that you are way more interested in him than he is in return? Typically, once I feel that someone isn't quite returning the favor, I move on.

 

I'll tell ya how this guy's thinking right now: I kinda like her but I know there's someone else I will connect with more. It's like relationship black-jack or something. Don't ever take it personally...it is just a matter of what floats his boat and nothing else, as it is with you.