hurtguesst Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I'm not really trying to ellicit pity or attention or anything like that by posting here. Any comments are appreciated and welcomed. But more han anything this is me trying to get my feelings and thoughts out to a place wher ei know they are heard...rather than a diary or journal where no one will read them. I know that in any breakup there will be periods of "wow i dont need her at all there's so much to look forward to in life I'm only 19" and then there are periods like right now...."I feel so alone, they could hold a parade in my name and everyone of my friends could call me at the same time within the next hour, but I would still feel so alone in this world" Highs and Lows. I'm trying my best to get on wit it, to dabble in every day life's tragedies. I go back to school tomorrow, I go back to a place where I have no friends...my only friend was her. She kept me going through that place and now its biting me in the ***, I should not have relied on someone so much to get me through something because now I have to get through it on my own. I know she is no good. I know I am attractive. I know she cheated on me and that alone should have been the end of things. Its easy to think that way at times. But its not easy right now, to picture and remember the countless hours we spent talking to each other on the phone. How she told me it was because of me that she knew she never really loved her first boyfriend, that I upped the standard of what love is. 1 week after she told me she no longer loved me she was already seeing someone else. And I hate all these games she plays. Well actually, no i dont. I love the fct that she's playing games because it means she still has feelings for me and is trying to ellicit responses. She knows I'm impulsive and even though I haven't intiated contact with her for the past month, she knows that I might break. Is it wrong for me to think "That new guy is just a rebound and she'll be done with him sooner than she was with me"? Is it wrong for me to assume she is still thinking about me? Is it wrong for me to think that almost every move she makes is catered towards trying to make jealous? Or is it that I'd rather not face the truth...is the truth: SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOU, AND YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A GUY SHE DATED FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND SHE ISNT DOING THAT STUFF TO ANNOY YOU, SHES DOING THAT STUFF BECAUSE SHE FORGOT ABOUT YOU. I don't know, but moving on would be so much easier if I knew she was just as bent on what happeneed between us as I am.
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