jedi_thought Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Me and my fiancee have been together since I was 16 were now 23 and, 21. We always had fights but now its to the point to where I feel abused. It's getting hard by the day to cope, She does things like demand for emotional support then forgets by the next day what for and feels that spending 8 hours a day is quality time. I feel like my personal space is invaded and, when I explain that to her she says things like "why you need time to yourself". She back me into a corner in arguments like, when I feel it's to intense or violent I leave the room and, she we follow to another room to continue but when I lash out in anger she uses it against me. Sometimes she says things like "you have to get out, I can't do this anymore" but, by the time I leave she says things like "Oh, you just going to leave me and your son"? I'm really hurt and confused, I love her but I feel like I cant' do this anymore. Please help. 1
UT_longhorn Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 jedi...have you ever sought counseling for your issues with your fiancee?
Becoming Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 You're young, you have a child, a major stressor on a relationship, and you just haven't learned how to be married and treat one another. Check out http://www.marriagebuilders.com for help. Wish I'd had it at the beginning. And yes, men do get abused. Check out craig's thread under abuse category from Oct/Nov. last year.
jerbear Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I agree with UT on counseling. Don't walk out as in when the jedi mind trick no longer works, or "elvis has left the building." First what are the fights about? Money, relationship, amount of sex, social pressures, groomzilla, bridezilla, inmaturity, post partum, etc...
Craig Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 First, you aren't alone. There are many, many men that are survivor/victims that do not admit to being in abusive relationships. That is changing and changing rather quickly now. The number of men coming forward in the last 7 to 8 years regarding being abused is increasing dramatically yearly and it is happening globally. Several TV shows have now had episodes where the man is the survivor of domestic abuse, "Las Vegas" and "Law and Order" to name two. It looks like the abused male is going to be a hot "in" topic in a few years time. Regarding your relationship now. You are being abused and can get some counseling for yourself through a local domestic violence center. Some aren't equipped to handle men so you might have to call a few before you find one that works with men. Make the call to their office, not the hotline and ask for an appointment with a counselor or advocate. That first meeting should be a huge relief for you because they'll know what you are going through and you will not feel so alone. Don't worry about cost, these centers work on a sliding scale and if you can't pay, you don't have to. You'll want to read up on domestic violence and abuse too. Here are some sites to get you started. http://www.edvp.org/AboutDV/cycle.htm http://www.justicewomen.com/tips_escape.html http://womensissues.about.com/od/domesticviolence/a/dvquiz.htm You can have a look at the thread that Becoming talked about by clicking this link. You may be surprised at what kinds of men are in abusive relationships. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t63127/?highlight=stabbed Couple counseling may be an option but your fiancee will have to agree to go to counseling and if she fits the profile of an abuser she'll do one of two things, either refuse to go to counseling or go to counseling and then stop going because she will say the counselor is no good. Best of luck and keep coming back here for support too.
lilmoma1973 Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Sorry to hear this and yes this happens to men as well as women.. She sounds very controlling and you don't deserve this !! Get some counseling to see where the real issues stems from why she is like this.. It could be from her childhood and people like this don't feel good about themselves so they use control to keep the person .. In fact this pushes them away and it makes the controller mad .. Sorry you are in this situation .. Good luck
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