whichwayisup Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 alfagrl, to stay with your boyfriend because he makes you feel safe, (probably pays for stuff too) and you guys have a history together yet you don't love him - END IT. That is so selfish! And so unfair to him. I'm sure that if he knew you didn't love him, he would want out of the relationship. What is stopping you? Fear of being by yourself? To live alone or not have that comfort of someone looking after you?
StrivingtoSucceed Posted February 1, 2006 Posted February 1, 2006 Any posts from DM since yesterday? It seems to me as if he is severly depressed and has made his decision to end it all ... his comments all point to an end. An end for most people in that much of an emotional state, with his feelings of having nothing left, is suicide. I hope to see him posting somewhere on here soon!
hyakku Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 I really hope he hasn't done anything crazy like that. But this is why people need to be honest and stop sugarcoating things. If you are still reading this man. Break it off with her, go make more friends, next time don't act like such a wuss (Its tough love man I'm not gonna see you go through this again), and again don't take all the burden of a relationship on yourself. And never ditch your friends man, just because you want to change doesn't mean you have to leave friends behind because they aren't, "condusive to a relationship". Get back out there. I know its gonna be rough, read up on some coping methods, become more confident (after a hit like this its gonna take a while, David DeAngelo can help with this. Along with many self improvement methods, again go out there and do whatever it takes). You gotta learn from this man, don't do anything foolish.
alfagrl Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 alfagrl, to stay with your boyfriend because he makes you feel safe, (probably pays for stuff too) and you guys have a history together yet you don't love him - END IT. That is so selfish! And so unfair to him. I'm sure that if he knew you didn't love him, he would want out of the relationship. What is stopping you? Fear of being by yourself? To live alone or not have that comfort of someone looking after you? there are so many things that keep me here when I know I need to go. I want to let him be free so he can find someone who would love & appreiciate him as he deserves. whats crazy is i've been saying the same thing for 3 yrs but the years keeps flying by. I'm scared to leave because I am comfortable and he is scared to let me go. He trys to fix things by showering me with gifts in hopes things will change,I guess it works, it guilts me into staying. Its not like he dosn't know he says things like "your going to leave me aren't you?" "Please don't go we can fix this" all this makes me feel like a horrible person so I stay just delaying the inevitable. I feel trapped.
Sal Paradise Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Its not like he dosn't know he says things like "your going to leave me aren't you?" "Please don't go we can fix this" all this makes me feel like a horrible person so I stay just delaying the inevitable. I feel trapped. You're not trapped. You're a coward. Thats why you cheat. Thats why you don't set him free. The truth is you're using him as an excuse not to leave. I think part of you doesn't want to leave. Or you would of left. You like having your cake and eating it too. You like being in control. You know you can do whatever you want to this guy and he will take it. PArt of you doesn't want to give that up.
alfagrl Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 You're not trapped. You're a coward. Thats why you cheat. Thats why you don't set him free. The truth is you're using him as an excuse not to leave. I think part of you doesn't want to leave. Or you would of left. You like having your cake and eating it too. You like being in control. You know you can do whatever you want to this guy and he will take it. PArt of you doesn't want to give that up. First I want to say DADEMURPHY i hope your reading this because your fiance sound alot like what i am going through internally. Sal, I am a coward this man has done everything for me,to the point he has created a monster. Throws gifts at me to keep me interested and to my surprise it works. I was not like this in the beginning of our relationship and I hate the person that I have become. Yes i am very scared , even cowardly, leaving means I would have to be responsible.(not like I wasnt before, but over the years have become very spoiled) when I say he does everything and pays for everything I mean it,eventhough I tell him not to. He wants and forces things apon me. Prime example last year MY car died on me was in the shop, I needed a new transmittion. he offered to pay I said NO and got a second PT job to pay for it. he drove me around. Weeks later on V-DAY he picks me up from work ( I think in a rental car) but he said it's mine! who does this!!? expecially after expressing how I want to part? I was not happy because he does this to traps me! I think its a form of control and I am slowly losing myself.
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 there are so many things that keep me here when I know I need to go. I want to let him be free so he can find someone who would love & appreiciate him as he deserves. whats crazy is i've been saying the same thing for 3 yrs but the years keeps flying by. I'm scared to leave because I am comfortable and he is scared to let me go. He trys to fix things by showering me with gifts in hopes things will change,I guess it works, it guilts me into staying. Its not like he dosn't know he says things like "your going to leave me aren't you?" "Please don't go we can fix this" all this makes me feel like a horrible person so I stay just delaying the inevitable. I feel trapped. Then if you're going to stay, GO to marriage counselling. Remember WHY you got married in the first place. Something must have been there at the beginning right? So, try to capture those feelings again. But, you're going to have to say goodbye to the OM. For good. Staying because he's guilting you isn't right either. If both of you know it's over, then end it and move on, no matter how hard and scared both of you are. If not, then WORK together to make life better.
alfagrl Posted February 2, 2006 Posted February 2, 2006 Then if you're going to stay, GO to marriage counselling. Remember WHY you got married in the first place. Something must have been there at the beginning right? So, try to capture those feelings again. But, you're going to have to say goodbye to the OM. For good. Staying because he's guilting you isn't right either. If both of you know it's over, then end it and move on, no matter how hard and scared both of you are. If not, then WORK together to make life better. Whichwayisup, I am not married, but i see what your saying. I have a big choice to make and soon.
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