NYCGuy Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 *this may have been posted twice. I dont think the first one went through. *sorry if it did I need some outside perspective on this, and I stumbled across this site. I am hoping someone out there can offer some fresh advice. My gf and my have been dating for almost a year now. In the last week or two she has been pushing me away both physically and emotionally. Our physical relationship has been slowing down for the past 6 months, but I didn’t push the issue because she said it was do to the stress of work and school (getting her phd). We are perfect together is every single way, but the slow down in our physical relationship has let us start to drift into the friend zone. Her best friend says that all I need to do is seduce her again, and get that spark back, and that she thinks things will work out because she really does love me. The problem is she says we are now just ‘dating’. I honestly don’t believe there is another guy, and I believe her when she says that there isn’t. But she needs this time to “find herself”??? How can I let her do that without letting her grow even farther away? My problem is how can I seduce her again if lack of intimacy is the issue? We have gone from being together 5 days a week to not seeing her in almost 2 weeks. I am doing everything I can think of to show her I want this to work out. I joined a gym (cant hurt to lose a few pounds in the new year), I’ve gone out with my friends the last couple weekends, and I am going away this weekend so she can get her school work down (dissertation). I just don’t know what the next step is. It’s killing me but I don’t know what to do. I really think this can be saved, but only if I do the right things, and soon. . Do I ask to see her this Sunday when I come back? Ignore her until nest week (our anniversary btw). Do I ask her if she still is in love with me (she says she loves me and ‘misses me more than words can say’), but she could mean that in many ways I guess. I am trying to show her that I can survive just fine without her, and in reality I can. I just don’t want the most amazing person I have ever met get away. Sorry for the short story, I just need to get this off my chest. Thank you to anyone who can offer some advice.
kitten chick Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 I guess it was probably more important to know your girlfriend's age. Sometimes younger women...teens to early 20s feel the need to get out and explore themselves and the world around them. If you give her the space that she needs you might have a chance. On the other hand, if you try to seduce her back you might have a chance. Its difficult to tell in these situations without knowing the full story and both parties involved. You will probably have a better idea of what she will respond to than we do. If you don't then perhaps it's best to test the waters with both. Unfortunately, IME, once one party starts disconnecting from the relationship it's headed to an end. Take this time to make sure that your life is in order and your friends, hobbies, etc are available to you in the event that the relationship comes to an end. The better you are prepared, the easier it will be to handle. Hopefully it will work itself out, but just in case. Just my humble opinion. Good luck.
Author NYCGuy Posted February 2, 2006 Author Posted February 2, 2006 She is the same age. And she is sort of over the whole 'seeing whats out there' phase. This is of course based on what she has been saying so i could be wrong. My life is in order, and i do have people around me to be supportive. My fear is not being alone or dumped, both have happened before and i survived just fine. My fear is that i will lose her because i waited so long to see the signs. And that i _will_ lose her now because i make the wrong move. I dont blame her for what she is doing, and i am not angry. Im just scared. Shes the most amazing person i have ever known and she is walking away.
kitten chick Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 You haven't really given us an idea of why she could be pulling away or what she's said to you. It's tough to tell.
barfool Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Someone once told me that grad school is notorious for breaking up relationships. It is a ton of stress and cuts down on time with your SO. It might just be that she needs to concentrate on that for a while.
kitten chick Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Someone once told me that grad school is notorious for breaking up relationships. It is a ton of stress and cuts down on time with your SO. It might just be that she needs to concentrate on that for a while. My ex and I were in both in grad school and it was definitely a contributing factor in our breakup. The stress was unbareable but I don't think either of us would say that it made us feel less for each other.
Author NYCGuy Posted February 2, 2006 Author Posted February 2, 2006 I do think grad school is part of it, but we would be doing fine otherwise I think. The more i think about it, and the more i read about it in this forum, i know what happened. I let the spark in this relationship cool. We fell into a pattern and i can see now that that is the reason she is pulling away. The problem of course is that i am having this epithiny at work and i am not going to see her in person till next week sometime (we dont have any plans at the moment, shes caught up in work and i am going away this weekend). I want to call and talk to her and tell her i know why this is happening and that i want to change it, and that i am ok with just 'dating' and that we need to start over. Should i just wait till i see her next and tell her? i want to call her tonight but I know if I call too much she will push further away and make me look pathetic. I just dont want to make things now that i have just realized what went wrong. Does this make any sense?
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