basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 In another thread there was a comment about someones SO treating them like their X treated them. Have you discovered that you are treating your new SO the way you were treated by your X?
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 I have caught myself treating my new SO the way my X treated me. I didn't realize it until I heard myself. I was talking in the same rude tone of voice that he did to me. I couldn't believe I was doing it. I remembered how I felt and yet I was doing it to my new man.. I have questioned Charlie about certain things I find him doing that he said his Xgf did to him.. I point out that his complaints about her are what he is doing to me. He has stopped and went quiet for a few moments when I have pointed out these things. I haven't seen a huge change in this behaviour but I think he is more aware of it when he starts it..
RainyDayWoman Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 close! the idea was this... Quote: Originally Posted by morrigan He seems to be treating you the way he wishes he would have treated the ex.
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 Blonde twist... O well. spin it..
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 with my last GF I found myself being argumentative with her and I'm not an argumentative person and in all of my past relationships besides my marriage I never argued.. So I was repeating the same behavior as my marriage.. by the time I realized it we had broken up and it was too late
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 with my last GF I found myself being argumentative with her and I'm not an argumentative person and in all of my past relationships besides my marriage I never argued.. So I was repeating the same behavior as my marriage.. by the time I realized it we had broken up and it was too late I wonder if this is common for men?
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I wonder if this is common for men? I don't know.. But I think that when when Act.. or React be the case that we are calling up our recorded past on how to handle it.. what we have to do is unrecord/rerecord the improper ways of dealing with it.. I do know that arguing with my ex wife was the proper way to handle her.. if you didn't argue she got physical.. so arguing was easiest.
Author basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 I don't know.. But I think that when when Act.. or React be the case that we are calling up our recorded past on how to handle it.. what we have to do is unrecord/rerecord the improper ways of dealing with it.. I do know that arguing with my ex wife was the proper way to handle her.. if you didn't argue she got physical.. so arguing was easiest. I can understand this. The only person who really brings out the worst in me is my Xh.. I go from nice to biytch in less then light speed. Arguing with him is easy..sometimes fun Because he pokes it first at me. but i will catch myself starting to do it with others (men)from time to time and I have to stop myself. I don't want to treat them like my Xh did.
dgiirl Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 well, i have no SO so i cant answer that part... but I have noticed that I've picked up a few of my exh's judgemental behaviours which I ALWAYS detested when he did them. I was reading "Uncoupling" and it mentions that when you are a couple, you tend to break up certain activities or thinking to one of the couple. But it's often found that when you're single again, you tend to pick up the slack of what your SO use to do or complain about.
Curmudgeon Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I wonder if this is common for men? I'm a man and if I treated my wife the way the ex treated me, or even like I treated her, she wouldn't be my wife. I lived like a monk for two years following the divorce and reinvented myself. It needed to be done no matter how painful, and it was at times. My wife is the polar opposite of the ex and I love, cherish and treat her like the treasure she is.
Tangerina Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Nope, but I keep being scared to death that he will start treating me like my ex did, and it is causing some small problems.... I have bouts of insecurity or anger every time he does anything remotely ex-like.... Like my BF and I are talking about moving in together this summer.... with my ex I would say things like "it will be nice this summer when we can spend more time together without school" and he would reply "I don't know how things are going to be this summer"... which meant he didn't know if he wanted to be with me... Well, talking with my BF this weekend about this summer and he says "yeah, I don't know what is going to happen this summer" and I have a like a mini panic attack inside, thinking "Oh no! here we go again!" so I am like "what do you mean????" and he tells me "oh, you know, I am not sure what job I want to get or if I should take some classes at the same time or what sorts of other things I will be doing..." I really need to let go and remind myself every second that he is not my EX! I don't want to **** this up!
Curmudgeon Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 I really need to let go and remind myself every second that he is not my EX! One of the hardest things to do after a bad relationship is to remember that anyone else is just that. They're someone else, not the person you left or who left you. Even years later I was still a bit sensitive about some things that were ex-like even though my wife is her polar opposite. It does get better with time.
Author basscatcher Posted February 1, 2006 Author Posted February 1, 2006 I too have found similarties and it drives me nuts when I sense them and inside I am going nuts. I mentally remind myself that he is not my X and that I can't jump to conclusions but my instincts are flying in many directions. I have to retrain my reactions, instincts, habits emotionally. Its not easy to reprogram ourselves when life has been so upsetting, tramatic, and routine.
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