UT_longhorn Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Guys I just wanted to vent big time and say : I am so freakin sick of feeling crappy every day. Sick of thinking of my ex all the time. Sick of not being able to be stronger and move forward faster. I hate feeling like I'm walking under a grey cloud at all times. I don't feel like myself anymore. I used to be so vibrant, with energy, confidence, and humor. Now I'm just a shell of my former self. Its been 1 month. I do have to say, at least now I can at least function and have been getting my appetite back and sleeping better. But I still think about her all the time. If I was to see or talk to her, I know it would affect me greatly still. I've been pushing forward. I've followed all the advice. Tell me its gonna get better. Tell me that one day I will be over her because I can't stand this crap.
pandnh4 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 actually it sounds to me like you're doing great... you need to focus on the little things first, one step at a time... getting your appetite back is very important... the first couple of days following my breakup i could only nibble a few bites of one meal per day... just yesterday, however, i finally had my first 3-meal day in almost a week... of course, it's been mostly fast-food, not the healthiest, but it's a start... whenever things really get to me, per my therapist's advice, i either go out for a long walk, or i journal my thoughts... i'm not too consistent about writing though but it feels good to get it all out... i haven't been the best at nc so far but you seem to be doing very well with it... hang in there... some days are better than others... there's been one day where i was so apathetic and indifferent towards everything that i actually didn't really feel bad at all... perhaps because i've felt so bad already, and it was to balance things out, because the next day i started feeling anxious again... anyway, you're on the right track... keep up the great work, and thanx for being there for all of us too...
riobikini Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 UT, Read the Link Posted Below: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=697323&postcount=3 Yours, -Rio
Geoffrey Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 ....it's been almost 12 weeks for me and I still go up and down. I do know that I can't go back with her the way things are right now, the way she is right now, she just needs so much help and is so very depressed right now. But I still think back to those many sunny summer days when we were in the pool together, the friends who came over, all the laughter, the loving, the togetherness. It just felt so good then, and I have to REMIND myself constantly that it isn't that way now, and there are reasons WHY it isn't that way now. I am doing NC and there are MANY times I want to pick up the phone and just ask her how she's doing, how she's feeling, etc. But that would probably set her and me back a little ways, so the phone stays on the hook. Sometimes I feel I'm just about over her, but other times I just miss her terribly. Well, the good news is that we are in touch with our feelings, and are letting ourselves feel them....and that the only way OUT of this is to go THROUGH it. Try to eat something, it will help you feel better. You'll know when your appetite comes back, it will be a sign of good health returning. Hang in there, my friend, and know that you are NOT alone in all this. You have a brother sufferer in me.
notmakingsense Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Just stick with it. It will get better if you are maintaining NC. Everyone is different. Some of us take longer. I'm in my third month now, and while I still think of her every day, I don't get that anxiety/pain any longer. I'm starting to visualize my life with someone else. You might even consider not visiting LS for a while. For some people LS can be a place that makes their already obsessive behavior (about their ex) worse. I think that one thing we could all do on LS is do more posting about our success stories. I know that reading success stories helps me. Here's another site I've been reading that has lots more stories about breakups and surviving them: http://groups.msn.com/BreakUpSurvival/yourwebpage1.msnw Good luck.
CaliGuy Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Getting over it does take time but it goes faster if you truly have let go. Also, focusing on your weaknesses and improving yourself should be paramount between breakups. Each failure brings you one step closer to success.
Ezydriver Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 UT, If you've got your appetite back and sleeping better, then thats good, it took me 8 weeks to get my appetite back properly, I'm at week 11 now, and the weeks are going by faster. I'm sort of a shell of my former self too, I've stopped reading the daily newspapers, stopped reading my favourite magazines that I read religiously every edition for years, just not interested. 1 month isn't all that long, people on the recieving end of rejection can take months, sometimes years to get over it properly. 1 more month and you will be so different, think what you were like 1 month ago? probably not eating, not sleeping, I know I was growing a beard and stinking of my own urine, seriously I was. Now though, 2 1/2 months on, I'm laughing wholeheartedly again, my appetite is about 80% back, I sleep like I used to and only really think of my ex about 50% of the time at the most, rather than 100% of the time. Your emotions are working themselves through in their own natural way, you can't rush them, you wouldn't really be able to rush the healing of a broken bone, your emotions are no different, when they're injured, they heal at their own rate, trust me, I was where you were at, I couldn't believe I'd ever stop thinking about her, and after a while I found I was just naturally distracted with life again, and I couldn't imagine how I could've thought I'd never get over it. Regards, Steve.
Author UT_longhorn Posted February 1, 2006 Author Posted February 1, 2006 yea...i know its a little early. last night i went to a bar that i know she frequents (i know bad move) and i left early cause i know she shows up there usually later. later my friend text messages me telling me that she showed up after i left. that small amount of information is enough to make my day today horrible. and the sleep thing...last night i tossed and turned and barely got any sleep...so i guess im not all that great in that department either. i know it takes time. i just hate living like this. i feel like im living a dream squence. im just walking and doing things but have no real enjoyment in doing anything. thanks guys for the support. i know its all about time. but i just get so frustrated sometimes at the pain.
pippen_2k Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Its a year later for me UT, and I just thankgod I dont feel like that anymore. I used to hate waking up in the morning, with my stomache in knotts and thinking when is this gonna end. Used to be the worst part of the day for me. Trying to get ready for work. Give it time... Thats all I can say...
CaliGuy Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 UT, if it makes you feel any better know this. The sleepless nights. The loss of appetite. The anxiety. The worry. The sense of loss. All those feelings means you really did love her deeply and your feelings were true. One day, someone will love you that much as well. Give it some time.
Author UT_longhorn Posted February 1, 2006 Author Posted February 1, 2006 All those feelings means you really did love her deeply and your feelings were true. i know what you mean Cali....but all that love was thrown right back at me. I think this experience may really jade me in the sense that I feel that more than love, games and mental manipulation is more important to keep your woman. i hope ill be able to get over these feelings and truly love again in the future...but i will definately be more defensive next round.
LonelyinOhio Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 games and mental manipulation is more important to keep your woman. Actually UT -- games and manipulation are what is required to keep that PARTICULAR woman who left you. Those things are not required to keep the RIGHT woman in your life - and if you find yourself engaging in those activities in a future relationship, you need to get out of it. I'm on week 4, and today I ATE! I actually went to McDonald's (don't judge!) and had a BIG MAC. Sounds silly, but all I've had every day for the past 25 days is cereal, green tea, and maybe a salad....lost 22 pounds (almost a pound a day) and my friends are now telling me I'm TOO SKINNY. Which is probably true. So, it was a measure of victory for me. But I'm smart enough to know that I've got an uphill battle in front of me still.
Geoffrey Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 ....and make myself a nice BLT with extra-thick bacon and fresh tomatoes.
Toji Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 You know, I thought I was going to feel like **** forever, but it's the start of the second week, and I'm feeling better already. I don't believe that means I don't still love my ex, I just realize I'm not in love with her. It was time to move on, and I'm happy she's now a happier person. Though I'll be even happier when that a**h*** she started dating the day after breaking it off with me dumps her.
WindDrifter Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Yeah its weird. My ex first broke up with me a month ago and its been so hard but we kept on seeing each other its what she wanted. We would talk once or twice and week and then meet up once on the weekend. Well last night I finally broke it off with her and started no contact. At the moment I feel okay. I guess I am really happy just to let things be and if it happens then great if not then okay. I have got sick and tired of wondering what if? how does she feel? What will it be like? Now I am just happy I am starting the journey to really know how she feels about me. I am quite excited. I know it is going to hurt so much sometimes. No right now but soon when I am alone and thinking of her. Or when I am trying to study I will be thinking about her. I have photos of her I would love to stare at all night long. I know this won't help. The thing that annoyed me is she really wants me to go out and have fun but I don't want to. i just want to be with her. Well there my mood just changed But anyway I agree with Ohio. UT I could never play the games. I could never but be 100% honest with Amanda. Thats why we lasted so long and that why we are broken up because she has been honest. That's another reason why I can't be mad at her. I can't be mad at how she feels all she is telling me the truth. Better now that later. But what I am trying to say is that you have to be you otherwise you will never be happy pretending to be someone else. Cheers, WD
Author UT_longhorn Posted February 3, 2006 Author Posted February 3, 2006 guys. its 33 days since my break up. its still very very tough. last night, i couldn't sleep .. just thinking about her and i. this morning i wake up with her on my mind. NC for 10 days now after breaking it once. i need some support guys. im having a really really down day. but then again...i feel like this every day. i know its about time and NC. I want to call her SO bad right now. The only thing thats stopping me is the pain I went through last time and it scares the crap out of me. I have a female friend thats beautiful and an all around great person that im hanging out with tonight..and i don't even care. i dont give 2 sh*ts that im seeing her tonight. i feel pitiful for feeling this way. i tell myself to man up...move forward. and it works some of the time, but i can't even get myself to feel strong this morning. some words of encouragement please.
i'mhurt Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 This is may sound silly to you (if you've never done it before), but reflect and meditate every night before going to bed. Find a quiet place (turn off the lights), and sit down on the floor. At first just focus on breathing, very deep breaths; in through your nose (visualize your breath going up over your brain and down into your abdomen) and back out through your mouth – continue this circular breathing. As you’re breathing; focus on your positive (inhale) and negative (exhale) feelings about your current situation; you may get too emotional as you’re doing this but that’s ok. Let everything out. You’re in control of your breath and feelings. I've been using this and other methods of meditating (if you like to know some other methods let me know) and it's been helping me get through my pain, good luck, I feel for your man!
skeptik224 Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 UT - It's going to take some time...trust me. My ex just broke contact after 3 1/2 weeks just to let me know something. We've been idle chit-chatting about nothing but it's hard. I can't be friends with her right now. When people tell you that NC is the way to go when you're trying to get over a break-up, they're right. It makes you stronger inside, and as time goes by...it'll be easier. Go out tonight and keep busy...don't put any stress on yourself about how pretty this girl is or anything. Just go to have fun. Be strong...
jerbear Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 i feel pitiful for feeling this way. i tell myself to man up...move forward. and it works some of the time, but i can't even get myself to feel strong this morning. some words of encouragement please. You can get thru it, go out with your friend and help take your mind off of her. It is a step toward healing and being yourself.
Geoffrey Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 ...check out what I wrote in the thread called, "from the analyst's couch"....it's under "Coping."
skeptik224 Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 IM-Hurt...I agree with meditating...I just started it about a month ago, and I LOVE IT
jerbear Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 Yeah its weird. My ex first broke up with me a month ago and its been so hard but we kept on seeing each other its what she wanted. We would talk once or twice and week and then meet up once on the weekend. Well last night I finally broke it off with her and started no contact. At the moment I feel okay. I guess I am really happy just to let things be and if it happens then great if not then okay. I have got sick and tired of wondering what if? how does she feel? What will it be like? Now I am just happy I am starting the journey to really know how she feels about me. I am quite excited. I know it is going to hurt so much sometimes. No right now but soon when I am alone and thinking of her. Or when I am trying to study I will be thinking about her. I have photos of her I would love to stare at all night long. I know this won't help. The thing that annoyed me is she really wants me to go out and have fun but I don't want to. i just want to be with her. Well there my mood just changed But anyway I agree with Ohio. UT I could never play the games. I could never but be 100% honest with Amanda. Thats why we lasted so long and that why we are broken up because she has been honest. That's another reason why I can't be mad at her. I can't be mad at how she feels all she is telling me the truth. Better now that later. But what I am trying to say is that you have to be you otherwise you will never be happy pretending to be someone else. Cheers, WD Don't be someone you can't feel good in. Don't pretend to be someone else. I feel partially depressed and like crap, knots back in the stomach, back to day one of NC and day one of seeing her for the first time. I got a call from her 2 days ago about missing me, wanted to say hi and what I was up to. I called her back. I was scared and elated at the same time. She was surprised that she called me and that I returned her call. She said she can not be in a romantic relationship with anyone right now including me. That she wants a friendship, which I rejected because I can't be a friend if I have romantic feelings. She backed off and said she won't cross the line again. I said only she can cross the line and that she can send a periodic message but I'm not obliged to answer. Right now feelings just came back and it was good I took the day off. I just got semi-depressed and took a nap. Didn't get anything done today.
Author UT_longhorn Posted February 3, 2006 Author Posted February 3, 2006 thanks for the replies guys. i read about this exercise on another forum and i tried it... visualize you on a bridge on one side and your ex on the other side. visualize that you both meet up in the middle. look at him/her face to face and tell him/her all that you want to say in person. tell your ex how much they hurt you. tell them about your hopes and tell them about your expectations. get everything off of your chest. look your ex in your eyes. then after you've said everything that you've said, walk back to the edge and jump off. and free fall away as far far away from the bridge as possible into nothingness. im at work, but i went to a private office, did the exercise and i cried for a good 10 minutes. i think i really needed to let some crying out of my system as i really haven't done much of it. maybe it was a release of some of the sadness that has been trapped in my chest. i think i might feel a little better afterwards. im going to go home early and take a little nap..or rest. that might be good. here i go forward with my life again.
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