tanbark813 Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 So my now-ex just left. She came over and we spoke for about an hour. It turns out I was all over some girl. I didn't really remember until she told me tonight. I was pretty drunk. Basically, I was irritated at her because of a perceived lack of attention and because she was turning down drinks from me but took a shot from her guy friend. So, I was in the mindset to show her what she's missing out on. Unfortunately, the alcohol blurred the boundaries far too much. During one of my songs on stage I was kind of dancing for this one girl while singing and she was cheering me on from her seat. Then later she was up doing "Loveshack" (HA! how coincidental ) and she called me up to do the guy part. I was singing with her into the mic and had my arm around her waist. That's what my ex was so pissed about. She left to go outside because she didn't want to see that anymore. From there it turned into a huge blowout since I thought she was nuts for thinking I was all over someone. She also said this is the worst verbally abusive relationship she's been in. I'm really embarrassed about what happened. She said that I might not be ready for a relationship right now. Perhaps she's right. Anyway, we broke up but at least parted on peaceful terms. edit: Oh yeah, and she wasn't on her guy friend's lap. I thought she was but she claims she wasn't. My memory is too hazy to know for sure.
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 She also said this is the worst verbally abusive relationship she's been in. They all say this or a twist of this so they feel guilt free.. Sorry man.. sounds like you f***ed up big time.. She must not of been good for you or you wouldn't have done that on stage with the other girl.. Live and learn.. Dating is all about that.. I hope you feel better soon Peace
gfto Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Basically, I was irritated at her because of a perceived lack of attention and because she was turning down drinks from me but took a shot from her guy friend. Don't be so hard on yourself. If she wasn't paying much attention to you and was turning down drinks from you, then she probably started losing interest in you some time ago. Your behavior that night just gave her a good excuse to go ahead and end it. She had probably been wanting to for a while.
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I think this was going to happen at some point, so what happened just sped it up abit, maybe???? Don't be so hard on yourself. It takes TWO to tango, remember that. There were issues even before all this took place, right? And, who knows what really DID happen. You need to ask a sober friend to give you the run down. She was drinking too, she KNEW you were drinking big time, so there still is a chance she is making ALOT more out of this than what really did happen. Still sucks though, and I feel for you! Remember, her loss...Keep telling yourself that.
cal gal Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 TB- You didn't do anything wrong in my book (well, except meybe too many drinkypoos) but putting your arm around a gals waist? Give me a fvucking break! I was married to a guy that was way more attractive than JFK Jr. and if I was going to be angry every time someone was close by or he was trying to be kind, we would have killed each other. I think jealousy is so ugly and unproductive, if anyone around me carries that quality and doesn't understand my true value system well enough - I don't keep them around long. Too much negative energy goes into that mindset instead of having fun. Now, don't give it another thought, seems to me she intended to be mad at you before the evening began.....
kitten chick Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Sorry that things didn't work out for you Tanbark. I find that when people tell you things about yourself during a breakup, even if it's exaggerated, there is always a grain of truth and it's certainly worth examining when you're ready.
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I was just actually thinking that too! Yeah, you're a singer. GIRLS are going to flirt with you and you may have to 'play' the part which means, grabbing a girl, bringing her up on stage. It's not like you 'wanted' her. It's more of a band thing. I guess in a way it comes with the territory and she has to know (if she had stuck around long enough) that does happen. Kinda like a hockey player's wife...Girls are going to THROW themselves at the guy and if the guys wife can't handle it, it won't work out... (just a passing example, could be anybody famous, or rock star etc...) You see my point though? 1
cal gal Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I admire anyone that can say up front that they messed up! That says alot for a person and is something to be admired. A healthy quality that some people never learn. You go TB...
Author tanbark813 Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 Well thanks for the support, guys. I'm kicking myself for how I acted but this all helps a bit. WWIU: I do get your point about being a singer, but just to clarify, this wasn't a performance with my band. This was just karaoke at a bar. Imagine if it was with my band and I had my sax with me.
cal gal Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 had your what with you????? oh yah he said sax.... he he he he he XO
Lonestar Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Awww tanbark, we all f*ck up from time to time. I've screwed up plenty of dates from a combination of drinking, baggage from my past I hadn't resolved, and plain not caring. I usually wasn't all too hurt afterward, but did feel kinda dumb for acting like a jerk to the guy. I hopw you're not too upset about this, but maybe if you give her some space she may decide to try again. Who knows.... I hate dating and relationships now. I really do. I'm tired of worrying about getting hurt or hurting them or al the other things involved.
Author tanbark813 Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 I'm actually more embarrassed than upset. But yeah, I can feel you on getting tired of dating and relationships and all the complications that go with it.
cal gal Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I'm actually more embarrassed than upset. But yeah, I can feel you on getting tired of dating and relationships and all the complications that go with it. Yep, I understand, I'm over it - hard part is I still want the sex all the time.....
Lonestar Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I'm actually more embarrassed than upset. But yeah, I can feel you on getting tired of dating and relationships and all the complications that go with it. You'll get over the embarrassment as soon as the spotlight is on someone else's f*ck up. It's raw right now. Give it a couple days.
CaliGuy Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I'm actually more embarrassed than upset. But yeah, I can feel you on getting tired of dating and relationships and all the complications that go with it. You're man enought to admit your mistakes, that's a very respectable place to be. It means you're intelligent enought to realize when you've screwed up and smart enough to know not to do it again. Maybe a little less of the drink next time?
Author tanbark813 Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 Maybe a little less of the drink next time? I think that might be wise.
cal gal Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Sometimes a simple thing to understand in life is that there are people with open and closed body language. I am an open type, and even strangers feel comfortable touching me. I don't get offended, it's just the way life has been for me since I was a baby. A closed person will get offended with the slightest intrusion of their personal space. If you watch people and the way they move and interact with people you will see a big difference. Maybe your date was more of a closed gal and the gal on stage was an open gal????? Don't know ... just a curious thought..
Lonestar Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Maybe a little less of the drink next time? Nah... Southern is too much fun to drink. A real woman will keep up with him. Right tan??? 1
Author tanbark813 Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 cal gal: That's an interesting point. I wouldn't say my ex was a closed person, but the girl on stage was definitely more open. Nah... Southern is too much fun to drink. A real woman will keep up with him. Right tan??? Damn straight, baby.
cygny Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 i think you need to work on feeling more secure or less egotistical (not sure which) in a relationship--when you say you reacted to a 'perceived lack of attention', that is a tip-off that you sabotaged this relationship--you didn't feel like she was sucking up to you enough, and so you tried to make her jealous, and basically went on a bender. is that because you feel like because she's your girlfriend, you deserve all her attention, or do you secretly feel like you aren't good enough to hold her attention?
lilmoma1973 Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Tanbark, sometimes alcohol makes us do things we aren't aware of .. I don't see what you did wrong wasn't like you was kissing on her ..Putting your hand on her waist isn't messing with another person!! Hang in there she probably was in that guy's lap and making you think it wasn't making you look like the bad guy.. I will say it again it is her loss!! Hugs to you .
cygny Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Basically, I was irritated at her because of a perceived lack of attention and because she was turning down drinks from me but took a shot from her guy friend. So, I was in the mindset to show her what she's missing out on. This is what started it all. right tanbark? the alcohol came later. do you think she was deliberately ignoring you in order to make you jealous, or was this a 'private initiative' on your part? i don't think it solved anything to go the revenge route.
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Well thanks for the support, guys. I'm kicking myself for how I acted but this all helps a bit. WWIU: I do get your point about being a singer, but just to clarify, this wasn't a performance with my band. This was just karaoke at a bar. Imagine if it was with my band and I had my sax with me. You sexy thing! OK, guess I misunderstood. Try to have a good weekend! And lighten up on yourself!
whichwayisup Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 oh well, there puh-len-ty of chicks You talk funny alpha! PS Are you heading to the SB game or watching it on TV?
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