PlentyLV007 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I yelled to stop the car! I stepped out of the car feeling cold and shocked from a drunk driver who wasn't listening to me, minutes later I hear a car hit and crash. As I ran down the hill the car was flipped upside down. I call 911. Feeling guilt! My mind starts getting visions of me being the passenger! I start verbally rehersing what I'm going to tell her family once in the hospital. As I sat (pants, arms and hands full of blood) waiting in the hospital for her family, they look at me saying "why did you let her drive"? Who wuold understand...that she wasn't listening and she was physically and verbally abusing me for the keys. Would they understand....? Person in the car was released from the hospital the next day...as she walks in she looks at me and says "hi". THREE DAYS PASS....This person in the car is my roommate. I had feelings of guilt. Yet I'm repeatedly telling myself, I tried. I did! We haven't spoken, I can't even look at her. Her hands are bruised and cut. So are her arms, and her face has stiches. Looking at her is like looking at myself in the miror if I stayed in the car. Now I dont' feel safe in my own home. Is it wrong that I want her to leave? How can I approach her about it? Advice.
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 As hard as it is you need to clear the air with your roommate.. Tell how you feel and how the accident makes you feel.. You can bet that she is embarrassed.. I would be. There is nothing you can do when a drunk pushes the key issue and won't give you the keys. If nobody was around to back you up then you did all you could do.. You should be guilt free The only thing I can think of that I would've done differently is I would not have gotten in the car to begin with and then I might have called 911 and reported the drunk driver if she was totally wasted.. 1
Moose Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 NOONE, and I do mean NOONE, could take my keys away once I made up my mind to try and make it home on my own. You did good. You really did. Don't feel guilty, because you shouldn't. You can bet your roomate feels alot of shame right now. You may just want to confront her, and let her know you're there for her if she needs someone. Don't push the issue, just let her know that you understand people make poor choices now and again. Stand by her, help her get over this part of her life, and you'll feel safe again.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 My roommate has lived with me for three months. The first week she moved in there was already a problem and it did have to do with her drinking and making a scene in my apartment building. We talked about it and she agreed not to drink and cause problems. Now it got to the point where she put my life at risk. How can I actually sit there again and talk to her about it and help her out when we've been through this before? I can tell her "sure nobody's perfect". I just don't think I can live w/ that kind of life style any more. I let it go the first time but, I took a chance and when doing that I put my life at risk....trusting my roommate. Em I wrong for wanting her to leave? Move out? Is it too soon to bring it up?
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Now it got to the point where she put my life at risk. You carry some responsibility in putting your life at risk.. You chose to get in the car knowing that she was drunk. You had other options and chose not to exercise them.. so she wasn't the only one that put your life at risk.. you did too.. Try and calm down and talk with her.. If you get no where you might think about getting a new roommate
Author PlentyLV007 Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 yeah that's why in the end...I wrote that I did decide to get in the car so I understand that it's not fully her fault. I just didn't like how I was treated and it doesn't help that she doesn't remember anything. I mean it's just horrible to have to sit there and explain to her what I saw and what I was feeling when I saw all the blood. Then have to deal with her Vebal and physical abuse...to me being under the influence is no excuse. Especially since I've already talked to her about it. I know it's going to be hard for her because she has no car now, and having to deal with a DUI is hard as it is. My close friend told me...I have too much of a big heart to ask her to leave especially right now that she's lost her car and has this on her record. I just don't want to be Naive! I don't want to have to deal with the drama she brings on herself because of her boyfriend or what not. That's the reason she was drinking. She was depressed. I'm a good person really I'm but, I don't want to deal with her problems, like I have for the past 2-3 months. Especially with her drinking.
Becoming Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 You have the right to not want certain people in your life, especially when they are doing something illegal and dangerous--like DUI. You know now you shouldn't have gotten in that car in the first place. It's not her fault that you did. You say in the first few weeks her drinking caused a scene and you asked her to not do that again. Going out drinking with her may have been sending her a mixed message. Of course, you may not have thought she'd get so wasted, refuse to let you drive, etc. I assume the apartment/house is in your name alone? If you don't want her as a roommate anymore, you don't. I was in a similar situation with a good friend who moved in with me. I couldn't live with her lifestyle and be sane. And she couldn't really live the way she wanted with me either. So we talked about it. She moved out; we managed to stay friends. Be honest with roomie: you're having trouble living with her lifestyle and it's impinging on how you want to live. "No hard feelings or anything; it's just not working out. Will you please find your own place by {reasonable amt. of time}? I'll need you out by then because I plan on having someone else move in with me." Go over the financials and don't get involved in any drama she may want to do with you. Then find another roommate by showing the apt. Good luck. Sure glad you got out of that car!
Recommended Posts