gordon_gc Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Hi, As a dumpee, I am actually curious how long it took before the DUMPER (you or your ex) got back in touch with you/your ex and what were the reasons ? How did it go ? Thanks
Art_Critic Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 I've never had that happen.. Normally in breakups each side moves on. There have been a couple of ex's that I have remained in contact with but NC was never done.
jerbear Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 I've never had that happen.. Normally in breakups each side moves on. There have been a couple of ex's that I have remained in contact with but NC was never done. I got my call yesterday after about 4 weeks. Usually 1 month - 2 months; after that both move on.
LonelyinOhio Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Gordon poses a good question - but I'd like to stipulate it further....how long before your ex contacted you after the breakup, NOT counting if it was a response to some message you initiated, and NOT counting "housecleaning" messages, like "I have your things - when do you want to come get them?". And not counting chance encounters in public. And if you wanna share, it would be nice to know HOW the ex contacted you (voicemail, text, meeting, etc) and what your ex had to say to you. And did you do a great job of NC immediately after the breakup? I think this information would be great to hear from those of you who've been through this and are on the other side - one of the most painful questions we ask ourselves is, "what is he/she thinking about me?" "when will I ever hear from them again?", etc. If some of you could answer these questions, it might help us to get a handle on this - I know every situation is different, but to get a sort of statistical sampling would be nice.
agnf666 Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 WEll honestly... since I got out of my mess last night... We both decided that we didn't want to do NC and we wanted to remain friends. I just hope he is true to what he says... So, I wrote him a little note this morning just letting him know that I was true to that and to take care of himself. I mean I think it all depends on the terms that the two people left in. Since, it was rather good terms I think a friendship is the best for the two of us...
starr3546 Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 My bf and i broke up in Halloween weekend....he called me saturday night, sunday we met for coffee, and we talked yesterday over i me....strange...i dunno if he wants to get back with me or what...my story is in the thread labeled.... What the #&@* if anyone has any thoughts on his behavior...please post back!!!
JumpHigh Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 My situation is a little different than the other ones described here. I am actually on a "break" with my BF. He initiated it, but it has actually turned out to be a good thing for us. Anyway, we talked about once a week through emails. In the beginning I was the one emailing, but after about 2 weeks I stopped and made him email me if he wanted to talk. Then about 1 1/2 weeks ago, I told him that I wanted to have NC for awhile. I am leaving on trip for a month and a half and I didn't want to talk to him while I'm gone. On Sat night he shows up at my house unexpected. He stayed over night and we talked about "us" Sunday morning. We are going to continue with the "break". Part of which because I am not going to be here and also for us to grow as individuals a little more. We are thinking about going on a ski trip together soon after I get back and I would imagine trying to start things back up between the 2 of us, but very slowly. So basically, he decided that he missed me and didn't want to loose me after about a month and a half. But like I said we are not completely back together right now.
ThatOneGuy Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 She broke up with me in september and tried contacting me on our winter break. I said I would try talking to her more at school... but... I lied. Well, actually I think I gave a wave back after she waved at me. I think she also motioned for me to come over, but I turned around and pretended I didn't notice. Yeah, No contact, the way she broke up with me was absurd. She came on AIM one day... Erm, Nevermind. Anyway, it was about 2 and a half months. NC forever! Woot!
basscatcher Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 I was dumped Jan 20, 05 for no reason.. after he left and moved back to KC, Mo. He contacted me 4 months later because the woman before me is the woman he went back too was ignoring him and they weren't getting along once again.. He stayed in contact with me almost daily till he came to see me in Aug, 05 where I gave him his shyt he left with me and 1.5 weeks after returning back home he told me he couldn't speak to me anymore because that woman and him were making amends again and he promised to have no contact with me.. He tried to contact me 2 weeks ago (Jan 06)and I reminded him that he is dead to me and I want nothing to do with his games. I will no longer be apart of his triangle love life and I do not trust him and never will. I said 'Good bye" once again.... This time on my terms...... **So 4 months after breakup then he tried again 5 months after contact... I will never allow him back in my life again. I felt like I was going to phsycially die because I lost him.. I had never felt so devastated in my life. NO man has EVER hurt me the way he did....
jerbear Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 I mean I think it all depends on the terms that the two people left in. Since, it was rather good terms I think a friendship is the best for the two of us... It is not easy being friends when one party has romantic feelings for another.
jerbear Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Gordon poses a good question - but I'd like to stipulate it further....how long before your ex contacted you after the breakup, NOT counting if it was a response to some message you initiated, and NOT counting "housecleaning" messages, like "I have your things - when do you want to come get them?". And not counting chance encounters in public. And if you wanna share, it would be nice to know HOW the ex contacted you (voicemail, text, meeting, etc) and what your ex had to say to you. And did you do a great job of NC immediately after the breakup? I think this information would be great to hear from those of you who've been through this and are on the other side - one of the most painful questions we ask ourselves is, "what is he/she thinking about me?" "when will I ever hear from them again?", etc. If some of you could answer these questions, it might help us to get a handle on this - I know every situation is different, but to get a sort of statistical sampling would be nice. She called and left VM. I was not at my desk. I called her back answering her question and asking about how is she, how was x & y. She said she was thinking about me and what I was doing. So stay tuned. Yes I would marry this woman. I told her, the ring is waiting once you make a decision. I just wanted to know if there was a future. Yes & maybe is the same as yes with potential, no means NC till I am over her, settled, and then we can be friends. That was what prompted NC. I took the route, assume the worst, hope for the best.
wendel1 Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 one of the most painful questions we ask ourselves is, "what is he/she thinking about me?" "when will I ever hear from them again?", etc Even though we have been broken up for 5 months, I've done 3 months of NC, been doin fine...but those questions pop into my mind from time to time...
trone Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Even though we have been broken up for 5 months, I've done 3 months of NC, been doin fine...but those questions pop into my mind from time to time... I think about this too but I believe: If the guy is the dumper, the chances that he will call back is relatively higher. But if the girl is the dumper and doesn' call within first couple weeks, SHE WILL NEVER CALL AGAIN!!! If it is over for a woman than it is over, but it take guys longer to get over the things.
WindDrifter Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 AHHH!!!! Great a couple weeks thats what I have until I know if i will be spending the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams! AHHH!!!
chocolate_boy Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I think about this too but I believe: If the guy is the dumper, the chances that he will call back is relatively higher. But if the girl is the dumper and doesn' call within first couple weeks, SHE WILL NEVER CALL AGAIN!!! If it is over for a woman than it is over, but it take guys longer to get over the things. I'd tend to agree with this! Although I am in touch with two of my exs (one was years ago and I contacted her last summer after about 2 years nc!) and one we stayed friends straight after split and have been cool since. However I have about 4 other exs who I have never spoken to ever again since we split (longest ago was 8 years), my most recent ex split with me in sept and sent me two sms in December (one was a generic xmas message and the other to see if I had something of hers) however I ignored both of them, doubt I'll ever hear from her again now.
someone_here Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 I think about this too but I believe: If the guy is the dumper, the chances that he will call back is relatively higher. But if the girl is the dumper and doesn' call within first couple weeks, SHE WILL NEVER CALL AGAIN!!! If it is over for a woman than it is over, but it take guys longer to get over the things. i agree. i am a girl. until now i never contacted my exes. because i knew i did the right thing (to break up with them).
jerbear Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 i agree. i am a girl. until now i never contacted my exes. because i knew i did the right thing (to break up with them). She contacted me and I was elated and scared at the same time. those knots in the stomach, came back. I practically asked her to marry me which floored and scared her. She wanted time away. Called a few days ago, within a few weeks. Update: To put it bluntly, she does not want a romantic relationship with me (in her words anyone) and it is back to NC. You can't have a friendship when have romantic feelings for them.
someone_here Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 the reason why i never contacted my ex is becasue i never know whether they have really moved on. This uncertainty makes me hesitate to call them. Worry that it may lead them on. Which is very uncomfortable for me. Especially if the ending very bad. I dumped my 1st bf, n he went mad. He screamed, he followed where i went, tried to get print of my phone bill , he called my guy friends -tried to know whether i had a new bf or not, he beg, ..... basically, he was extreemely *****. And it pushed me further away. Since that day, i never want to even meet him. So , better leave your ex.... your question of marrying will only push her away. Let her make the move . If you want to contact, just talk normal stuffs... never talk something personal
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 Dumpers: What if your ex went a bit crazy when you dumped them...sending emails, and calling for a few days after the devastation? Would you consider calling them later if you found that you began to miss them?
coasting Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 It has been 11 weeks for me today since I found the letter on the kitchen table and his things gone. At first there were the normal emails of trying to get all of his things out of the apartment.. Then his mom passed away and there was very little contact between the two of us...And then he received the final phone bill in his name and was not happy that I was not paying it....Oh I must tell you I work in the same place as him and see him on a daily basis.....Well the last Thursday he haaad to actually talk to me on a work related thing...He kept it very brief and to the point but there was something in his voice, that told me he really did miss me..........Then today he put up an away message on the computer that read, "The winds of charge are always blowing, and everytime I try to stay the winds of change continue blowing, and they carry me away.", I honestly think he is trying to send me some sort of message, but I can not put my finger on it.
ChaseYng2005 Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 I broke up with him, told him to not contact me. He contacted me a week later and we were back together. We broke up again Oct 2005, and got back together about a few weeks later. We broke up last week.....PLEASE HELP ME KEEP NO CONTACT AND RESIST......but I know if he came crying back, Id probably take him back....sux for me huh
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