kitten chick Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I just don't think it's worth it. I find as time goes on I want to date less and less. I've been single for over a year now and stopped dating altogether 8 months ago. Somehow the planets aligned and all of my friends became single at the end of last year but they all have boyfriends now so I've withdrawn from them as of late. I do get lonely at times but I still just don't want to deal with it, I don't think it's worth it. I can't imagine that this is a healthy way to feel. Anyone ever gone through this or am I just that abnormal?
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Anyone ever gone through this or am I just that abnormal? Awww honey, yes. It passes. In the meantime, here's a big hug ((( ))) 1
kitten chick Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 The strange thing is I don't really feel bad about it. I've gone through periods after breakups where I didn't want to date and it passed but it feels different this time. I think I'm really done with it. Thank you for the sentiment though RR.
Geoffrey Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 ....I feel the same way, dear. When the moment is right, you will know it. Take a break if you feel the need to. You will kiss many, many frogs before you find your prince!
jerbear Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 The strange thing is I don't really feel bad about it. I've gone through periods after breakups where I didn't want to date and it passed but it feels different this time. I think I'm really done with it. Thank you for the sentiment though RR. This to shall pass. It is part of a stage to be yourself before you jump back into the dating scene.
kitten chick Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 No, seriously. I don't think this is a stage. I've been on a break for a year and as time goes on I see more and more s*** in the world and want to date less and less. I think that this time it's for real. In the past I've always known that I'd get over it and get back into the game at some point but I don't feel that way this time. I think maybe some people weren't suited for the dating game and I think I'm one of them.
unimoko Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Its funny...I went through a time when I did not date for years! Funny as it was it was the best time for me. In terms of persuing hobbies, catching up with friends, focusing on the career. Don't think that just because you feel that you aren't ready to date does not mean you will never date in the future. You get burned by some Sleazy Sams and Weird Willies and it would make anyone want through in the towels. My advice is to use this time for self-improvement. If you religious--connect with god, find a hobby, look for career advancement.
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Right now the timing may not be right. I tell ya, when you're least expecting it, some guy will come around the corner and grab your attention. You aren't going to 'date' anybody just for the sake of dating...That is why I know when the time comes, someone will walk into your life and he'll be great!
Geoffrey Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 ....I wasn't trying to dismiss your feelings or tell you you're wrong. I'm sorry if you felt I was blowing your feelings off. I DO get it because I kinda feel the same way sometimes. I wonder if I'm doomed to be single the rest of my days sometimes. Usually right when I give up, something happens. It's your choice, and you are in the driver's seat. Don't let some clown like me tell you you're wrong!
kitten chick Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I DO NOT WANT A BOYFRIEND AGAIN. perhaps a dating site is probably not the best place to find people who understand me.
Lishy Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Wow Kitty I feel the same! I honestly cannot see the point in getting to know a new guy just to find out after a while that he is a flake! I do not know what I want at all and even though I get lonely at times, when I hear about arguments my friends have with their b/f's I think 'God I don't miss that crap' Then when they tell me what great things they are going to do on valentines day I get a 'pang' But mostly I feel happier being single and just doing my own thing! So you are not alone Kitty - I feel just the same! Watch this space
alphamale Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I DO NOT WANT A BOYFRIEND AGAIN. so sweat KC....just proclaim celibacy and you'll be on the road to salvation. are you catholic? maybe you can join a convent. does one have to be a *virgin* to become a nun? or can you just sow your wild oats and then declare celibacy and become a nun and serve the church.
cal gal Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 No one said you have to date.... do what you want for what feels right. That way being happy is easier. Don't let other people determine what is right for you!
unimoko Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Well let me be a little crude here. From the little I read it seems you are jaded because of your past encounteres or you found little to no apeal to the opposite sex. Plus its getting under your skin that all your friends have found someone to shack up with. Yeah, that would get to me too. So then you have 3 options here 1) Remain celibate for the rest of your life and live in some monastery or convent 2) Live with a bunch of cats and use them as your love outlet 3)Accept this as a transition peroid 4) Don't bitch about it Because the reality in life there a very FEW people I ever met who are not interested in persuing romance ever in the long run. And I say FEW. I am not talking about not dating for about 5 maybe 10 years. I am talking 10-20-50 years. No if that isn't interested in romance tell me what is. Now if you feel that you are heading for that then by all means dismiss our words of wisdom and become a prude. 1
kitten chick Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Well guess what, you can add another one to your precious FEW. So take your f***ing advice and shove it up your f***ing azz.
unimoko Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Obviously I hit a nerve. Hey you don't have to listen to me or the other people that reply to this thread. Only you know what you feel and only you know what the WHOLE situation is. You are only telling me that you are sick of dating, but you are leaving out WHY you are sick of dating, I think that is the real issue.
Pyro Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Don't sweat it KC. I was single for many years. I will admit that there had been some lonely times, but the time that I was alone, I was able to figure out who I am. I found many new hobbies, I was able to devote my time to exercise and other things. Some of the best times of my life was when I was single. Nothing wrong with wanting to date.
malachai Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Nevermind. Clearly nobody gets it. Well, I think some of us do understand what you're saying. You're saying it's not a temporary decision to abstain from dating, you are more or less through with it for good. Too much s%#t involved with it. It isn't worth it, right? What I think people are saying when they say that it'll pass, and it's ok to go through a phase of non-dating, is that your feelings will change over time. You said it's been 1 year. That's a long time, long enough to feel like it stuck with you. But 1 year is definitely not 5 years, which is definitely not 10 years. Our feelings have a bad habit of switching on us when we least expect it. Sure, you can fight it, but sometimes they are to strong to resist. You said in your first post that it gets lonely at times. How lonely do you think it'll feel in 5 years? I'm not really saying that a decision to never date again is unreasonable. What I am saying is that a life like that is maintained by willpower, not by feelings. Feelings change.
jerbear Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 It took me about 1 year to fully get over someone. 3 months before I quieted down. What bothered me was I had toughts of another woman and that interferred with my current relationship. I have spoken to the 3rd woman about how I felt. It gave me a realization that I wanted more and she represented was the deeper feelings while the the physical portion was with someone else. I have since settled the 3rd woman's thoughts and ready to date again. I asked a classmate of mine and got shot down twice in just asking her out once. Talk about humiliating!
Yamaha Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Some people are just not meant to get married. Maybe you are one of these people. If your happy being single then enjoy your life. It is not a bad way to live. 1
Outcast Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I don't date. Never have. My relationships have started from friendships. And because I'm pretty choosy, there have been chunks of time when there's been no SO and I've been perfectly fine with that. Frankly, I don't see the point in most of this 'dating'. It seems silly.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 KC, honey, there's nothing wrong with not wanting to date. You may change your feelings about that later on down the road, and then again, you may not. There are plenty of people...and I know quite a few...who have resigned themselves to a life without dating, and some are very happy with their life. You may or may not be in a "protection mode" right now. Perhaps when your heart lets you know that it's healed, you might be open to dating again. And societally, it is hard to be a single person in a world full of couples, and there's peer pressure to date....but don't ever feel that you are less of a person because you choose not to have a man around. This is one stage of your life....just be open to the possibilities down the road.
kitten chick Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Like I said, there's no point in replying here. I was stupid to think that anyone here would understand me. I'm avoidant. It's very easy and comfortable for me to write off dating and relationships forever.
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