astetler Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I've been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months now, I am 22 and he is 30. We get along great, don't fight often, we make a great team. I only one issue...I've observed and noticed a kind of body odor on him. So I observed his showering patterns. I've noticed this for a while, so I've started counting the days since the last time he took a shower. It is currently Tuesday night and the last time he showered was Saturday morning! And you can smell it! I like him very much so I don't want to hurt his feelings and he is one to embarass easily. It's a topic that needs to be brought up, and I am not the strongest communicator...any advice on how to get him to shower?? Thank you very much!!
Lucasarts Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 tell him that he needs to take a shower because he smells bad i mean a guy should take a shower every other day at least, because BO is not attractive NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS MAY SAY. No girls dont find it attractive to smell the "musk" of a man's sweat. And i dont like being near people who smell like what others s*** out in their toilets. (i take a shower every day to avoid BO problems)
Author astetler Posted February 1, 2006 Author Posted February 1, 2006 I wish I could just tell him that but the problem is, he is sensitive and I know he is going to be offended about it. Is there a polite topic starter suggested? A way to get the conversation started without him feeling like I am insulting him. thank you for your help...
BlahBlahQueen Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Boy, have I been there, done that! Fortunately the solution is easy. Draw a bubble bath every day and invite him to join you in the tub. Act like it's a romantic thing that has nothing to do with getting him to bathe, and make it a daily ritual. "Baby, wanna join me in the tub? It's nice and warm in here, and I'm lonely!" Works like a charm. Adds intimacy to the realtionship too.
justagirliegirl Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I have tried the let's shower together thing before with someone smelly and it didn't work.
incognito Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I wish I could just tell him that but the problem is, he is sensitive and I know he is going to be offended about it. Is there a polite topic starter suggested? A way to get the conversation started without him feeling like I am insulting him. thank you for your help... Ya know what....he needs to be offended, lol....how can he not know that going that long w/o a shower would gross you out. I would just say....you stink, take a shower. LOL...seriously, there's no sense beating around the bush. Do it after you leave and come back, or after a period of time away from him.
barfool Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Maybe make it into some kind of joke like "hey there, stinky head." Hopefully through repeated use he would get the point that he literally smells.
Yamaha Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Do you know some of his friends? If you are afraid to approach the subject with him he might be open to a friend telling him that women like a nice smelling guy. Many times you will take a suggestion from a friend when you would be hurt from your SO.
basscatcher Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Nothing works I have discovered in the past.. I have dated and even married a man who didn't shower often. I have found mostly that if he has foul BO in just a day or two, I have come to the conclusion that his diet is bad to begin with, doesn't drink enough water to flush out his pores, and doesn't get enough exercise to also help keep his pores clean. None of the men I dated/married changed their habits. I talked sensitively to them, I threatened them, I cut them off from sex, I made small comments, I was blunt in their face----- They have to want to change their habits.. Which I find typically not the case.. They are a product of their upbringing.. or chose to become lazy.. My Xh parents don't shower often (gross) and they didn't bathe their children often when they were growing up.. Therefore, they all maybe shower 1-3 times a week.. I frankly have to shower every morning when I wake up and sometimes before I go to bed depending on what I have done that day and what the weather is like, I always shower before going out no matter what. *I don't think you can change the dogs habits unless he choses too.
Walk Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I'm pretty sensitive too, and can get offended easily, but I would want someone (even my SO) to tell me I smell. Especially if it really bothered the person. Yes my feelings would be hurt, and I'd probably be a little upset, but that's just pride. If it's the truth, then I want to hear it. And if it's making the one I love not want to be close to me, then I need to hear it. So although you might feel uncomfortable talking to him about it, and not want to hurt his feelings, sometimes you have to be the stronger person and just say it. As politely and non-hurtful as possible, but it still needs to be said. I dumped a guy cause his breath smelled. He came back a few months later (don't know how he found out why I dumped him) but he told me he would've rather I suggested he go brush his teeth every single night, then end the relationship with him. (we hadn't dated long) He was really hurt that I wouldn't be truthful with him, and if he had known it bothered me he would've been the first to try to change it. Anyway, that's my story. Just be gentle with him, but do tell him. Maybe a "Hunny, I think you are sexy, and handsome, but I would really like it if you took a shower more often. It would make me want to be closer to you." Or something along those lines. Imply he'll get laid more often, or something. That usually gets men to do things.
lilmoma1973 Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 No shower no sex. That should do it. Exactly .. My h won't get nothing from me when he is dirty !! My h showers everyday and so do i .. Cleanliness is my modo .. I am sorry but that is nasty to be going without a bath that long !! Do what Blah blah said and see how that works make it romantic .. That will bring dirt into your skin and cause acne .. If it was me i would tell him.. I don't see how someone could not want to bathe?
Walk Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Pada.. I haven't had a problem getting some guys to change their hygiene habits. But I haven't dated men who didn't shower regularly to begin with. This one guy I dated showered 3x a day. All I'm saying is it depends on the guy. And how willing he is to make his partner happy. If he just doesn't give a dang about her wishes, then that's going to show in the rest of the relationship. If he does, then he'll want to make her happy. Lastly, I've flat out told men I've dated to go take a shower. Usually along the lines of, I want to have sex with you, go take a shower. They always hop in the shower. Of course, you really have to have sex with them after that. So don't do it if you don't mean it.
l2hvn Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 It is currently Tuesday night and the last time he showered was Saturday morning! Eew! Eew!!! Major turn off!!!! I don't know how you're able to deal with this for 5 months. 5 months?!?!? Personally, this will be a dealbreaker for me. Sorry. I can't have sex with a guy who stinks! Not even that, just to be around him, near him. I take great care of myself and I want a guy who's the same way. This is a delicate situation for you but you have to bring it up sooner. I think you just have to be honest with him. Tell him exactly what you told us here. Tell him something like "I always have a great time being with you. I think you're a great guy. And I enjoy spending my time with you. However, there's just this one minor problem I have to tell you. Please understand that I am not trying to hurt you in any way. I care about you a lot." Then you address him your concerns. Since he's a sensitive person, you have to reassure him of your feelings for him. I hope that helps. Or..... make a practical joke: Send him a basketful of goodies: bath soap, shower gels, deodorant (lots of it), cologne, etc. Send it anonymously. See how he'd react to it.
incognito Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Lastly, I've flat out told men I've dated to go take a shower. Usually along the lines of, I want to have sex with you, go take a shower. They always hop in the shower. Of course, you really have to have sex with them after that. So don't do it if you don't mean it. hahaha....that's so funny. I would do this too. Go shower so we can have sex!! LOL I can't see a guy not doing it:p
lilmoma1973 Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Have to agree with l2hvn , that would have been my deal breaker as well!! Being dirty is where i draw the line ,if you dirty u aren't sleeping with me ..
l2hvn Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 My bf has smelly feet. And he likes getting foot massage. So everytime he requests it and I know it stinks, I tell him "You have stinky feet. I won't give you a massage until you take a shower." He actually takes a shower.
Barby Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I agree that if he's sensitive addressing this issue will be difficult but not just for your relationship, but since you care about him....in general a person with bad hygiene will be looked down upon in life. Inviting him to bathe with you is a great idea. Heck it doesn't even have to be with a bubble bath....just let him know you'd really like to take a shower with him...if you make it in to "together" and "intimate" (not sexual just intimate) time together....he may get into the habbit of showering with you daily. If not then at least you'll get him to shower when he's with you. If you're not into this then address it as nicely as possible.
silverbeamer Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Suggest he get into hunting... everyone knows that a deer will smell someone's scent from a long distance. He would need to be clean to go out in the woods!
buzzie2 Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I had a bf who showered only once a week, and that was only because I made him. If he had his way it would be never. He also never washed his laundry, wore deoderant, or brushed his teeth. I ended up dumping him and told him I couldnt be with someone who was so unhygenic. I can't believe some guys. How hard is it to remember to wash their hair and body, slap on some deoderant and brush their teeth? I mean is it that much of a chore? I met a guy last summer at a camping ground who liked me, but he had the greasiest hai I've ever seen. That just turns me right off. I think if it really bothers you, you have to say something to your bf about his BO. And be FIRM. If you just act like it's no big deal, and just say it nicely to him, then he won't think you're being serious. Just say that you love him but that it's a big turn off that he doesnt shower regularly. Believe me, if you don't say anything you will just get angrier and angrier until one day you blow up and then the damage will have too serious to undo. The fact that you're venting about it in this forum shows how upset you are.
933KJL Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 No one has addressed any culture differences yet. Where are you? Most Europeans do not bathe as often as Americans. What we perceive as BO here is more accepted someplace else. If you are an American in Paris or he is a Parisian in New York, this couldd be the issue. I think if it is really an issue that bluntness is the right way to go, but please don't use sex as a weapon in this war. Next time you go in to kiss him or hug him, coyly push him away and say flat out "you stink--go get a shower" not in a motherly I order you way, but in a playful way with a smile and lightly push him back or away. Do it enough and I am sure he will get the hint. I like the deerhunting idea.....besides, they put deer piss all over themselves and if he doesn't want to wash that off--well game over!
DacaInaru Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 what's going to be worse and more embarrasing.. you telling him he has BO, or someone on the street saying it?? my kid who is 10 years old is a typical kid...usually refuses to bath.. until I pointed out that I wasn't telling her to be mean.. but telling her because I didn't want her to be embarrased in public by having someone make a comment about the BO.. she showers almost daily.. its better for you to say something then for someone else to say it.
JayKay Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 Keep it simple, direct and non-confrontational. In fact, make it a bit of joke -- When I'm with my BF and he stinks I say, "Phew! You stink!" and he laughs. Sometimes a simple, "You're smelly, honey," suffices. Don't make it into a 'We have to talk....' conversation, which is so awkward it will make whatever you say after that squirm-worthy. Be very matter-of-fact. He may still be a bit embarressed, but will get over the initial embarressment much quicker if you don't make a big deal out of it
Recommended Posts