Combining music and love

[gman773]

I'm a relative novice to the whole thing of dating... I haven't really yet but conditions haven't really been right and I'm not a fan of dating while you don't have your full drivers license. (I assume having your parents drive you around for this is unbearably awkward, so much I will not try). Anyways, I obviously am not old; only 16.

 

Anyways, one of my talents is writing music... I play piano but I sing as well. I have played some very mellow but touching original compositions in church before and the girls I played it for; the girls that heard it said it was touching, very beautiful... you should put out CD and such. The pieces I played were somewhat melancholy but some touching parts in my opinion. Anyways, of course they want me to come out with a CD (many do, including my teacher) but anyways, I can't tell if they are into it so much or they are just into me (I know they are... one of the girls tried to ask me out, but I said I didn't want a girlfriend to get out of it).

 

Anyways, one other occasion I played for some girls I am pretty attracted to. They said I was really good, liked it and such but they felt it was too depressing. They too thought I should have a CD. I only played one original song.... no vocal and pretty mellow by itself. I played a bunch of Coldplay and some Ben Folds too but they felt Coldplay was kind of depressing. I kind of left it there for awhile and haven't played for any chicks really since (for the past month and a half). I tried to rock a little more awhile ago (just with piano) and she heard me a little but I heard her tell her friend it was really just a bunch of chords.

 

Anyways, I can work fast with music and compose and learn songs pretty quickly. My teacher (also a song writer/preformer) said that I have 3-4 songs I've done in the past month that are definately as good as hits on the radio and have lots of potential..... people will adore them once you make a name for yourself. They are not these light, instrumental piano songs anymore.... I sing.... and with guitars and drums they fall under the genre of pop. My latest song I just completely finished is about a girl I haven't met yet in a romantic way... words like "I don't know you" but then "you aren't far." My gut instinct says they will be chick magnet songs but I don't know.

Kind of remind me of Keane, Aqualung, Ben Folds and a little Coldplay.... that kind of stuff.

 

Anyways, the one girl likes only one Coldplay song.... "Fix You" and I recently learned the vocal part (sounds alright.... I can nail the falsetto). I'm not sure I have the confidence to just perform solely to the girls I love... I don't really perform in public yet, let alone sing until I have a long enough lineup of songs. I need some ideas how to approach it though,.. the other stuff too.

 

There is one student at my school who does the same approach of piano/singing and he is a complete loser. He has some talent but I mean girl wise he is pretty messed up. He's kind of cocky and he plays mainly "happy" but slow songs.... and less "hip" stuff. He's an idiot to pop culture and probably doesn't know who Angelina Jolie is. I just don't want to end up like him.... his voice is not bad but people still make fun of him and it. He doesn't really write his own music.... grabs snipets from 60's songs on guitar and puts them on piano and says he wrote it. He never does anything really emotional and he never really "rocks" either.

 

I do not want to end up like him, but I want to take advantage of my talents; I'm wondering how much this will help me Romantically.... it's obviously not helping the guy I'm talking about but he has a different approach. Also, is this "depressing" music a bad sign? It could be a result of the lack of lyrics/ guitar/ bass/ drums but I mean they consider Coldplay depressing too. Is that a really bad thing as far as appealing to women??? The happy but slow approach seems to work out very bad. Then again flat out rocking works but lacks the emotion, personalism and originality as by yourself..... and the other members of the band get from the ladies too.

 

Any ideas would be appreciated.... Obviously the biggest thing is to become more comfortable performing and building up a broad repetoire of songs. Any suggestions as to playing for the girls I like would be appreciated, especially without being incredibly awkward or bringing envious guys too who will maybe put me down on site and definately to the girls eventually.

 

Is there any logic behind the saying, "words speak to the ear... music speaks to the heart?"

 

Obviously I am really novice, just really understanding "the game" and I apologize for probably "tooting my horn" a little and going off topic (no I am not insecure really, just trying to give you my views on things).

 

Thanks again!

[7on]

It sounds to me like you're already getting girls to ask YOU out. Something, despite all my awesome, I have never been able to do. The "game" as it were is a facade as it were. In the end all you have to do is ask out the woman you want on a date. It is simple. I am 20 and will be having my first date on Saturday. I just asked her out to lunch. Nothing fancy. The fancy stuff didn't really work all that much, of course it probably depends on the girl. I even sewed a coaster to try and impress her. Oh well. I am going out with her on Saturday anyway because of who I am. Just play want you want to play, the music you like. No need to trick women into liking you. You might not get as many dates, but you'll probably get more likable dates.

[Walk]

From an older woman's perspective on life..

 

Women will fall for a man in a heart beat who can put emotion into his playing. I think it has something to do with wearing your heart on your sleeve, you seem vulnerable in your songs, and yet unapproachable in life. Totally turn on to most women. We want to get to the vulnerable part and have you sing songs about us.

 

Anyway, I have a couple suggestions/warnings for you. Play what you feel, never change your style for another person because you want them to like you, or think you could "get" them to like you with it. Play what's in your heart. Otherwise you are being dishonest to yourself and your music. If you have as much talent as you say you do, then don't go altering it for a girl. Besides, it usually shows who you are inside, don't fake who you are to impress a girl. It won't be real if she falls for someone you're not.

 

Usually a person will fall for a musican specifically because of this beautiful music they play, but during the course of the relationship, they'll get jealous of it. They won't want you to spend as much time with it, demand more of your time, get unhappy when you choose your music over them. It's a horrible contradication that they would fall in love with you knowing you are devoted to music and then try to guilt you into not playing as much as you wanted to. My best advice on this is to explain its important to you, and stand your ground from the get go. Don't drop the music when you first meet someone, and then expect them to understand later when you'd rather spend time with music then them. Set aside time to play even when first dating and let that person know it.

 

I think Coldplay may be a bit depressing, but geez.. I wouldn't say it was seriously horribly depressing. It's just more subdued. I think songs that are a little more melancholy are great, as long as theres an idea that something better is out there, or there's a strength that's conveyed in some way. Giving up is depressing. Being down but knowing you'll pull through is strength.

 

You seem a lot older then 16, so you might have problems relating to some of the girls you're attempting to interest. Keep real to yourself, and it will attract those who are the same. Those will be the girls who are closer to the same mentality/maturity that you are. But if you attempt to be the happy go lucky rocker guy, you're going to get some very superficial interest in who you are. Just like that other guy.

[gman773]

I mean when I say I can get girls to ask me out it's not like they are these incredibly hard to get girls...... I actually kind of find it a turnoff. No challenge, and it shows to me that I can do a heckuva lot better. I feel bad, I like them as a person but human instinct just turns me off completely.

 

My situation at school is pretty messed up though.... people don't know me as well because I am a "Day student" at a boarding school. The "Day student" girls that I am attracted to know me way too well and for too long to be attracted to me, yet the other girls who "Board" I don't know at all really and I feel out of the loop; they really don't know I exist because I like girls that are mainly my age or a little younger and I'm mainly in classes with the next grade up (juniors). I could board at this school but it would completely kill my social life outside of the school, which seems to be a lot better.

 

Maybe the best thing to do is wait a little until I can get my license and perform a little more music, but it's really frustrating in the meantime.

[gman773]

BTW thanks for the advice so far.... I guess emotional stuff is best.... I assume with words/ band it will be more powerful instead of depressing.

 

I agree I shouldn't really change my style just to please a girl....

 

It's really cheesy and ineffective though to write kind of depressing lyrics about yourself and like "broken heart" stuff to try to lure a girl (that's not especially attracted to you) into liking you and feeling sorry for you, correct?

 

I also assume it's bad to write songs about women that again don't really like you and then say how much you want them.... Maybe not say their name but give enough info that they know what it is about. That seems like a "no no" too, although I could be wrong. I think writing how women are way above you too is another huge "no no."

 

I'm guessing generic love songs is the best thing, but add a little mystery to it but don't blatantly relate it to specific examples of love in your life.

 

Does what I say make sense?

Thanks!

[Walk]

I'm sticking with my original suggestion. Don't write a song just to try to "win" a girl over. Here's an example. I've known quite a few musicians over the course of my life. One guy starts playing some song about love and romance, and stuff that was fairly generic. It wasn't the song that turned me off of the situation, it was that he was basically thinking he could impress me with it. It's the attitude behind it.

 

Another guy I knew, he played from the heart. If he felt depressed that day, he played depressing songs, more upbeat, upbeat songs. He played to share something he loved to do, with me. Not attempting to get me to like him by playing something he thought I would like to hear, or would attract me to him. So what he offered was a gift of part of himself. Where the other guy was using a talent he had to attempt to get me. There's a big difference.

 

So I found the guy that was being true to himself incredibly attractive, and I never dated the guy who played songs to try to get me. Guess that's the moral of the story.

 

You might attempt just "asking" a girl to go out with you. I find that works really well too.

[BlahBlahQueen]

OK, coming from a fellow musician's perspective, here goes nothing. First off, write your music for yourself. That will be sure to attract women who will like you for what you have inside. Never try to portray a certain image. When you are truly talented, your image follows that; in other words, it is automatically acceptable because your music makes it so. It naturally follows that if your music is "depressing", you must NOT change that; it reflects something inside you, and the women who would not have liked you for YOU will be the only ones who will dislike your music. Never date anyone who can't relate to your music. That says loads about incompatibility. It will lead to dissatisfaction and is basically a waste of your precious time and emotion.

 

The stereotype is true; most people (men and women alike) are attracted to musicians. Assuming you're fairly good-looking and charismatic, you'll have your pick of the litter anyway. Why settle for doo-doo girls who have no understanding of who you truly are???

 

Both music and lyrics speak to the heart, depending on who's listening. This is why you seem like an excellent candidate for love; you will put your emotions out there, and some suitable girls will fall in love with it. Everyone wants someone who "understands" them, and many people have angst, even if it's hidden. Some chicks will inevitably relate to your stuff, and you are bound to find some sort of soul mate in a short time.

 

Please, for the love of (insert deity here), don't fall into the pop culture trap. It corrupts your essence and uniqueness as a musician. It is incorrect of you to judge that other guy because he "doesn't know who Angelina Jolie is"... his lack of crap pop influence probably contributes to his musical purity. Then again, his stealing from other music is corrupt anyway, so I say you are both more similar than you care to admit.

 

Generic love songs, you say? Crap, I answer. Have you ever heard "Would" by Alice in Chains? It's a song that has nothing to do with love, just the downward spiral of heroin addiction. And that song invariably evokes the most high-flying feelings from me. Anything you write that comes straight from the heart will captivate other hearts. Write what's inside you, dude! Formulaic lyrics/music are so repulsive to anyone with a brain and a heart! Everyone who answered your post is right in what they said.

 

Don't write for the ladies; write for yourself. Ironically, that will be way more attractive.

 

And don't worry about "tooting your own horn"; you are doing nothing of the sort, just being real. There are musicians in the world, just like there are accountants and firefighters.

[loony]

Honestly, you come across as a show-off and you seem a tad too full of yourself.

 

He's an idiot to pop culture and probably doesn't know who Angelina Jolie is.

I wasn't aware that being a follower of popular mainstream music is considered to be cool. People stand out because of their uniqueness which distinguishes them from the mediocre herd.

[BlahBlahQueen]

I wasn't aware that being a follower of popular mainstream music is considered to be cool. People stand out because of their uniqueness which distinguishes them from the mediocre herd.

 

THANK YOU! My sentiments exactly!