NYCA Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 OK sorry if this is a bit long, but it's just one of those things. So I have been dating this guy for a month. Things were going well up until the last week. I noticed that he was feeling really down about his job and where he is living and everything. Then I noticed that he was putting off plans with me so I called him on it and asked him what was going on. He told me that he has been really depressed about his work situation and has been feeling like he is not fitting in NYC and that his life is not falling in the place. He was telling me that he is unsure of where he wants to be in a year or 2 years from now. So I asked him that if it was me or dating that was not fitting into his schedule. He told me that it wasn't me and he also said several times that he wanted to see me during the weekend but just was not up to it. He had been sleeping almost the whole weekend. I mean we're talking coming home from work and falling asleep on Friday, waking up, going for a run with his friend and then falling asleep the whole day again. So we were supposed to have plans but he had decided to go out with some old co-workers instead. He told me that he was going to make it up to me and wanted to see me the next day. Well Sunday comes and he slept almost half the day again and then was going to go to work. He was going to call me when he was finished. Well he doesn't call me and I text him to see what is going on and once again, he ended up not going out and sleeping again. So later that night we were talking on the phone and he does sound down about things. He told me that he also thought he was coming down with a cold. I told him that I am here for him if he needs me and that I don't want to be a hinderance. I said that when he's ready and wants to go out, I will be here and to give me a call. So today has come and gone and I have not heard from him. It is totally unlike him to not at least text me a message. Up until today, he texts or calls me EVERYDAY. I'm not a demanding girl, I understand that everyone needs their space, but when someone is usually dependable and then there is a sudden drop, I start to question things. EVEN THOUGH he vehemently denied several times that it wasn't that he didn't want to see me, date me or me in general, I can't help but wonder what is the deal. I don't want to push my boundaries as someone he is just dating and ask him to really tell me what's going on and I pretty much get the idea that he's down about things going on in his life. When things in your life are awry, then it's hard to focus on other things. This is not like him at all. Up until a week or so ago, he was high on life, really happy about everything. We were doing really well and having a good time together. We were just letting things run their course and taking it day by day. I'm not in a rush to have a committed relationship by all means! I know these things take time. I am really concerned about him though and at the same time, I don't want to get hurt but already am, unfortunately. Now I've been advised by friends AND parents that I should just continue on doing my own thing and that if he comes around, he comes around. I've been told that I shouldn't throw in the towel and just pressure him to say "Let's end it." I guess I am afraid and hate being in the grey about things. I fear that I have already grown attached to him and that it is going to be a big loss if I continue with this situation BUT then on the other hand, I don't want to give up and have it be because I was just impatient. I am really not sure what to do here so I have been doing what most people do when they don't know what to do. . . nothing. If it really is the fact that he is not into me anymore, I have given him the opportunity to be upfront with me. I sure do hope he's not doing the gradual trailing off thing that guys do when they don't like a girl anymore but don't want to hurt her feelings. BUT I know he's not like that because he totally cut things off with a girl that he was seeing during the summer. SO I know he is capable of stopping things if he wants to. He's not passive. I'm concerned about him even though I don't know him that well because I am a compassionate person by nature. He doesn't strike me as someone to make something like this up either. I mean he DOES sound genuinely depressed. I know I can't do anything to help him, he has to figure that out for himself but being in limbo is hard. I sure could use some advice from anyone out there.
clynn Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Perhaps just let it cool for a little bit and hope that you hear from him soon........ ....if he is depressed in NYC...it may mean that he doesn't see himself there long term - and if he just started dating you and YOU live and love New York City then maybe he doesn't see that this could work? And perhaps it may all seem too much to talk about all that at this time as you are so early into the relationship. PEople who prefer smaller towns sometimes get worn down by big cities, the people and congestion and traffic, and it makes you weary and like you want to sleep. (I know!) 1
Recommended Posts