bitty Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. We've been through a lot together including him being the first guy i've been with since I was raped in middle school. We go so great together, weither it's shopping for his aunts at the grocery store, going out w/ our friends and playing pool, or just striking up a fun conversation when there isn't anything else we can think to do. We finish each others sentances, think a lot a like, have the same sense of style, we both love our families, we share the same religious background, and the same love for the St. Louis Cardinals Of course we have had our speed bumps along the way, what relationship doesn't...and we handled them by talking to each other, weither it was face-to-face or over the phone, rationally like mature adults. He made sure I got to voice my feelings and vice-versa before we resolved the issue so that we are sure that everything is patched up the way it needs to be. So you're prolly thinking whats the big deal, right? Well I'm definantly ready to become engaged. I'm a sophomore in college and he graduated from college in the fall of 2005 w/ his bachellor's degree. He has supported me from day one when it comes to my scholastic and career orienated goals. We've always agreed that we will not interfere with each others career or scholastic goals because it means so much to both of us. He's recently been promised a job several states away, and me being in the Nursing field, it's not a big deal wherever it may be that we move, but it is a big deal to me that we be engaged when we move in together, it's just something that means a lot to me. In the past we have talked about religion, how we'd raise a family if we had one, how we would manage bills, all the things that need to be discussed...we agree on EVERYTHING, it couldnt be better! The thing is, he's dropped SO many hints to me about proposing, but nothing has happened yet. When we were at a Cardinals game, he told this group of guys we were married and bragged about our "married life." One night after another Card's game, he told me that he'd been thinking a lot lately about something and eventually, I got it out of him, that he'd been thinking a lot about proposing to me and that he wants to, but just hasn't found the right moment. It's been six months since then, and several other hints have been dropped from looking at rings, and talking about it w/ his friends while I am around. In 3-4 months, we'll be moving away from both of our families and in together, and I'm ready more so now than ever, to take this step. Not to show off a ring or to say I have a fiance, but because emotionally and mentally I am ready for this step in the relationship...and from all the hints he's given, and all the things we've talked about in our relationship, he's ready too...but nothing's happened yet...what gives? Any advice on what's going on?
sophia34 Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Consider proposing to HIM. It's the 21st century and girls can do that now. Guys don't think on the same frequency as girls. He might be wanting to get the proposal "perfect," but hasn't had time to plan it and so just lets it go. And lets it go. And lets it go. Other things get in the way and time marches on. He may not realize just how much you want him to do it NOW. He may think that you realize he's going to do it EVENTUALLY and that that's enough. Guys just don't realize how much of women's emotions and energy can be tied up in this sort of thing. Meanwhile, the clock is ticking. Either way, proposing to him would solve the problem. Either he'll say yes or he'll hem and haw and you'll know he's all talk and no go -- that is, not as committed as he says he is. And you'll know this BEFORE you move away from everything. 1
Author bitty Posted February 2, 2006 Author Posted February 2, 2006 Thanks for the reply, but the truth is, I'm a traditional kinda girl, and he's a classy guy. I don't think I could propose to him. I'm like every other girl who grew up pretending they were Cinderella...I want to be proposed to, not the one doing the kneeling. You're probably pretty right about the whole "I know it's going to happen so he's putting it on the backburner" thing. For the last 6 months he's referred to our relationship in terms of "when we get married." He knows I know he wants to, but I think he's scared I wont think he did it "perfectly." What's perfect? I wish there was a way I could let him know that if he did it in the middle of a movie we rented on night layin on the couch together, it would mean just as much, if not more than if he were to it at a restraunt or something or on a super romantic evening, and it'd prolly make him a whole lot less nervous. The thing is, he's told me he's ready, he's just waiting for the right time...now I'm on my toes waiting at every peck on the cheek! Is there a way that I could let him know that anytime would be perfect? Because its not the time or place or ring that matters, its our love, our relationship, the mere sincerity of him actually taking the plunge. I know he would say yes but like I said earlier, that's just not me, to propose to him and reverse the roles. I've never paid for a dinner bill in my life, because he said it's his job. I mean, complete traditional roles here! So I guess the question from your post sophia34, would be... how can I bring it up to him, without sounding too terribly needy or pushy, that anytime and any place, would be perfect for me.
sophia34 Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 My own fiance has told me repeatedly, "Guys don't get subtlety and they don't take hints. If you want us to know something or do something, be direct." So, when you point to rings you like, your boyfriend probably thinks, "She likes that ring." He doesn't think what you want him to think, which is, "She's showing me that ring because she wants me to propose now." When he sees you looking at a bridal magazine, he thinks, "She's planning for our future wedding," not "She wants to have that future wedding in the next year, so I'd better get going." So, my advice is, don't be subtle! Dropping hints is probably not going to work here. I understand you're a traditional girl (not a bad thing!), but you also need to take some initiative here, especially since you're so certain of his intention. Plan a romantic dinner at home or a picnic or something and have a "pre-proposal proposal." That is, in a sweet but direct way say, "Honey, I think you want your proposal to be perfect, but I want you to know that I'm ready whenever you are, and I will be ecstatic no matter how you do it. I want to start our lives together as soon as possible, and I just don't want to wait. In fact, I've even chosen a ring I LOVE at XXX Jewelers and they're expecting you!" Then pour the chardonnay and move on to other topics. If he can't take THAT hint, then I'm not sure what you'd do! But I think you need to TELL him that you're ready--NOW. And then hope that he acts soon after that.
sophia34 Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Or, if that's TOO direct for you, simply be more direct that you've been doing. Go get the brochure from the jeweler's with a ring you like circled and a note that says, "Anytime!" or something like that. Or have a quiet conversation where you ask what HIS timeline on marriage is. Rather than put in terms of what you want, find out what he wants. Does he want to get married in the next year? In the next two? If you frame in terms of what he's looking for, that might be less direct but still get you the information you want AND get him thinking about it more seriously. Good luck! (and next year, we'll make it to the Series...none of this Astros/Red Sox stuff. GO CARDS!)
Author bitty Posted March 6, 2006 Author Posted March 6, 2006 WOW Now I'm wondering why I ever worried if he were ready to take the plunge!?! He had the night planned for over 2 months! He proposed to me last night! I had gotten there right around 4pm and he ordered in chinese food for us & we cuddled up on the couch to eat. A little while after, around sunset, he suggested we get into the hot tub. SO I went to get on my bathing suit while he was "getting it ready." It was sunset, so it was getting darker. He had candles set out all around the hot tub & there were several rubber duckies floating around. I got in and we relaxed for a while, and eventually I noticed that one of the rubber duckies had a ribbon tied around its neck. He noticed that I had finally seen the ribbon ducky and he goes "I think there's something stuck on it, get it off and see what it is" So i picked up the ducky and looked at him with tears already forming in my eyes. He took the ring off of the duck and kneeled down and asked me to marry him. By that time, tears were rolling down my cheeks. The first thing I did was grab him and kiss him and I said yes, and kissed him again and said "For the rest of my life yes!" and he put the ring on me. I told him I didnt know what to say, and he told me that I already said all he needed to hear. My plans for the night were to stay the night w/ one of my girlfriends from work. She had called earlier saying she couldnt get off in time, that she would have to work until close, so it wasn't that big of a deal for me! I met up w/ her later on that night and we sat at her house watching movies and talking. It was a wonderful night! Today we met up at church together, I drove home, changed clothes, then he picked me up so we could drive to Bellville's Cathedral for the Right of Election since I am being baptised on Easter. He is my sponsor (for those Catholics out there, you know what I am talking about). He gave me the sweetest card telling me how i'm his best friend and how life is so much better with us together, etc. I dont think that happiness can even begin to describe the way I feel right now. I feel like I am floating up on a cloud, almost like its a dream that I have to awake myself from by looking at my hand! When we got out of church, we went to eat at Chili's before we went to the Mall in Fairview Heights. On our way home we had to stop at a rest stop for him to puke at cause he started feeling nauseous. We had to stop a few times on the way home. That kinda ruined the plans because we had planned to go in and tell my parents together, but I told him to just go home and I'd go in and flaunt it. There was no way I was gonna hide it until they were both home together again and he could come and tell them with me. My parents didnt say much, I didnt expect them too...And actually, I think they handled it VERY well. Like I said, I'm in my blissful stage right now and I havent stopped smiling since it happened...especially cause I didnt think that i could be in any more love than I already was...I was wrong...Not only am I in even much more love with him than ever before, but I'm in love with how my life has turned out. I always told everyone that he was the one for me, and it's the truth, he brings out the best in me!
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