Lishy Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Hiya all Ok I want to tell you about this and see what you all think and get your opinions! Ok my best friend is 36 and has a 12 yr old son. Her childs father was abusive, as was her own father and then she was with Kevin for 5 years - Kevin was an alchoholic who lied and stole on her but she stayed with him for 5 yrs using the excuse that she needed the money he gave her. Anyway long story short, she met this new guy and she just FELL madely in love with him within 2 days - On the Monday she kicked Kevin out of her house and moved the new guy (Mike) in that night - He stayed the night and the following morning he told her son that he wanted to look after his mum and that meant he would look after him too. Within 4 days she is telling me that she has met the man she will marry and have kids with! By then he had keys to her house. Fast forward to now, 4 months later, He has spent every single night at her house (he has his own place tho) and they are like an old married couple. He does treat her well and shows her lots of respect other than the fact that he has so much baggage (his kids and family) She never comes out anymore as she says she is too loved up! Ok my Q is this ..... Is this normal? Is she headed for a big bang or is this just me being too pessimistic? I feel that the candle that burns brightest goes out quickest but am I right? Maybe I am just thinking with my screwed up head and just cant see the romance?
Gold Pile Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 GP always has an opinion. Moving someone in...2 days after meeting is a huge gamble. If this lady is your best friend, then what's my title?
cal gal Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Yes honey, this is too quick! If this were my friend I would slap her silly and ask her WTF she's thinking? A 12 year old son subjected and exposed to that? She is supposed to be setting an example for him and making the family unit a priority. Don't be afraid to speak your mind when it comes to people not living up to better standards... just approach it in a kind and caring way. BTW - She must be insecure and afraid to be alone... not good for the child.
Yamaha Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 There is NO such thing as love at first sight. It is a concept dreamed up by romantics who need a way to air-brush that deadly sin they find stirring inside of them. That tingle, that spark, that connection that you feel with a person upon first seeing them? Guess what, that is LUST. It is not, nor can it be, Love. Love is something that is built on far more. Compatibility, understanding, trust, security, respect... None of these are present upon a first meeting, and therefore, by definition, your feeling, however powerful, can not be love. Love at first sight is believed in by people who either don't know, or don't want to admit that the pull of a purely sexual attraction can be that intense. But it definitely can be. And there's not a damn thing wrong with acknowledging that. The reason that people believe in it? Because it's happened to them. I've had people who have told me that they "just knew" they were the one (from the moment they met ). Instantaneous Love. An easy thing to say after the fact. Here you have this sexual attraction. It must be pretty intense if you're already confusing it with love (and yes, you are confused). Physical attraction is how almost every 'romantic' relationship begins. Then, over time, the relationship grows. You find that the two of you are compatible in areas outside of sexuality (is there such a thing?) Over time (time is a critical element in falling in love) the foundations of a 'true love' are built. Then one day you wake up and you're in love. But you already knew that didn't you? 2
Author Lishy Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 She tells me that he is her 'soul mate' and that she worships him and that he is the other half of her - SHe has told me this since 1 week of being with him! I have told her from the start that she is moving too quick and that she needs to stand back and still have her won life. They are like an old married couple after 4 MONTHS! But when I talk about it to her she acts like I am raining on her parade! I love this girl like a sister and I hate to see what she is doing to herself and especially her son! She is now starting to resent her son because he stops her spending one on one time with her man! That is sick to me!
Art_Critic Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Let her go..No sense in ruining a friendship It will fizzle out..
Author Lishy Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 Oi you Mr C You ahve THREE dots! You are so greedy lol
Outcast Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Try to persuade her to postpone marriage for at least a year. Either it will all go south in another few months (between 6-9 months) or it will turn out to be one of those lucky chances where someone falls in 'love at first sight' with someone who is compatible, caring, etc. It does happen, but not often enough that one should believe every 'love at first sight' actually has a good future.
ALC Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 WOW! I'm glad I found this post... I'm pretty much in the same boat. Trying to understand my ex's reasoning for kicking me out and moving another guy in within 48 hours of my leaving. We ended it on January 17th and he's been there since the 18th. I don't know where her mind is right now. It has all the characteristics of a rebound relationship. I've read alot about rebounding and almost everything claims that it won't work out. I'm skeptical about it because they dated each other years ago. What are these people thinking? You can't jump from one serious relationship to another without taking some time off from dating to clear your head. Otherwise you repeat the same mistakes you made in your previous relationship. I've been told time and time again that I need to distance myself and let her fall on her face, but I really do care for her and it's hard to not want to help her. Any other opinions? Here is a link that's been helping me out with this... http://edumped.com/encourage4.html
Fester Lungblood Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 Well, I think she sounds like the kinda hot little momma I'd like to meet.
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