luvtoto Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I am a single mother and have a 10 year old son. I have just started dating a guy recently, after a two year dry period. Today, my son had a brief conversation with my SO, and my son really rude to him. My SO got a little flustered, and didn't know how to respond to my S. I think my son was just being territorial about his mom...or jealous maybe? Does anyone have any advice to give on how to handle this situation?
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 It sounds to me that he isn't being territorial about you .. He is being territorial about the father position. Is his father actively in his life ?
Author luvtoto Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 Good point A_C. I left his dad when he was 2 yrs old. He has played a very small role in my son's life. No visitation or child support received either. He was abusive.
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Bingo... Your son sees the new guy as a replacement for his Dad.. He secretly wishes his Mom and Dad were together ( Almost all divorced kids feel this way ) and the new guy threatens this.. I have been there before as the step dad.. My step daughter saw me as replacement for her dad.. With willpower, patience and love I was able to show her that I wasn't going to replace her Dad and I also showed her how cool it was to have 2 Dads that both did diffferent things with her. It took me almost 2 years to win her over .. You will most likely run into this scenario with your son with every guy that you show public interest in. Have a talk with him about the new guys role and how he will fit into his life
Author luvtoto Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 Thanks A_C. I will have a chat with the boy. Was your step-daughter angry with you and rude? Did this change your feelings towards her mom? I am just concerned because this guy has never had a history of dating... obviously has never been subjected to step-kids or his own for that matter...and he's 45. I am just wondering how in the world this will all work out. Think there's any hope?
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Thanks A_C. I will have a chat with the boy. Was your step-daughter angry with you and rude? Did this change your feelings towards her mom? I am just concerned because this guy has never had a history of dating... obviously has never been subjected to step-kids or his own for that matter...and he's 45. I am just wondering how in the world this will all work out. Think there's any hope? Oh yes.. she used to turn her back to me when I would walk into the room... and would refuse to speak to me.. With her we did family counseling on how to handle it.. I originally felt that I was causing her terrible hurt and once thought about giving up on the marriage until the counseling took hold.. It was wonderful after that.. At about 2.5 years she was calling me "Dad" when we were alone together.. If your relationship with him gets more involved get him some books on step parenting.. I read all of them.. He might even consider seeing a counselor if he has trouble learning the family dynamics of being involved with someone that has kids. And yes there is hope... Good luck..
Author luvtoto Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 So...how did your wife handle the situation? Did she make excuses for her daughter's rudeness or what?
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 So...how did your wife handle the situation? Did she make excuses for her daughter's rudeness or what? No.. she started by talking with her daughter and when that was met with stubborn walls time and time again I suggested counseling.. I guess just the fact that she felt the way she did was an excuse all in itself.. She was 4 when I came into her life.. who would've thought that a tiny little girl almost beat me... I do think if he becomes a big part of your life that you all could benefit from some counseling..IF only just a couple of sessions so you guys can pick their brains.. I am a step child myself and I learned so much about step familes thru counseling that I never would've been able to figure out on my own.
Author luvtoto Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 This guy and I have only had a few lunch dates. This weekend is our first out-of-the-office date. He is my coworker and on a normal day he usually is gone before my son comes after school...except today. My other coworkers just laughed about it. But, I didn't think it was so funny. No.. she started by talking with her daughter and when that was met with stubborn walls time and time again I suggested counseling.. By the way, you are a real stand-up guy for being so dedicated to that little girl and her mother. Most guys would just cop and attitude.
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 By the way, you are a real stand-up guy for being so dedicated to that little girl and her mother. Most guys would just cop and attitude. Thanks.. it has always been one of my proudest moments.. 1
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