Little123 Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 Me and my boyfriend are both 24 years old and have been together for almost 2 years. We are both in the military and love each other very much. He has a son with another woman from a previous relationship. The problem is I am very much not a kid person. It hasn't started bothering me until recently because a few things have occured that made me aware of his presence in our relationship. He only has custody of him every other weekend but those weekends are very hard for us. Besides that are relationship is the best anyone could have. I am definatly willing to push through this because we love each other so much and I would never want to intrude on their relationship, but its hard for me. I'm sure I sound very selfish but I can't help feeling inferior to his kid. I just got relocated to a different station so I don't know many people and need someone to talk to for some advice. Any thoughts on how I can learn to accept and deal with this? Thank you for your help.
Curmudgeon Posted January 31, 2006 Posted January 31, 2006 hundreds of thousands of other women who are dealing with formal and informal stepchild situations. I'd really suggest you pose the same question on a step board. The one I'd recommend is Steptogether. You can find it at steptogether.com. Loads of experience there. Good luck. It's quite an adjustment and comes with the territory.
Angel Posted February 3, 2006 Posted February 3, 2006 You are not selfish. Dating is the time to discover if the relationship is a match, and your concerns are real and are valid. You are 24 and don't need the burden of a child beit every other weekend. This problem will only get worse. Bail now sweetie. I know it is hard, but use your head and not your heart. Good luck.
Roo-bie2 Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 I agree with Angle. That child doesn't need to feel like a problem.
Envy X™ Posted February 5, 2006 Posted February 5, 2006 Well being a kid I'd like to tell you us buggers don't mean to cause any trouble, and I think you should try your best to pull through and get friendly with him. If you have trouble knowing what to say, just ask him about stuff he likes and try to acknowledge it instead of just taking it as a grain of salt. Hope i've been helpful.
Ladyehawk Posted February 26, 2006 Posted February 26, 2006 If you want to continue your relationship with him, then you'll have to accept his son. I agreen with the young person who suggested that you try to get to know his son and I have to agree that it's not the child's fault that he exists. From the perspective of a parent I can also understand your frustration. I had a female friend who would visit me when my kids were small and my kids always came first, we are no longer friends. The parent/child bond is one of strongest. If you love him and you want to be with him then you are going to have to accept that he has son and make an effort to make him part of your life as well. Children are very intuitive, his son can possibly sense that you view him as threat to your relationship with his father. He probably feels threatened by you as well. My advice: Sit down with your SO and his son and talk about your feelings openly. then discuss ways that your differences can be resolved. I do not think you are selfish. You are young and now is the time for you to life your life the way you want, but he was a father before he was the love of your life, and he has a responsibitity to his son that has to come first. Just my two cent's worth.
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