pandnh4 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 hey, not quite sure where to post this thread but i think the *coping* one makes most sense right now... so the last three girls with whom i've been come from broken families or, at the very least, families that have had problems... the father of a former of mine from several years ago had fidelity issues with her mom (he cheated on her) and they eventually got divorced... this was strange because on the surface it seemed like a very close family with good values but the true colors surfaced soon after... the next girl i dated came from a family with no strong male rolemodel in her life because her father abused her and her mother, beat them, and then they ran away and spent some time in a battered womens' shelter... her mother also had control issues and was abusive as well... then my most recent ex, although she came from a privileged family, endured a divorce between her parents at a very young age... from what i understood, her father abused her and her mother (not quite sure how), but the mother remained with him for the sake of the children until things became too unbearable... now each of these girls that i dated has had some very questionable ways of initiating and handling a breakup, i.e., adding insult to injury, trying to turn friends against me, slander techniques, etc... they have also had serious communication deficiencies as far as handling conflict and argument with me and all tended to bottle up past issues and unleash them again at the time of the breakup (almost as if to add fuel to the fire or justify the breakup)... my therapist has told me that sometimes it is difficult to have a lasting relationship with someone who comes from a different background; that they might be incapable of communicating or handling issues in a composed and rational way unless they have sought help themselves and worked through personal issues... does anybody have any thoughts or comments on this? i'm not trying to suggest anything, just curious what your experiences or feelings might be, from both perspectives...
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Shoot. I think a good majority of us come from a family who was dysfunctional in one particular area or another. Whether we're aware of it or not. While social conditioning plays a big part in how our ideas, values and perceptions of ourselves and the world are formed, there are other factors which also come into play. Personality and disposition (which is something we're born with) … as well as emotional maturity, mental health, opportunity, intelligence, and acquired experiences. It isn't Nurture verses Nature, but rather the combination of ALL those factures which determine the kind of people we become. As a matter of fact, how many of us have brothers and/or sisters who grew up in the same environment as we did and still turned out as different as night and day ??? But I agree with your councilor in that it is very difficult for two people with opposing personalities and core values to find enough common ground to maintain a happy and 'mutually fulfilling' relationship for very long.
basscatcher Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 My guess is your young still and these girls as well?? maybe early 20s at the oldest?? You all have a lot of growing up to do and that includes relationships. Especially if one comes from a dysfuctional family; but who is to say what normal is. We all have problems in our familys. Even the ones intact. Its a matter of how you cope and handle the issues. You either run from the problems and never face them or you face them and learn how to handle such difficultys. If these girls added insult to injury then they are not mature. It doesn't matter much what walk of life you come from its how much you learn from it all.
witabix Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 .........It doesn't matter much what walk of life you come from its how much you learn from it all. Nail, head and hitting come to mind here. Pada, right on girl.
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