PlentyLV007 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I've had a guy friend for over 8 years now. We dated before but it didn't work out. He stopped being my friend for a while because he told me he couldn't be my friend because he still had feelings for me (about 2 weeks ago). It was hard for me because he was like my partner in crime. I respected his decision and let him b. Now I saw him last week and we hung out and it was back to old times. He had told me that he met someone and that he really likes her. Kind of a girlfriend I guess. I'm very happy for him. He was hugging me, holding my hand, kissing me on my cheek, and being really affectionate. Later that night he decked out early cause he was going home to his girl. Now I've invited him to go out again with family (cousins) and he said "Nah can't do it". I'm probably being weird here but, I'm upset that he said no. He never says no....I thought everything was ok...!? Thoughts...? Advise... Is he still trying to be distant....? Em I just being weird?
Barby Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Maybe he can't because he has plans with his new girl? Just a thought?! I don't think you're being weird but I wouldn't expect things to go back to normal, at least not the way they were before all of this and now adding in the fact that he has a girlfriend, he will most likely dedicate 90% of his time to her.
tanbark813 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Before you guys dated your current invitation would be him going out with a friend. Now it's him going out with someone he dated. It makes no difference when he's single, but if he has a new girl then it can cause problems. He probably just declined the invitation out of respect for his new woman.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 Geez...I he's had other girls and it's never been like this. Though he did say he liked her a lot. She's over 10 years older than him and he says that she's not all that great in looks but, he likes her personality a lot and says she's not judgemental and stuff. I mean he can bring her around...I don't know what the big deal is. He said he's not going to tell her we've dated. He said he wants to avoid problems with her or her feeling insecure about me. I don't understand why she would feel that way....he's very faithfull and loyal. I feel he is settleling. He can have better, he just can't accept it when a woman is better for him. Very insecure. =( damm this sucks! I mean should I be nice to her to be comfortable for him to come around. I just want him around...I really do! I've told him that!
Walk Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I know this is not going to come off well... but here goes anyway. You sound jealous. And you sound as though you're trying your damndest not to be, but you're also not acknowledging how you're really feeling. I'm probably off base, but you do sound jealous and as though you feel he should hang out with you instead. You don't want to have a relationship with him, but you don't want him in one that is going to take up any of his time away from you. (Feel free to shoot me now) Like I said, I'm probably way off base. It just sounded like that from this side of the screen.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 I'm but I'm not. I'm not selfish in the sense where I would preffer for him to be with me....I want him to be happy. I'm the type of person that if I know a person can be happier w/ out me (even after several attemtps on my part) ...then I will let them go. He had a difficult time accepting a lot of things (carreer, independance, material things of mine, jelousy, insecure of himself our relationship) about me and that is what interrupted our relationship and we know that. Now we've grown so much toghether that we can't seem to let our friendship go and we won't. I mean 8 years is a long time. He's played so many games with me that it upsets me. He use to act a certain way with me , like if he didn't care about me, and so on when I can read and see right through him. I would tell him and he would say...yeah I know...it's just that girls tend to respond to things they can't have or a**h***s. I said yeah...maybe most women.... Anyway...he knows me...I even know that I'm unique...I'm one in a million... nobody ever has to feel like they have to lie to me or anything ... I've come to realize that he needs to fix himself up first and no matter how hard I try to show him or tell him that he's great...he has to do that for himself! I just thought that we could be great friends...but I know it's hard when a person you care about doesn't care about you the same way.
witabix Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I know this is not going to come off well... but here goes anyway. You sound jealous. And you sound as though you're trying your damndest not to be, but you're also not acknowledging how you're really feeling. I'm probably off base, but you do sound jealous and as though you feel he should hang out with you instead. You don't want to have a relationship with him, but you don't want him in one that is going to take up any of his time away from you. (Feel free to shoot me now) Like I said, I'm probably way off base. It just sounded like that from this side of the screen. Well shoot me too! Thats the impression I got. If he is not going to tell his new gf that he dated you...... She's not that goodlooking..... Ummm I am confused...... If my gf behaved like that towards me I would be none too happy. If I behaved like that to new gf I would feel like a jerk. Who describes their new gf to an ex as not goodlooking? That is way wierd. There is more happening here than I can tell from this vantage point I feel.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 She's not that goodlooking..... Ummm I am confused...... If my gf behaved like that towards me I would be none too happy. If I behaved like that to new gf I would feel like a jerk. Who describes their new gf to an ex as not goodlooking? That is way wierd. There is more happening here than I can tell from this vantage point I feel. I'm kinda thinking he's making it up....yet he'll call her and talke sweet to her but, when I asked him if he wanted to go on a cruise with a couple of friends he said yeah...I asked him if he would invite his gf...he said hell no! I mean...whats up with that right? I kinda feel like he's just using her to find something better or...I don't know. I'm starting to think that I'm feeling his friendship more important than he is....he is not really being honest is he? From the way he is acting...
witabix Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Lying has two components... Commission, the act of telling a deliberate untruth. Ommission, the act of leaving out salient points that change the meaning of something. Either way it is lying. You decide if not telling her he dated you is lying. You decide if telling you she ain't all that and a bag of chips is for your benefit. He sounds a little immature, and possibly a bit of a user, from where I sit anyway. Having said that he is not here to defend himself, that must be remembered.
Art_Critic Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 I kinda feel like he's just using her to find something better or...I don't know. I'm starting to think that I'm feeling his friendship more important than he is....he is not really being honest is he? From the way he is acting... Or he is using her till he sees if he can put it together with you.. it seems like he has in a way back burnered you.. he still has feelings for you. Feelings don't go away after 2 weeks.. he has just stiffled them and they are in the back of his mind..
Author PlentyLV007 Posted January 31, 2006 Author Posted January 31, 2006 Lying has two components... Commission, the act of telling a deliberate untruth. Ommission, the act of leaving out salient points that change the meaning of something. Either way it is lying. You decide if not telling her he dated you is lying. You decide if telling you she ain't all that and a bag of chips is for your benefit. He sounds a little immature, and possibly a bit of a user, from where I sit anyway. Having said that he is not here to defend himself, that must be remembered. Either way...I've always been honest with him and I've asked him " could we really be friends w/ one one of us getting hurt". He's the best because he's honest and real. Yet I find him at times not being truthfull with me because of his whole "rejection" thing. I didn't ask him what she looked like...that to me honestly doesn't matter as long as he's happy with her. She is over 10 years older than him and she is thick...from what he said. To me there is nothing wrong with a little thickness. I like my men to look like fit and healthy men as well. He said that I was going to be surprised when I met her...because she wasn't attractive. I'm like well if your happy that's all that matters to me. I made positive notes on all his negative one's about her. Your right though....why would he talk about her that way to me...I mean if he was trying to make me jelous wouldn't he tell me things that she does that I didn't. Funny how he did compare her to me. Oh man...he called me a little while ago...confirming his text that he wasn't going to be able to go. As if like he wanted me to ask why. But I didn't. I just said...ok...well if you change your mind call me it will be fun!
Becoming Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Line me up as a third for the firing squad, but I thought you might be a tad jealous, too, and I wonder if he isn't trying to make you so with someone who may/may not be real.
witabix Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Line me up as a third for the firing squad, but I thought you might be a tad jealous, too, and I wonder if he isn't trying to make you so with someone who may/may not be real. If he is making up an ugly, thick woman to be his imaginary friend then he has real prooblems. Or maybe just a crap imagination. Sounds like there a few mind games going on here. Kind of an Ego-oploy. There are no "Get Out Of Jail For Free" cards in that one though.
noclobber Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Yup, having experienced this type of situation I got to agree with the other posters here.. especially Walk. I think you are being very selfish! You do not want to have a relationship with your friend AND you do not want your friend to have a relationship with some one else????? and may i know the reason please???? is it because you can't have any more fun with this guy??????? I am sorry if i sounded harsh but that's the impression i am getting. I am exactly in the same situation as your friend is in now. After my female friend refused to date me I kept my distance but she would not let go of me in the name of "friendship" . If i say i may have to go to some other state she will say "you are breaking my heart". If I say I don't know where my next project is going to be she will say "make sure you get it in this city itself so that i can continue to see you". I guess she will react in the same way as you did if I tell her that I am going on a date or i have a girlfriend and can't spend any more time with her. PS: we have known each other only for 5 months
Becoming Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 If he is making up an ugly, thick woman to be his imaginary friend then he has real prooblems. Or maybe just a crap imagination. Sounds like there a few mind games going on here. Kind of an Ego-oploy. There are no "Get Out Of Jail For Free" cards in that one though. Hey, there's no accounting for taste, huh?
witabix Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Hey, there's no accounting for taste, huh? No indeed not. Let me see, I have a new girlfirend. She is 2'4" tall and has a flat head. An IQ of 2.3, a face like a constipated camel, a body like a Budwieser barrel, and she plays "stick your snot to the light bulb". Sounds great eh?
Becoming Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 :lmao: Love the constipated camel image. "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun," eh?
witabix Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 :lmao: Love the constipated camel image. "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun," eh? Oh yes. But fortunately "My sons eyes are nothing like my mistress'" Come to think of it, where is my mistress? Damn Gold Pile has her in his closet.
magda Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Unless she's a girl he made up, get used to it. IF he was secretly interested in you the whole time you thought you were best friends, of course your friendship to him is easily replaceable for some girl he likes better/who actually is interested back.
hyakku Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Wait lemme see if I can get this right. Man was basically a wuss when you all were dating. Insecure, needy, the whole shabang? You broke it off with him, and he took the first steps to being a man and cut off contact with a while. He then went and got with another woman. Now he is becoming scarce, rare, and valuable. You desire him again and you are being jealous and vengeful of his new woman. He does not want to bring her around to avoid drama. You are upset because you want him to spend time with you because you want someone to talk about your feelings too like you would a girlfriend. He is no longer a girlfriend though, he is becoming a man, and now you are feeling different feelings towards him. Maybe you like him? Maybe you don't? But you don't have a chance to figure out with him spending less time with you. Is that what's going on? Because if he's happy I'll give you the same advice I give guys in the same position with a female. But out, let him make his own mistakes, be happy on his own, and enjoy his life. He will include you if he wants to, if he doesn't he won't.
noclobber Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 He is no longer a girlfriend though, he is becoming a man, and now you are feeling different feelings towards him. Maybe you like him? Maybe you don't? But you don't have a chance to figure out with him spending less time with you. hyakku, it's a good point but in my opinion this woman is missing him only as a friend. i don't think her feelings for him are changing just because he cut off contact and pursuing a new woman. its just that she is now missing the attention, compliments, gifts or whatever that she was getting from this guy.. should be interesting to know what exactly is the situation. PlentyLV007, so can you please throw more light on this... why exactly are you missing your "friend"?
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