swissair Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I've been thinking about my ex-gf. Why was she special to me? What did she have that made me crazy about her? My best friend asked what I could learn from her as a person. I had to think for a while. Could she have been anyone? What do you consider valid reasons to date someone? To stay with someone forever? The sad thing is, I don't think I can provide any unique reasons to miss her. They are all generic qualities that technically anyone could have. Maybe it is the combination of generic qualities that make a unique set? So, here is my list: the way she would tap my leg and smile when she had exciting news, the way she'd come behind me and hold me, being able to tell her anything and not be scared, the fact we had the same spending power and loved to go away on the weekends, her upbeat personality, how she understood my work and we could talk business, how she'd send cute little text messages, going to her place Sunday night to watch cartoons, her sarcastic humor, how she was so comfortable staring into my eyes, how she'd plan little get aways, how she went out of her way to make me feel special. She made me want to work harder on my little company just for accomplishment sake. She made me comfortable to the point where I wanted to share my life, my experiences, and my favorite places with her. Is that valid? Was I just using her to fill a void in my life? Share your reasons!
Walk Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I don't think you could say those are "generic" qualities, but only because for you these were special qualitites that allowed you to be comfortable with someone. Everyone is different, and would see her actions and humor differently. You saw what was special in her because it meant something to you. It triggered something in you. On the other side, I believe there are many other people out there who would be able to show you a slightly different set of qualities that would be just as special, if not more so, to you then your ex. It's a combination of the whole that makes a quality relationship. So although you can say she was great in such and such a way, there are traits you can usually say you didn't like or would chose not to have in a SO. Its the combination, the whole, and how it makes you feel. I always found it helpful to attempt to find out where the relationship problems were. When I say what I learned from a SO, it's usually along the lines of either they helped show me what I want/don't want in a SO. Or I learned to see a different view, or where my lines were a little clearer, my reactions to certain things, or what's important to me, etc. It hopefully will give me a better understanding of me, rather then specificially who my ex was. I think it really shows what a wonderful guy you are that you can look back at an ex and say all those wonderful things. There are too many people in this world who become bitter and hateful, instead of appreciating what was, learning from it, and becoming better people.
incognito Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Um...yeah....I don't think those are generic qualities as you mean them. Sure anyone else could do them too...but, it was her, and those are the things that made her special to you. For me, my E/BF was the ONLY one in my life I've ever met that 1) I felt comfortable talking about private things to...and I had to build up that trust...which he's now broken. And 2) that ever really helped me communicate and wanted to find out more about me and was patient w/ me while I was still in the "building" trust phase.
jerbear Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I think it really shows what a wonderful guy you are that you can look back at an ex and say all those wonderful things. There are too many people in this world who become bitter and hateful, instead of appreciating what was, learning from it, and becoming better people. An ex change my point of views on adoption; her reason was; there are to many out there that need love and are abandoned. That automatically got me speechless and I immediately changed my view on how many children I want naturally and I'll be open to adoption. Is that a special quality to opening your mind to new things, yes. Would I date someone like capable of doing that, yes. back to your qualities. Everyone is special and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think it is wonderful to have common interests and those little things in life happen.
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