Sunshine2003 Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 1. Does your bf put you before work? (or gf if men answering:p ) 2. Does your bf call if he is going to be late? 3. Does your bf talk to you about his day/his work, or do you have to ask him? (If he doesn't volunteer, do you ask him, or does it not matter to you?) 4. If your bf worked one-on-one with female clients (fitness/gym setting), would that bother you?
jen4 Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 1. Does your bf put you before work? (or gf if men answering ) Sometimes. He has been late because he was at my house. 2. Does your bf call if he is going to be late? Not an issue since we dont live together. 3. Does your bf talk to you about his day/his work, or do you have to ask him? (If he doesn't volunteer, do you ask him, or does it not matter to you?) We always talk about his work,I am a member at the gym he manages. 4. If your bf worked one-on-one with female clients (fitness/gym setting), would that bother you? He works directly with females and it doesn't bother me unless his actions toward me show something is wrong,then I start wondering,but when things are good with us I'm cool with it.
Cassiodorus Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 1. Does your bf put you before work? (or gf if men answering:p ) 2. Does your bf call if he is going to be late? 3. Does your bf talk to you about his day/his work, or do you have to ask him? (If he doesn't volunteer, do you ask him, or does it not matter to you?) 4. If your bf worked one-on-one with female clients (fitness/gym setting), would that bother you? It's girlfriend for me, but I'll still answer. 1. It would be school in her case, but the answer is no. In fact, unless she is 100% sure she has done enough work to make an A, she doesn't have time for anyone or anything else. 2. Nope never. In fact, if she needs to cancel, she just assumes I know and doesn't even call for that. 3. Sometimes 4. Yes, it would.
Walk Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 1. Does your bf put you before work? As long as quality time is spent together during the week/weekend, then work should come first for the most part. You can't eat if you can't pay the bills. Its a balancing act. Time must be spent with the SO where there is no mention of work, just the two of you enjoying each others company. 2. Does your bf call if he is going to be late? Depends... My ex had a regular schedule that was rarely changed. I would really get worried if he didn't show up after an hour or two, and hadn't said anything earlier about it. However, my current has no set schedule for work, so he keeps me informed as well as he can. I don't worry too much unless weather is bad, or I've heard of an accident on a route he's taking. Otherwise, I trust him and know he's either just having fun, or his job screwed him over again. If an SO goes out with the guys, and he's said "I'll be home at such and such a time", then yes, I expect a call to say he'll be late. Mostly if alcohol is related. I worry about accidents on the road. Otherwise, I'm fine if they just say, "I'll be home late, but not sure when..." 3. Does your bf talk to you about his day/his work, or do you have to ask him? (If he doesn't volunteer, do you ask him, or does it not matter to you?) Never had a bf who would just spout off about work the second he got home. A few rare occurances, but very rare. I usually ask how their day went. And I've found it better to not push the issue if they are non-responsive. I ask because I'm interested in their life, but most men want to leave that stuff at work, not bring it home. But I also want to let him know I want to listen if he has something on his mind, or something he wants to share. 4. If your bf worked one-on-one with female clients (fitness/gym setting), would that bother you? It wouldn't bother me as long as I felt our relationship was fairly solid. But if we're fighting all the time, or he's expressed displeasure on major aspects, then I'd get jealous. If he's talking about them in awe, or wow, kind of ways, then I'd want to deck him. But if he's just working with these women, then to get jealous is self-defeating to the relationship. You have to have an element of trust, and if you question his actions all the time, then there's a serious issue that's not being dealt with. The jealousy is a symptom of a deeper problem. Why do you ask?
justagirliegirl Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 1. Work should be first in general. He is good about it but there have been a few times I had to get him going to get there on time. If there was some emergency say I had to go to the hospital, of course he would be there for me. 2. Not an issue since we don't live together. 3. Sometimes. 4. Of course not. I work in a male dominated field where many times I am the only female but he has no problems with it at all.
JayKay Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 1. Does your bf put you before work? (or gf if men answering ) I think so.....his job is not his life. 2. Does your bf call if he is going to be late? Yes 3. Does your bf talk to you about his day/his work, or do you have to ask him? (If he doesn't volunteer, do you ask him, or does it not matter to you?) He talks about his day if something interesting happened. We live together and know a lot about each others' jobs, so we don't need to talk about it everyday. 4. If your bf worked one-on-one with female clients (fitness/gym setting), would that bother you No
l2hvn Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 1. Does your bf put you before work? (or gf if men answering:p ) 2. Does your bf call if he is going to be late? 3. Does your bf talk to you about his day/his work, or do you have to ask him? (If he doesn't volunteer, do you ask him, or does it not matter to you?) 4. If your bf worked one-on-one with female clients (fitness/gym setting), would that bother you? 1. sometimes. he's very workaholic though. 2. yes. i don't sometimes and he gets mad at me. (we just had this fight the other night!) 3. yes he does talk about his work, esp. if it's good news. other times when he's stressed out, he just keeps it to himself, and i ask no more. 4. hmm... it all comes down to trust. you have to be able to trust your partner. otherwise, what's the point of being in a relationship?
Author Sunshine2003 Posted February 3, 2006 Author Posted February 3, 2006 I ask because my bf doesn't seem to put me first and it really bothers me. He will be late to see me and often won't call...he will never be late to see a client. He always tells me that I need to ask him about work. Why can't he just talk to me about it? And he's a fitness trainer. How do I trust that everything is going ok? As a guy is he going to stare at his female clients that he thinks are attractive the whole time? I don't know if I should be worrying about this or not. I just need some ansers.
CaliGuy Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 You sound a bit insecure and he will pick up on that. If you are are secure in yourself you don't worry about his work. If you're confident, he'll see that. Don't worry so much if he's putting you off. Worry if he starts breaking dates or never returns calls. Confidence is sexy. Remember that.
Walk Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I think the only point I would have a problem with is if he didn't call to either say he wasn't going to show, or was going to be very late. If you're just talking about 10-15 minutes all the time, then the most that warrants is a comment one time, maybe twice at most. "Hey, it annoys me that you're late when we've made plans." Or something like that. And you do need to ask him how his day was. Show some interest in his life. If it was good, bad, weird.. whatever. I would really think my partner didn't give a crap about me if they never asked how my day went, or work. I think you should ask. As far as him staring at other women... hmm... I highly doubt that. I'm not sure what gym he works at, but every gym I've gone to, the women are either just gross looking, annoying, shallow, snobby, or egotistical. (Not all but seems like a majority) There's not much anyone can say to make you feel more secure in your relationship. That's something you're going to have to work on. Like CaliGuy posted, Confidence is very attractive. But to me it sounds like you need to build up trust, and work on your communication a lot if you want this relationship to work.
l2hvn Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I ask because my bf doesn't seem to put me first and it really bothers me. He will be late to see me and often won't call...he will never be late to see a client. He always tells me that I need to ask him about work. Why can't he just talk to me about it? And he's a fitness trainer. How do I trust that everything is going ok? As a guy is he going to stare at his female clients that he thinks are attractive the whole time? I don't know if I should be worrying about this or not. I just need some ansers. To make you feel better ---- I go to the gym a lot, and for the most part, I don't like to be bothered. I'm all sweaty and don't really look my best. Trust me, most women who go to the gym feel this way. They go there to work out, improve their bodies, so they can feel good about themselves. In fact, they're more conscious about their body more than anything. But flirting??? Uhm yeah no!!! Do you generally ask him how his day went? There's nothing wrong with that. I usually do because it shows that I care. And it became a habit of sort. So I ask even if his responses are usually "so-so", etc. But for the most part, he'll be more than happy to tell me what's up. Maybe he feels that you're not that interested??? Out of curiousity, how did you guys meet? And how long have you two been dating?
CaliGuy Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 And I agree with the poster above. The great looking women at the gym aren't usually with a PT. The ones who need a PT usually are
Madeleine Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 1) As a general rule of thumb, no. He is quite an important figure within the company he works for so he has to remain professional. However, having said that, i am confident he would if it was an emergency or even if i simply wanted him to occasionally (recently he offered to take time out to accompany me to the hospital for a blood test in case i felt squeamish - awww, bless!) 2) Yes, without fail, even though we don't live together. He will call me if he is going for a beer with his colleagues after work, and he will call me again when he gets home. He has never been late for a date or any other time we have arranged to be together so he hasn't needed to call then! 3) We both generally discuss our respective days at work as standard, although if either of us hasn't mentioned how our day has gone then the other usually asks how it was. 4) If that was his job, then no, it wouldn't bother me.
basscatcher Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 1. Does your bf put you before work? (or gf if men answering:p ) No-work is his lifeline. He will have me join him if he has to plow snow. I can sit in the truck and keep him company... 2. Does your bf call if he is going to be late? Always. Even if he will only be 10 minutes.. He always calls to see if I made it home safe also or to see how I am doing if he knows there is a problem I am dealing with reguarding someone else.. 3. Does your bf talk to you about his day/his work, or do you have to ask him? (If he doesn't volunteer, do you ask him, or does it not matter to you?) Everyday.... He offers it up. I never have to ask him unless I chose to catch up later in the day and I initiate the call because I miss him. 4. If your bf worked one-on-one with female clients (fitness/gym setting), would that bother you? I would be uncomfortable with it.. but it is his job. It would add stress to our relationship but that is a part of life that I need to deal with. I am insecure and that is where it stems from...
ladyinwaiting Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 1. Does your bf put you before work? (or gf if men answering ) No, and I wouldn't expect him to. He comes second to my work as well. Generally speaking, we figure we're going to be far more understanding and forgiving toward each other than our respective bosses are going to be toward us. Of course, if it's an emergency, then I would leave work in a flash for him. But that's extremely rare. 2. Does your bf call if he is going to be late? Usually. He'll ring if he can, and so will I. But neither of us leave a meeting or walk out on a client or something to call the other. 3. Does your bf talk to you about his day/his work, or do you have to ask him? (If he doesn't volunteer, do you ask him, or does it not matter to you?) He talks about it as much as he can. We work in vaguely opposing fields, so we can't discuss too many details. I'm more concerned to know whether he's had a good or bad day or if he's under stress or something than to know exactly what he did anyway. 4. If your bf worked one-on-one with female clients (fitness/gym setting), would that bother you? He works closely with female colleagues. It doesn't bother me any more than his friendships with other women. I figure, if he wanted to be with someone else, he would be, but he's with me, so I don't worry about it. If you can't trust your partner, who can you trust? And if he betrays that trust (shudder) than he's not worth having.
Author Sunshine2003 Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 My bf and I have been going out for a little over 2 years. We met at a campus group; I was going to school (still am) and he was working on campus with computers. However, he felt that job was not for him and so he went away for 5 months to learn how to be a personal fitness trainer. There were doubts then if this would work out...we knew my problems with jealousy might get out of hand. The other night I asked him, "If I can't handle this and I told you that the only way we could stay together is for you to not have female clients, what would you say?" He said that he would call me a "deciever" and feel like I had lied to him all along. I don't understand this attitude when he knows that I have these issues. He says now that if he ever gets enough clientale to be fine without female clients that he agrees to not work out females (and btw, the female clients he has are not overweight...none that he has yet is fat...he even admited to me that one is attractive....although he told me that there is a difference between being attracted to someone and saying that someone is attractive...can someone please explain the difference to me???). I don't know why he would call me a deciever for when he has known that I have had these issues since the beginning of all of this...even when he was gone I had a hard time because he went to a school with women he found attractive. I just hate the whole gym setting with him "FOCUSED" on these females...I am afraid that he will start to get emotionally attached to them.... I am just not sure how to deal with his working with females. On days that he does I tend to get moody...think that he is happy because of them...and then sometimes he will tell me stuff (trying to be open because I ask this of him...I just want him to tell me about his day without my asking...stupid I guess....) and if he even mentions someone was attractive, etc...I just blow up....the rage inside is undescribible. All I know that it is kind of like how people are with an anger management problem...it affects physically as well. I will get shaky, heart will pound faster...it's like a fear response...and it only makes things worse. Sigh...how do I keep my feelings and thoughts under control? I want to not get at him...but how do I make myself feel happy with it all? Or at least accept it so I don't go around anxious when I know he is working with females...?
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